young love

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Southern_Dirty, Jun 21, 2003.

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  1. Southern_Dirty

    Southern_Dirty -="Too Dirty fo Ya'll"=-

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    Jun 20, 2003
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    8
    this one is more of a free verse;

    look at love what do you see...whether it is clouds, hearts, parents or you and me...do you think of home, friends, or parties...do you think love comes from the air, and feelings of beautiful things...or from the words of songs it sings...life is a bird, a flower, a letter...love is a great thing that makes a bad day seem better....love can be near or far...its all around us wherever we are...from the couple in the corner sharing a drink...or the woman over ther giving winks...breath, life, everythings grand cuz if not I'll be damned....but I have a confession to make...cuz girl you make a begger seem great...if only if you give me the time and date...the way you do your hair....all the clothes you wear...I just have to stare..........what I'm trying to get at just follow the clues...cuz trying to say that I have a crush on you is hard to do
    test
  2. varentao

    varentao New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2003
    Messages:
    765
    It was nicely done....

    ...you wrote it in a nice way..simple, smooth..and so qaint..

    ..in the middle of it i got lost a bit...i felt it coiuld've been done a biut better..

    ..but overall, it didn't matter much...i liked how you seemed to put forward your 'desperation' in a sense...cos you describe it in such a beautiful way...like you're a great observer of it...but then go along the lines "yet it's so hard for me to tell you..".


    ...resp...
    test
  3. MisterEThoughts

    MisterEThoughts MysteryOfUntoldTruth

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    nice and simple the way i like it got to the point
    got ur point across dif nice flow nice word play beautiful man keep blessing
    test
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