Your beauty ( rough copy v-day poem )

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Philly_215, Feb 22, 2005.

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  1. Philly_215

    Philly_215 The Silent Poet

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    your beauty
    is magnified by the randomness of your creation
    your silhouette's like an eclipse blessing every thing with a sultry kiss
    some times I wish I was air kissing and caressing you every where
    it’s the rise of your cheeks,
    that present that smile that secretes love so deep
    the feeling of you watching me,
    gives me strength of Hercules or the speed of mercury
    or the bravery of a noble beast
    your beauty empowers me
    even in silence we speak
    our hearts where just the start
    our souls now can't part,
    inter twined singing to angel making them giggle and smile
    not an after affect of cupids arrow,
    but the unlikely chance of hearts previously so narrow
    they now flutter like sparrow
    set free of the pain, the past and the change,
    or there lack there of,
    it drove us both almost insane
    the edge of our own abyss locked in our own personal cages

    but now
    we have been knighted by love
    warmed to room temperature an handed a path of choice to walk apou
    not handed perfection but a chance of selection,
    a podium of expression, an audience of one and their full attention
    shed skins of despair, elude hypnotic traces sent my flirtatious deer's
    we started the little bang, our universe created our way
    as time stands still watching us hold one another near

    cause your beauty,
    is magnified by the randomness of your creation
    the mix of gene's and unimaginable situations
    all to form you a beauty so true
    in my grasp I hold, in your grasp a cold heart slowly warms
    in our presence is heaven...
    test
  2. InTheStars

    InTheStars Reflective

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    Feb 13, 2004
    Messages:
    510
    I like what you had to say in the poem..and I noticed that you said rough draft...I am curious about how the final draft came out and if you restructured the poem any (that is what I would of done, but that is me). Repeating the first two lines really adds to your love for the beauty that your love possess. Nice drop
    test
  3. Amerrorist

    Amerrorist American Terror Is..

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    May 11, 2003
    Messages:
    341
    Nice imagery. You chose words carefully and it pieced together well. Had its' depth in emotion and the meaning was clear. Keep alive.
    test
  4. Madnick

    Madnick Modern Laureate

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    Dec 9, 2004
    Messages:
    1,111
    This was nice philly you had some real nice imaginary in this poem that I was really feeling I liked the scarlett love line that was real nice. Keep dropping and stay up.
    test
  5. b3LLig3r3nT

    b3LLig3r3nT b3LLig3r3nT

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    Sep 9, 2004
    Messages:
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    i really liked this.. the line ab0ut making an angel giggle and smile.. made me smile, lol

    cause your beauty,
    is magnified by the randomness of your creation
    the mix of gene's and unimaginable situations
    all to form you a beauty so true
    in my grasp I hold, in your grasp a cold heart slowly warms
    in our presence is heaven...

    ^ Beautiful
    test
  6. ~Eloquent

    ~Eloquent Narcissistic....

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2003
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    4,076
    man how powerful is the guidance given by love,
    sometimes it can really take you under the spell if your not careful,
    ive definitely been misled by infatuation,
    but fortunately for you you seem to be very convinced,
    like theirs nothin no one can say to make you feel different,
    man that must be a great feeling
    knowin that your love is returned...
    great piece..
    test
  7. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2004
    Messages:
    5,023
    oooh I typed so much and my screen went to my homepage on accident!
    Anyway-I like this poem because it doesn't just talk about the good times, but also the bad. I always think if you're in a relationship and you haven't had a bad moment then you're bound for it-but that doesn't mean it has to end. It takes teamwork to make love work, and we know what the qualities/characteristics of teamwork are. Another thing is this piece reminds me so much of my relationship. I can't tell you how many "difficulties" there's been lol. but most of it was in a time when neither of us had a clear vision of things, just knew what we wanted in life-I hope that makes enough sense. The line "...take it slow..." sums it up. I don't know, it's good though. These types of poems can go on to infinity because you never really are satisfied when you can't fully describe/express what love/beauty is to you, and how much it means, it simply goes on.
    -Much Love
    test
  8. Philly_215

    Philly_215 The Silent Poet

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    Jan 14, 2005
    Messages:
    436
    Thanks to all for the luv.

    and to IntheStar,

    i was going to go back and re do it but i sent it to her and got threatened not to change a thing. so this is really the final draft cause i really didn't feel like getting my ass whipped for a poem lol.

    but thanks yall and stay up
    test
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