Writing wrongs...

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by akqrate, Jan 24, 2005.

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  1. akqrate

    akqrate Ear-candy

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    Ok guys I got robbed yesterday, while I was clubbing, some lowlives broke my car window and took my amps, subs, etc. and it really made me angry not for these material things but for the invasion of privacy. So I decided to write a little something which might not be politically correct, but in the spur of this moment, here's to them:



    Broken into...
    They stole from me
    A glass window smashed
    to open a window of opportunity

    Reach into the cavity
    open the door slowly
    carefully, don't slice your arm
    milk all you can out of my harm

    Unplug the cables, break into
    my mobility, my freedom, my life
    pull out all the connections to
    my music, my muse, my heart

    Money can be made again
    to gain again, to spend again,
    it is the intrusion of my privacy
    that makes me feel totally spent

    Run away now with my identity
    destroying my fortress of soltitude
    I bet you think you can fly now
    Using the cherished wings I grew

    Losses and gains, richer and poorer
    judgement day we're all the same
    for all eyes that couldn't see tonight
    an omnipotent pair will see you to hell

    You wronged my ethereal night
    etherealness could have been yours
    unfortunately you've lost your right...
    test
  2. akqrate

    akqrate Ear-candy

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    Being slept on really aches.
    test
  3. Poetickz

    Poetickz The Humble One

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    this is a decent piece...liked the imagery in this piece, could imagine a theif comin in and stealing your shit to ur studio...somehtin like that happend here too, and it really sux...

    i liked this stanza, feelin how u sayin, the money dosnt bother me, but the fact u had the audacity to do somethin so low is what fucks me up...fellin it man. keep doin you.
    one
    test
  4. akqrate

    akqrate Ear-candy

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    word thanks man, all the feed is appreciated. Show some love up in here people!
    test
  5. ManMadeofAshes

    ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER

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    didnt I promise I would never neglect you again! patience patience. just kidding. Im the same way. anyway.. this shit is awsome man. Amazing actually. Vivid expression and a powerful ending. <--something I admire most from poets when they are successful.

    "Broken into...
    They stole from me
    A glass window smashed
    to open a window of opportunity"

    ^ that is sooo fucking cool man. Its like.... for some people .. that is all the opertunity they have. Goes nicely with this idea of... being able to open oppertunity for themselves by taking advantage of you. I don't know. This is just very well put. much respect.

    "Reach into the cavity
    open the door slowly
    carefully, don't slice your arm
    milk all you can out of my harm"

    awsome awsome. Perfect image. It is almost as if they are reaching inside of you and the car is just a metephore.

    -i feel your winter and I feel your rain. I feel you what you want... and I feel the same. I feel what you want and I feel your pain.


    "Unplug the cables, break into
    my mobility, my freedom, my life
    pull out all the connections to
    my music, my muse, my heart"

    ^ rhythm is not as powerful here as the above to, but your metaphore is dopeness. Loving the way you compare yourself to the car. They didn't have to break into you for it to hurt... they broke into a part of you and it is, in a sense worse. Physical pain is easy to deal with.. because you dont deal with it. It goes away on its own.. but a feeling.. thats something you must resolve inside yourself.

    "Money can be made again
    to gain again, to spend again,
    it is the intrusion of my privacy
    that makes me feel totally spent

    Run away now with my identity
    destroying my fortress of soltitude
    I bet you think you can fly now
    Using the cherished wings I grew"

    ^everything in this peice screams violation. Its like punched in the face over and over.. such raw emotion can not be ignored.

    "Losses and gains, richer and poorer
    judgement day we're all the same
    for all eyes that couldn't see tonight
    an omnipotent pair will see you to hell

    You wronged my ethereal night
    etherealness could have been yours
    unfortunately you've lost your right..."

    ^ awsome ending. YOu dont need to know the person to know what they are. People like that don't deserve shit, and thats why they steal is because their environment recognizes they don't deserve shit. People who are unable to pull their heads into another persons mentality deserve what they have already done in a mental sense. To be isolated.

    awsome work man. Im sorry that your inspiration was what it was, but sometimes we need a reminder. We need to know that life is not going to always be what you want it. But the more you become aware of this, the better you will be at manipulating your environment to ensure the degree of likelyness fades.

    look forward to your next drop man.

    ashes
    test
  6. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

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    ^woooord up....nice to have ashes back around

    he broke this down pretty much for ya....what I personally liked about this was the open honesty and the free flow of your thoughts and concern....looking beyond that material stuff and what it really felt like...I can connect with that...I had my bike stolen back in high school and it was my only form of transportation and I was very angry and upset...but soon enough I was able to buy a car so it all worked out....I like the flow of this poem...that reaching in arms and milking what you got was a flawless line really impressive...love the descipition of what they did...gives the reader those omni-eyes you spoke of later...stealing is a deadly sin...just now that whatever goes around comes back around...they'll get theirs soon enough believe that....glad you came out the bigger man....least thats what I'm getting from this....oh and I LOVE the title....very creative....keep writing man

    PEACE AND GODBLESS
    test
  7. akqrate

    akqrate Ear-candy

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    Ashes and UFO, U guys are the two poets that honestly make this realm what it is. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply with such important feedback, and honestly you guys deserve the best because you guys can appreciate someone else's point of view, and even give advice. Thanks Ashes for the advice, and UFO ur right, I did come out on top now that u made me realise it. God bless yall.
    Any more feeds people?
    test
  8. THE TAURUS

    THE TAURUS NOTHING BUT RAGE

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    Thats Fucked Up

    Yo sorry to hear that you got robbed.

    But on a better note this shit was hot.
    The way you just came up with it out of anger and
    it still had a nice flow to it. That shit is off the hook.
    test
  9. MC_Paste

    MC_Paste

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    this was cool man.. no1 flips shit here in the realm like you do.. tahts why I lvoe reading your peotry... the ending n hte first stanza were my favorite
    test
  10. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    "Unplug the cables, break into
    my mobility, my freedom, my life
    pull out all the connections to
    my music, my muse, my heart"

    ^My favorite stanza man. Somebody broke into my car about two weeks ago and stole all of my cds I had in there. Fucked me up pretty bad because I had nothing but spoken word joints in there at the time. Just something I like to have around to keep me sane, now the shit is gone [game]


    One luv
    test
  11. akqrate

    akqrate Ear-candy

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    Aww Mind Soul bro dont worry man everyone gets their due. Also thanks to the Taurus, i like yo name dude, and also MC Paste tellin me no1 flips shit like me?? dude ur shit is off the chain 4 real!
    test
  12. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

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    Sorry I upped this akqrate but I haven't read something from you in a long time, my fault. This is something most certain to add to your experiences I think. I'm not positive anything of mine is politically correct, so you're not alone! (and besides, I don't have a car yet)
    My dad had a custom designed silverado step side and it was parked in the garage lot at this apartment condo in New Orleans and one morning it was gone. They found it a few weeks after and you could barely tell it was the truck. Rims, tires, stereo, radar, leather bucket seats, even the side panel, it was all gone. Cost him 17,000 to have it all "repaired." Still has it lol. Just adding my own two cents. I don't know anyone who hasn't had their car broken into around here. But there's worse going on around here and everywhere. I really don't feel like criticizing this piece, you know where you're going. Unless you want me to lol
    -Much Love
    test
  13. akqrate

    akqrate Ear-candy

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    realms, why dont u, i'm a very open minded person, i'd love to hear your two cents.
    test
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