Youth's Condensation

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by ChyllTyrant, Oct 26, 2005.

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  1. ChyllTyrant

    ChyllTyrant AmIEternalOrAnEternalist?

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    Youth's Condensation


    moments in the aristocrazy of so many jungle gyms
    memory becomes a hypocritoppotomus of gems

    and how the morning star falls in the wake of minds
    we are what we are, what we make in naked winds

    the cone of the soft and the stump of the hard
    trumpets and harps playing for lumps in our heart

    going to bed, with a story to tingle
    to strangled emotions, life's tangle

    the elusive crayfish in the stream, conscience, a wading
    was it all a dream? was it a conscious awakening?


    was our coc-oon so small, that breaking skin brought a tear
    which tore through our teenage years, rang through our ears?
    was the moon so big, that we had to conquer it?
    in a conk did we hear the ocean, did we have to honor it?
    was the lamb so sweet, that it had to be slaughtered?
    or was the point to pass on, to relive through our daughter?

    as we look back... did it ever make sense?
    til we had opened our minds, was life ever as dense?
    when we first used the word bitch, did we lose innocense?
    did we intensify emotion, did our imagination only condense?


    sometimes, after long servitude, i stare out into space
    and wonder, what did i deserve? how was it erased?
    test
  2. DA-SMOOTHEST-TALKA

    DA-SMOOTHEST-TALKA The Silencer

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    Ok... i really liked this,but what got me the most was the last paragraph for this poem those lines were put together nicely i must say with much respect. Im not really a big critic so i can't fault or tell you what was wrong about this joint only what i thought made it stand out so nice job im uppin!
    test
  3. GilbertGrape

    GilbertGrape charles bucket

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    1,468
    i come to just to read from you and a few others.
    you should be published.
    only bits i dont like are the few that make it known that the poet is still alive
    dont mind me
    you should be revered. or maybe you already are.
    test
  4. ChyllTyrant

    ChyllTyrant AmIEternalOrAnEternalist?

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2003
    Messages:
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    thankz for da support peeps.

    very much appreciated...

    PEACE
    test
  5. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    Messages:
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    nice..i like the concept and your flow was real nice in this one....creative..

    keep doing ya thang
    test
  6. ~Eloquent

    ~Eloquent Narcissistic....

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    you always seem to maintain a very nice but simplistic type of rhythm...

    to me this was about just tryin to stay alive
    cuz all of the problems you face
    somethin's their that seems to keep you hoping
    giving you somethin that you got to stay around for
    cuz you can never give up...
    test
  7. broken_wings113

    broken_wings113 New Member

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    sometimes, after long servitude, i stare out into space
    and wonder, what did i deserve? how was it erased?

    i don't know why but for some strange reason i liked those two lines, i liked the piece on the whole. And the structure was good the whole couplet thing. nywyas god piece
    test
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