Your World

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by mizz_juvie06, Apr 25, 2005.

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  1. mizz_juvie06

    mizz_juvie06 MIZZ RAE

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2005
    Messages:
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    My deep inadequate soul cries your name
    You are nowhere around to hear its agony
    Extended far beyond the clouds of heaven,
    my distinctly frail arms reach out for you
    Dying in your arms would far exceed ecstasy and holding you forever would surpass every great moment in my life put together
    One night without you is an eternity in hell and a lifetime without you is a hell all in itself
    The world I used to know has with drawn itself’
    I am somewhere not located on an earthly map
    I am in a world filled with dreams and aspirations of only one being
    This new peace is filled with visions of only you
    The only death I can perceive is waking from here
    My mind and soul will never depart from your world
    test
  2. Soular Guided

    Soular Guided Soulful Dike...

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2004
    Messages:
    1,065
    The last line of this reminded me of how I felt about a special someone! I think the length could've been increased.. Overall.. pretty abstract so it was to my liking.. very much.. peace!
    test
  3. BK-NEON

    BK-NEON I'm Me, Bitch!!!

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 1999
    Messages:
    680
    welcome to RM!! I liked this, i thought it was cool

    Dying in your arms would far exceed ecstasy and holding you forever would surpass every great moment in my life put together
    One night without you is an eternity in hell and a lifetime without you is a hell all in itself

    I liked those lines right there....hope to see more from you
    test
  4. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    welcome..

    decent piece...ima need to see u drop a few replies before i give u a lengthy reply..

    hope to see u around more..
    test
  5. Madnick

    Madnick Modern Laureate

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2004
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    1,111
    That last line was dope.. A real good message in this piece man.. Keep pposting and I'll keep reading..
    test
  6. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
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    Welcome to the realm. I think this was a decent piece. Nothing really just jumped out and grabbed my attention. I think it would have been nice if the poem was a bit longer.

    One luv
    test
  7. mizz_juvie06

    mizz_juvie06 MIZZ RAE

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    Apr 22, 2005
    Messages:
    11
    thanks for the advice and i'll try to use it
    test
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