Yours to Cherish Now

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Makadoshious, Jul 30, 2003.

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  1. Makadoshious

    Makadoshious New Member

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    Ok, I am taking a poetry class in the fall, so I need to sharpen up my game. I am not coming into this post with a poem, but an idea, and I will structure it on from this point. I really like the term "yours to cherish now", so that will be the title of the poem.

    Let's roll!
    ____________________________________________________


    Our paths cross in the distance
    my eyes blurred from spattered sunlights
    Unfamiliar or unaware of your exsistence
    even if one night or our whole life
    Will be yours to Cherish now.

    The presence of a purpose greater than either of us
    To nurture the sunlight of tomorrow
    They shall inherit the beauty and meekness of us
    Along with our imperfections and sorrow.
    These are for them to cherish now.

    Well ok then!

    Feedback is a good thing
    test
  2. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

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    good good! i do like it, however it ended way tooooooo soon IMO hehe...seriously i would've loved to read more, you have good ideas, you expand on them well, you seem to know how to write a good line, would love to see expansion on the pieces.
    test
  3. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

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    yeah i agree with skandelous, it was a really good peice but longer would have been better, and the idea was great. nice peice or start to a peice
    test
  4. Makadoshious

    Makadoshious New Member

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    thanks for the feedback
    test
  5. I liked the swiftness of this and how much you captured in such a short space, also the title really grabbed me, very nice.
    test
  6. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    i liked...could really see this takeing off....would like to see more from u

    up
    test
  7. Makadoshious

    Makadoshious New Member

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    thanks lpoet, most nights I post im too damn tired to write, or think for that matter lol

    I will be writing much more in the next few months though
    test
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