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Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Clarksvegas_Dan, Jun 26, 2004.

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  1. Clarksvegas_Dan

    Clarksvegas_Dan Registered Voter

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    I'm tired of facial cleansers that burn my face
    but never remove the blemish

    I'm tired of Shampoos that claim to moisturize
    but give me dandruff

    I'm tired of adware that advertizes
    that they can remove the adware

    I'm tired of News Programming that claims to have no spin
    But spins harder than the gravitron

    I'm tired of people gaining expert status
    when they can't interpret research

    I'm tired of psychiatrists who think
    that they can prescribe their problems away

    I'm tired of corporate Pop culture
    that uses a formula to emulate the great

    I'm tired of Elitist exploitation
    of my Family and Friends

    But I will stay awake.

    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=760705
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=762217
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=763399
    test
  2. This was an interesting piece. I mean, you captured the frustration of the day to day grind well. This was like a statement against all the things you notice and are dissapointed by. You made me feel like the world was a coverup by selfish people draining the resources from every square inch of the land. The end where you said ' I will stay awake', to me was like a line with a double meaning. As in: I will not give up and will go on regardless of these people making a poor place to live and thrive in, and also, I will stay awake meaning, I will see through their lies. There was some faith in this. It was like ' the truth will out' anyways, Nice poem. keep trusting your feelings.

    Take care
    test
  3. Clarksvegas_Dan

    Clarksvegas_Dan Registered Voter

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  4. Clarksvegas_Dan

    Clarksvegas_Dan Registered Voter

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  5. nathedawg

    nathedawg New Member

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    go to sleep already!!!........................

    nah just jokin, i thought you tackled some good issues in this piece, and

    welcome to the realm

    keep writing
    test
  6. Clarksvegas_Dan

    Clarksvegas_Dan Registered Voter

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    Cool. I felt what you were saying. It may not be the best style, but it was definetly real. peace.
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  7. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    You said alot in the little you wrote. That last line is what makes the poem what it is. Keep it up

    one luv
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  8. Clarksvegas_Dan

    Clarksvegas_Dan Registered Voter

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  9. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

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    I coulda swore I replied to this, lol...Anyway, I agree with mindsoul on this one...That last line made the poem to me...Matter of fact, I've got a piece called wakeup call that sorta almost on the same line as this, but maybe a little bit more drastic...but still liked this nonetheless...Anyhow, welcome to the realm...
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  10. Sun_Flower

    Sun_Flower Bluez By Loves Eye

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    I too agree on

    "I'm tired of psychiatrists who think
    that they can prescribe their problems away"

    Nicely written
    test
  11. nathedawg

    nathedawg New Member

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    I'm tired of facial cleansers that burn my face
    but never remove the blemish

    I'm tired of Shampoos that claim to moisturize
    but give me dandruff

    alright that is definetly different, luther, clarksvegas dan, ishmael, and vedantad!!!!

    i see you used your alter egos to reply to your own shit,, wtf dawg!!! lol are you that desperate for replies, or are you that fucked up!! lol just joking
    test
  12. InFiNiT_EEE

    InFiNiT_EEE dreaming out loud

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    true...lotsa aggrivating shit in life when u look real close...
    kool play on words too...bein soo tired wit bullshit, but not tired enuf to "go to sleep" kool stuf, definetely unique.
    test
  13. kyza soza

    kyza soza This way up.

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    The last line made the poem complete in my opinion. It made sure all the lines that came before it made sense and was pieced together well...

    Good drop my friend, good drop.
    test
  14. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    this made me smile..its one of those things that could go on together..i think it would be fun to do something like this as a realm collab

    nice job
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  15. nathedawg

    nathedawg New Member

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    I'm tired of Shampoos that claim to moisturize
    but give me dandruff

    i cant get enough of that right there!!!!!!!!!!!!
    test
  16. e'S

    e'S sdrowkcab mi kool

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    welcome to the realm
    damn i rember you on the way back

    I'm tired of corporate Pop culture
    that uses a formula to emulate the great

    like it
    test
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