Your Path

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by quotive, May 9, 2004.

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  1. quotive

    quotive 3

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    I see my last piece got slept on then a mufucka... lol... heres the pieces I replied to...

    Struggles with Sanity - Zeta, Hatred - Eloquent Poet, Philosophical - xGTx

    This is something for a person I love deeply.. it doesn't get deep into the reason I wrote it, because its short, but theres a meaning. I hope you can ENJOY.


    I... witness beauty in the ugliest places
    in ones perspective thats been acustomed to changes
    I've been cuffed to amazement
    as I invision the disgust, and the anguish
    the only thing to discuss is creation
    of creaces on sidewalks, and I swipe the dust off the pavement
    your love's what I'm praisin'
    this will serve as my justification

    Listen, your path is right
    you'll make it through the saddest nights
    with a little ambition, and sacrifice
    I'll supply you confidence when you have a slight
    grasp of fright

    I love you, and its more than your sexual attraction
    we share something special with our passion
    .. something that most people, never could imagine ..
    theres more to you, than whats embedded in your fashion

    I have a confession to make
    I love you more than ever... with you, I'll never question my fate
    you've never lessened my faith
    our love is permanant, it will never erase
    your never severed from grace
    we've leveled in place
    at an incredible pace...

    I love you...




    It's not COMPLETELY done, but its about there. Hope you enjoyed it, and show me some love! lol.. Uno..
    test
  2. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    well i hope this one doesnt get slept on like your last one man..happens to the best of us

    this was dope..it reminds me of a piece i did a while ago about a girl who was in a history class i had freshman yr of college..i was very intrigued by her b/c it didnt seem like she knew or even wanted to get to know everyone..she always dressed in jogging suits and shit and made it very clear that she didnt care what she looked like b/c she wasnt looking for a man....lol....memmories..i ended up becoming pretty good friends with her..lol *wink*

    anyhow

    loved the flow very easy to read and very relateable

    not sure about this though

    I have a confession to make
    I love you more than ever

    i didnt think that fit in..u just had said how much u love her in lines before this..just seems out of place..thats the type of thing you put in the begining or save for the very end when you build up to it...

    still a good piece though

    Upin for you
    test
  3. Sporadic

    Sporadic New Member

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    Mar 7, 2004
    Messages:
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    shit was dope - rhyme scheme off the chain as i'm accustomed, and I was diggin what you were sayin - Quotable? the whole fuckin thing...shit was dope - i'm a have to steal this and give it to a girl i'm not in love w/ just to fuck w/ her...j/k, i aint no biter meng! duece trey like MJ and keep that shit up..
    test
  4. quotive

    quotive 3

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    Yeah Ipoet, I know, but I was trying to push the limits with that line, and you caught me :( lol.. Thanks for the props ya'll.. Glad you was feelin' it.

    Stay uppp.. Uno.
    test
  5. nathedawg

    nathedawg New Member

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    i was feeling this piece in its entirety, nothing really stuck out that i saw except


    good piece though dawg, uppin
    test
  6. baby_gurl 18

    baby_gurl 18 mYstEri0u$ 0nE

    Joined:
    May 10, 2004
    Messages:
    13
    i luv'd this piece....your outpouring of love for this person was tyte
    your vocab a good too.....i luv'd your structure
    i absolutely luv'd these lines....nice work

    ~peace~
    test
  7. SAMARA

    SAMARA truth is a sword

    Joined:
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    I do not know about all women, but scored points with

    "I love you, and its more than your sexual attraction"
    test
  8. Tilted Saga

    Tilted Saga Peter Parker@

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    Mar 2, 2003
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    dope flow...

    I feel you on pretty much everything in there...

    stray away from cliches though
    test
  9. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    That first line really jumped out at me. Keep doing your thing man. The replies will come

    one luv
    test
  10. misspimp

    misspimp a.k.a KATURAH

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2003
    Messages:
    1,308
    very beautiful dedication piece...only pray that i can one day feel this way about someone and have them feel it in return as well...very nicely done

    mad love
    test
  11. CommonenemY

    CommonenemY locomokopokeyohoehoe

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2004
    Messages:
    866
    this was nice...

    one of those lovey dovey kind of pieces...

    you stayed on point....

    i liked the ending...

    I have a confession to make
    I love you more than ever... with you, I'll never question my fate
    you've never lessened my faith
    our love is permanant, it will never erase
    your never severed from grace
    we've leveled in place
    at an incredible pace...

    how you stayed w/the ace thing the whole way through didnt seem to easy for the quality you came up with...

    you didnt sacrifice content for rhyme..
    test
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