You're The Reason

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Psycho69, Mar 9, 2004.

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  1. Psycho69

    Psycho69 A Soul Born In Verse

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2002
    Messages:
    815
    I've been off my game a bit, so I've been dabbling in different styles.. so go easy on me lol.. I'm new to this style of writing, not sure if I do it right.

    I close my eyes and live in the dream
    That you once again stand before me
    I reach my hand out to touch your cheek
    Opening my eyes to see you're not there

    I will forever search for our lost love
    I know it is there just waiting to be found
    Your kisses remain as a memory for now
    They comfort me till I relive them again

    If the only way to hear you say you love me
    Was for me to go deaf right then after
    I would give it up that very second
    As long as that's the last thing I hear

    A love which was reality is no longer real
    I sleep and dream of it through the night
    And day dream of it through each day
    I cannot face reality if it's without you

    Each memory of your kiss feels like death
    But I lack the strength to ever forget
    So I will kiss you a thousand more times
    And I will die a thousand more deaths
    Because I cannot help but love you

    My own life begun when we first kissed
    And it ended when you had then left me
    You're the reason as to why I'm alive
    You're the reason why I want to die
    test
  2. Nebulaz

    Nebulaz fear God, not man

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2001
    Messages:
    950
    Ok, psycho, to just get this out of the way now i've loved some of your past work and that i'm not flaming you in the least bit. this is purely constructive criticism =). with this piece you drabbling left you at mediocre. the word selection was nothing beyond elementary. The story you told has been duplicated by every poet: great and lackluster. And nothing was ever really defined in detail. Your structure was great tho, and this is an excellent starting point as in starting a new style is very difficult and you made a great transition. you just need to pin point the seams to sew this style to a whole.
    test
  3. Psycho69

    Psycho69 A Soul Born In Verse

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2002
    Messages:
    815
    Thank You.. I don't take offense to that.

    No one ever really bothers criticising my stuff so I never really am totally aware of what I might be lacking in or just doing wrong.. I'm just now attempting to write that way so I really don't know what I'm doing, so I'm looking for opinions and such so I can learn from it and imporve somewhat on this style.

    Thanks :)
    test
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