Your Leaving

You walk out the door
and say no more
Partings are never wat they seem too be
I never want too be that person
They just arent real too me

You can leave without a word
But i'll think of you forever
you are just one touch away
but too have you is not wat i heard!

The stars are in the sky
The sun is hot as it shines
I just want too fly never be set down
Never be trampeled by the minority of life!

Set me free
Just let me be
i want too live
but is it worth it?!

without you it means nothing
just another daze
nothing is nothing
without you too light my torch
and guide me through the sights of night

When you left you tore me in two
you had my other half but it doesn't appear anymore
I have no shadow its wat i see
you were my shadow
but too me its not wat i see

I saw us in our youth happy and free
No one touched us and just let us be
But the shackles of life are on me now
You took the key that set me free
And i wonder is there any point?

My end is now
Ill miss you all
But its not what i want
I had my chance i threw the key
In the abscess my heart went with it.

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Im only new on here but i like the poems you guys and gurls have wrote! their cool! Hope mines Not too bad....

"If You Have 2 choices too make and are stuck by both turn away and make your own choice"

welcome to the realm

i like this..however i think that u should work on your lines a bit....go a lil more in depth....its cool to be vague sometimes and you dont always have to sound deep...what i'm saying is give the reader a bit more of a picture...i want to follow u better...

still a nice job

again welcome and i hope to see more from you soon

UPIN

^I agree with lpoet. This piece was fairly good, i Just think you should get more depth. Work with your words and try not to make it sound so cliche. But i enjoyed the read. Welcome to the realm.

one luv

thanx for the feed by the way, much apperciated, ya kno what, imma break it down for ya

You walk out the door
and say no more
Partings are never wat they seem too be
I never want too be that person
They just arent real too me
this is nice, emotion is deep, felt this opener, vocab needs to be up'd tho' abit...not hating, just constructive critisism

You can leave without a word
But i'll think of you forever
you are just one touch away
but too have you is not wat i heard!
nice is straight deep four lines here, the last line keeps goin straight over my head tho', no matter how many times i read it

The stars are in the sky
The sun is hot as it shines
I just want too fly never be set down
Never be trampeled by the minority of life!
word, the last line is dope, nicely linked with the previous line "fly" and "trampled on", i like that

Set me free
Just let me be
i want too live
but is it worth it?!
this is a bit vague as lpoet said, i dont think this line came from your heart, try to make these lines deeper like you truly mean them, get me?
without you it means nothing
just another daze
nothing is nothing
without you too light my torch
and guide me through the sights of night
i like this stanza, all of it, this was the best one so far, especially the third, forth and fifth lines, they weer straight fire

When you left you tore me in two
you had my other half but it doesn't appear anymore
I have no shadow its wat i see
you were my shadow
but too me its not wat i see
first two lines are doooooooope!!!!...damn, i love all of this one, ill

I saw us in our youth happy and free
No one touched us and just let us be
But the shackles of life are on me now
You took the key that set me free
And i wonder is there any point?
this was flames aswell, your closure on this poem is real nice...much more emotions are released and it is comin a whole lot deeper as a result of this!!!
My end is now
Ill miss you all
But its not what i want
I had my chance i threw the key
In the abscess my heart went with it.
nicely linked the two last lines by the metaphor, i liked this

overall i thought this poem was lackin emotion at the begining sadly, but BOY did you pick it up towards the end, it started flowing like a mofo!!!...i liked it just for the second half of it....peace easy...welcome to te realm[/I

...Tanks for the info was cool nice and well constructed I know it was abit heywire in the first verse and some lines coz it was my first one but thanks all the same Ive got loads more abit better than that one lol I shall be around and thank you again
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"Build a monument and smash it when i dont want too be like it just because you have false idols in me"

hmm so one bloody steal my name grrr oh well
ok it was kinda of ok like how pplz said more depth

this was alrite.. kinda shady in some parts... keep on writing..