Writing Was Freedom

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by B-Nasty, Oct 8, 2006.

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  1. B-Nasty

    B-Nasty New Member

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    If writing was freedom..
    Why do we write on lined paper..
    Trappin' our thoughts..
    Chokin' 'em
    Between these blue bars..
    ..I remember..
    I used to sit back and close them..
    'n write thoughts..
    On my lids with my pupils..
    Let 'em flow..n watch 'em disappear..
    ..I remember..
    I used to free in my mind..
    Scarring my mind with..
    depressing and sometimes happy thoughts..
    Line after line..
    And forgetting the last one I rhymed..
    ..I remember..
    When writing was fun..
    Now I write..Razor sharp lines
    That cut my thoughts..
    And I sit still..With a lined paper before me
    Choking a Bic pen..Between my fingers..
    As if it'll leak ink..
    and form my thoughts between these..
    Barbaric lines taunting me to keep form..
    N they tell me, "It's writer's block"..
    I think not..I beg to differ..
    N They say I’m paranoid..Annoyed..
    By strange thoughts..Of Hilroy..
    A lined paper.. With a blade to my wrist
    Taunting me to write uniformally..
    As I shed teary, yet..
    Perfect trains of thought..
    ..Bloody wristed..my hand moves..
    creatin' symbols we call words..
    As I repeat,
    "I remember..when writing was freedom."
    test
  2. Definit_

    Definit_ P0ETiiCLiiCHE'

    Joined:
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    207
    If writing was freedom..
    Why do we write on lined paper..
    Trappin our thoughts..
    Chokin' 'em
    Between these blue bars..
    ..I remember..
    I used to sit back and close them..
    'n write thoughts..
    On my lids with my pupils..
    Let 'em flow..n watch 'em disappear..


    ^^Very well written. This piece had me from the beginning man. The analogy of the entrapment of our thoughts/word in between bars, as if our people aren't like that already. It's like taking the cliche'd version of prison and flipping it with poetry. I loved this.

    Bless.
    test
  3. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    Thats Deep Man I Love That Shit Razor Sharp Lines Cut My Thoughts Hot Lol. I Can Make A Poem Off That One Line Kid.
    test
  4. B-Nasty

    B-Nasty New Member

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    Definit_:Thanks man. I thought i'm gonna have to come in here and analyze my own poem thinking a lot of people won't understand it fully. I'll keep a lookout for any of your postings :)

    mr.rip:Thanks for getting back to me. Much appreciated. I love playing with the words like that in poetry, making people think "oh that's nice!". Thanks again :)

    Peace Out & God Bless
    test
  5. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    yw anytime
    test
  6. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    you should peep my other one and tell me what you think
    test
  7. misspimp

    misspimp a.k.a KATURAH

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    ..I remember..
    When writing was fun..

    DAMN this is a good piece, i truly and honestly loved it. because I remember this too. I've been posting on this board on and off for honestly about 5 or 6 years off and on. And i stopped posting a lot because I didnt like the things people had to say sometimes about my writing and other peoples writing. but this is a good piece cause i do remember when writing was freedom and it still is, its just that when yuo open yourself up for others esspecially strangers to read, criticize and evaluate what you write from your heart or even when you read what others have written it makes you feel like you need to try harder..."what can i come up with that will make these people like what i have to say" thats when you loose your freedom and im not going to lie posting on this board made me loose my writing freedom for a while but now its like i truly dont give a damn. because i dont write for other people to like it, i write for me to like it. it's therapy for me, and for a lot of others im sure...when we start to put pressure on ourselves is when we fall short and cant come up with the words that are already in our heart...anyway there i go rambling again....loved this!!!

    mad love
    test
  8. shrek

    shrek New Member

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    Ill piece man, i love the picture you paint with your words, it made me wish I could experience your state of mind "when writting was freedom.
    test
  9. B-Nasty

    B-Nasty New Member

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    misspimp: Thanks a lot for the love. I do experience what you're saying when I show my writings to certain people. Certain people will judge your writings according to what they think is good. I'm just happy that some people can relate to this in that sence. Writing is therapy for me as well, but I feel the pressure of having to make people feel me at times. Again, thanks a lot for the love.

    shrek: Thanks for the respond man. I like giving people a picture of what's happening. It keeps you more into it if i'm jogging your mind. Again, thanks.

    Peace Out & God Bless
    test
  10. B-Nasty

    B-Nasty New Member

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    Come on people don't sleep. I got another one coming soon so just uppin' this one for now.
    test
  11. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    lol i feel you on that don't sleep haha but you know B-nasty everything is not for everybody even if they don't like it its all good lots of peeps are just guess on here not really logged in here just peeping your work. but i like all of your work i seen so far. So just do you you feel me?
    test
  12. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    "If writing was freedom..
    Why do we write on lined paper..
    Trappin' our thoughts.."

    ^Great way to open up this poem man. This reminded me of when I started writing poetry. Tryin my best to expres myself and get my true self out on paper while still trying to get a nod from other people reading. A battle within a battle.

    You could feel the passion, engery, anger, and confusion in this piece man. You mixed all so well. Looking foward to checkin out more work from you.

    One luv
    test
  13. Poetic Concept

    Poetic Concept New Member

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    I thought this poem was good the title in my opinion is the best and your opening fit perfectly middle was mediocre so was the end but in my opinion it was so true and I never thought of that. Writing is a freedom in some aspects a passage a tunnel to things your could and would never expereience or it gives you a chance to relive an experience, great write keep it up
    test
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