Your ghost

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Feme Sole, Oct 21, 2003.

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  1. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

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    Past
    Sometimes when I was with you
    i sang for death; (under my breath because i can't really sing)
    I heard that theres peace in heaven
    but i was one of those women
    that settled
    for their piece of hell.
    Im sorry
    for bleeding
    on your sheets that night.
    I didnt know my pen would leak
    the night I finally got some sleep.

    Present
    Pause my darling and reflect.
    Now genuflect.
    Im your new religion
    and,
    while you fuck behind luxuries doors
    i make love on dirty floors.

    Future
    Looks bleak...
    You will sing hymns of praise
    to the one that got away.
    That night when she bled on your bed,
    she left you the bones of wisdom
    dangling like coins to the opened and poors.
    You will pour your heart out on the floor
    and use the coins to coin your hymns of praise
    while she slowly sneaks away
    to claim her throne.
    You will remember
    the beautiful things
    thrown out by you and never claimed.
    As you sing those hymns of praise.
    Looks bleak...
    test
  2. mavrik...

    mavrik... Lyrically Transparent ...

    Joined:
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    192
    wow ... this was pretty dope, indeed.
    i'm liking the way you set this one up, past,present,and future...nice thinking. scheme was nice as well ... came together in an abstract way, but formed up.

    keep writing ... i liked this one ... not to lengthy, the perfect size :).
    test
  3. Oni Mag

    Oni Mag ~~~~~~

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2003
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    1,386
    Was really feelin this ish...

    "while you fuck behind luxuries doors
    i make love on dirty floors."

    ^that was my favorite line ma lol.
    But on the real some real open proffesional soundin ish. Publisher material. Niceish.
    test
  4. BlackSoultan Ad Infinitum

    BlackSoultan Ad Infinitum aka Billy Shoreview

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    Damn...
    test
  5. sagacious infant

    sagacious infant reflecting the sun

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    i have to read this again with more focus...but i like all the blood and pen and blood stuff...

    bbl
    test
  6. FukkedUPKidR

    FukkedUPKidR Guest

    "while you fuck behind luxuries doors
    i make love on dirty floors."

    Let me just say I love those lines...yes....Will there ever be a piece of yours that I don't love? I'm always drawn to your writing, duh you know this

    peace
    test
  7. StubbilyMug

    StubbilyMug DayorDollar Records

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2003
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    441
    i sang for death; (under my breath because i can't really sing)
    lifts the dark curtain

    but i was one of those women
    that settled
    for their piece of hell.
    ok line there

    Im sorry
    for bleeding
    on your sheets that night.
    I didnt know my pen would leak
    the night I finally got some sleep.
    i need to know more about this part..

    while you fuck behind luxuries doors
    i make love on dirty floors.
    most expressive/blunt part--i think

    very personal(ya obviously), sometimes so that it's difficult to understand at parts tho..intriguing..what point of view is this written from??? ya
    oh, and what does genuflect mean?

    keep up






    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?threadid=656970
    test
  8. StubbilyMug

    StubbilyMug DayorDollar Records

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    oh ya, and you are gay
    test
  9. *DowntownStar*

    *DowntownStar* ____________________

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    Jun 6, 2002
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    2,866
    Sometimes when I was with you, i sang for death; (under my breath because i can't really sing)
    there really is no happily ever after in a charade. but we don't know it's a charade until they pull their mask off and only then do we realize they aren't who we thought. very telling premonition.

    Im sorry for bleeding on your sheets that night.
    I didnt know my pen would leak the night I finally got some sleep.

    hearts burst and pour out most when they are broken. i wish it weren't so. ink flows with tears and we rest exhausted but the sleep isn't nourishing, it's defeated. love is like that.

    Pause my darling and reflect. Now genuflect. Im your new religion
    tides turn in time. you become the thing you wanted to believe in your 'better' half. the someone you seek to trust shimmers in your mirror.

    while you fuck behind luxuries doors, i make love on dirty floors.
    to the naked eye it's the same thing but the heart sees the difference. the loneliest woman in the world is a second violinist away from her quartet. haydn's counterpoint is pointless without the outer harmony to envelop it.

    You will sing hymns of praise to the one that got away.
    it goes around and it comes around again. the game remains only the players change.

    That night when she bled on your bed, she left you the bones of wisdom
    dangling like coins to the opened and poors.
    ...

    use the coins to coin your hymns of praise while she slowly sneaks away to claim her throne.

    autumn is hard for a pimpernel. sometimes the one who bleeds the most is the one with the blade. love's sharp is double-edged. remember this well. (beautiful lines here. the poetic justice is undeniable. life itself should be so well wrapped up but then we'd need no poetry, n'est-ce pas?)

    time wounds all heels and i am very thankful for that.

    great drop feme! i needed this today... [heart]
    test
  10. El-ahrairah

    El-ahrairah prince with 1000 enemies

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    15,122
    This question everyone has: Is Feme Sole as beautiful as her writing?
    test
  11. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Apr 10, 2001
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    17,331
    Well it looks like dios broke it down quite well lol. This was very beautiful, and unique...

    "i sang for death"

    ^that line kinda hit me hard, kinda took me a memory lane there..

    one luv
    test
  12. Tha Juggla

    Tha Juggla Professional Magician

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    Apr 11, 2001
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    13,066
    Very Beautiful, deep, no mater what i say it wont express the right emotion's very groovy ;)
    test
  13. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

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    wow, this peice just blew me away, every bit of it...i dont know what to say other than wow...cos thats all i got
    test
  14. Speedy Gunzalez

    Speedy Gunzalez Awareness is my Alias

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    Jul 31, 2001
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    9,400
    This piece is incredible....

    As I've exhaustively expressed before, I love your style Feme.

    The fluidity of this piece and the interconnections you make are impressive.

    As sag said, I would like to read this with more focus to really appreciate the creativeness.

    Nice drop Feme

    Oh and dios broke it dowwwwwnnn!!!...lol
    test
  15. Ax Cess

    Ax Cess Huh...

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    10,907
    Very nice drop...im definetely loving the structure most people would have that all jumbled together but not you...=]

    See now your going to get this copyrighted and for good reason too....i liked the present the best and it made me learn a new word....=]
    test
  16. ~S*T*A*R*M~

    ~S*T*A*R*M~ Goddess

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    10,138
    [color=ffcc99]dooope.. I really liked this. I dug how you broke it down & still made everything come back full circle. I read it twice! Nice work, Ms Feme =)
    [/color]
    test
  17. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    12,678
    i sang for death; (under my breath because i can't really sing)


    that is a beautiful lines....it really hit me...very nice piece u have here feme....damn...ima be saying that in my head all damn day..good shit
    test
  18. marc antony

    marc antony It's all about da ass....

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    1,217
    You will pour your heart out on the floor
    and use the coins to coin your hymns of praise
    while she slowly sneaks away
    to claim her throne.
    You will remember
    the beautiful things
    thrown out by you and never claimed.

    ^^^no she didnt!!! lol

    <<<<wants to critique juss like dios....but cant....
    test
  19. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

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    marc i dont understand [dunno] lol

    and thanks everyone [heart]
    test
  20. Makadoshious

    Makadoshious New Member

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    7,028
    im not sure if you did it on purpose or not, but the constant reference to pouring and coins in the 3rd stanza gives me a very vivid picture

    All in all I enjoyed it
    test
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