Writin' w.e, Take a look plz:)

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by KeneishaD23, Nov 5, 2010.

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  1. KeneishaD23

    KeneishaD23 New Member

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    Messages:
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    My flow comes natural
    Switchin' it up,
    Open new doors
    Venom when I spit
    Jaws hit the floor
    Only 15 and you want more?
    Call me a pussy, punk, weak, ok.
    When i'm done with your ass i'll be locked up; OJ
    Never get sick of this
    Stackin' paper, hah bitch you my witness
    Talk some more shit
    See where you end up
    Time to listen up, butter cup
    Ahah yup your new stage name
    Niqqa you ain't ready for this game called fame
    Buckle up for the ride
    Your girl's leanin' toward my side
    Guess you ain't pleasin' her, she dissatisfied
    Come a lil' closer, closer, please
    Trynna find a cure, ah ima disease
    Ya bitch stuck to me; Siamese
    Time to brush you off
    Yabbadabbadoo
    Lemme make it hot, stir it up; fondue
    test
  2. Chase Murda

    Chase Murda hostile enviroment

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2004
    Messages:
    4,811
    youve got a long way to go but for your first post u did a good job keep writing young one
    test
  3. miscreant

    miscreant 1996 was the shit

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2010
    Messages:
    2,856
    yeh shits pretty basic, i couldn't really catch the flow all the way through when i tried it over a beat. some shit here and there flowed ok though.

    try pick a theme/concept an experience or something and try stick to the topic, i know it gets sorta hard stayin on track but at the same time it gives you something to spit about.

    still, you only 15, so keep at it, i'd have to say this flowed best...

    Ahah yup your new stage name
    Niqqa you ain't ready for this game called fame
    Buckle up for the ride
    Your girl's leanin' toward my side
    Guess you ain't pleasin' her, she dissatisfied
    test
  4. miscreant

    miscreant 1996 was the shit

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    2,856
    also, use a little math when formin your bars just to get your flow down.

    start basic, 10-14 syllable bars, chase the snare around the track
    test
  5. Radical Sun

    Radical Sun New Member

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    Oct 5, 2010
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    Keep it comin'.
    I think we all start off with a similiar style.
    Short lines and what not.

    Listen to Miscreant, get a concept or theme and try to keep ya verse based on that.
    It'll come.

    Good lookin' on the comms Misc.
    test
  6. stick stickly

    stick stickly New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2010
    Messages:
    9
    you're already working punchlines in which is cool, even if they are one word, definitely stick with that. try to build up to a punchline for 3 bars and drop it on the fourth.

    keep going man, i wish i started writing when i was 15
    test
  7. KeneishaD23

    KeneishaD23 New Member

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    Messages:
    10
    Thanks guys, Appreciate it. I'm new to this, and want my style to be not so underground. I like underground but i want to be like pop/rap, nothing to hard. Should i just keep focusing on the bars and flow/ rhythm?
    test
  8. twenty_ROCK

    twenty_ROCK Crack Illz

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    Messages:
    189
    good shit keep writing and working at it
    test
  9. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2001
    Messages:
    14,243
    this was pretty good. it had a freestyle feel to it. pretty basic structure, but that will develop with time and as you get more and more comfortable with writing. overall I think your pointing in the right direction, you just need to add more to it. keep it up though.
    test
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