World Outside My Window ft. Lpoet

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by da_after_shock, Dec 16, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. da_after_shock

    da_after_shock New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2001
    Messages:
    18,184
    Bold=lpoet
    Regular=6th_Plague


    Truths are often found while bending back
    temptations….
    lost in a mist of self inflected hallucinations
    but drugs don’t linger in my body’s stratosphere
    admitingly its cloudy here
    but the sun slowly peaking through the curtins and
    drying up the flood of tears

    it wasn’t just blood on the pavement
    there was blood everywhere
    screaming at the top of my lungs
    I close my eyes in hopes of finding
    Seclusion there


    My mind drifts upon currents through
    a window of opportunity. While children
    glee with sincerity as life has no struggles.
    Innoncently playing on the concrete
    yet there future isn't the same, for
    i've encountered ones who lost nothing,
    yet on the border of insane.
    these streets was watching and talking
    one night a stray bullet chose a path
    ran a marathon through a young mans head
    his thinking slowed to produce basic math.
    His window of opportunity was therefore stained
    skipping like an old record player
    forever, encompassed with whispers
    of past tense memories replaying
    delayed comprehension of his surroundings
    everyday tasks become a challenge
    empounded with the strength to live
    a bystander in everything that’s around him.
    Most darkness is seen before light, so
    some days i just gleam into the night.
    Through the window payne to escape,
    into a mentally challenged ones insite.

    The rickety sounds of the erratic beating drums
    Echo freely threw the window screen
    as I
    nod my head to the high pitched voices
    Somewhat similar to childlike screams…but

    But theres no room for pain here

    So I quickly erase that thought and suck
    Back the oncoming tears…..
    for I still remember
    The day when I first said goodbye to this world and
    began
    painting pictures of sounds on the lids Of my eyes

    flashbacks to the warm blood staining the pavement and
    the sun backing my forehead as my eyes squitted to
    evade the bright rays
    I know that
    My body sleep deprived
    Would consider suicide but I can no longer
    Distinguish dreams from reality these days

    It’s all the same here…

    Each and every picture is now slower and slower put
    together
    And starting to wonder if I ever find my way out of
    this
    Bleak mind state

    Will I ever see again…..
    test
  2. Oni Mag

    Oni Mag ~~~~~~

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2003
    Messages:
    1,386
    Damn, nice collabo. Your styles complemented eachother great to make for a nice poem.

    I was really feelin that right there 6 plague along with some of your other lines too but i only posted these. Your part had nice rythm and the message was clear.

    As for yours L-dogg, the intro got things off to a nice start and your end part i really enjoyed. It kinda jus had a deep feel to it which made it fill me with emotion so i liked it.
    Very nice peice from both of you. Keep ya head up!
    test
  3. mama21

    mama21 panama-red@blackplanet

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2001
    Messages:
    3,968
    i liked this piece.i thought it deep,it was very visual..i liked the way everything was described in full detail
    test
  4. illpoetical

    illpoetical raising the bar everyday

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2000
    Messages:
    1,533
    The day when I first said goodbye to this world and
    began
    painting pictures of sounds on the lids Of my eyes

    this was ill your styles complemented each other and the poem had a consistent flow
    tight

    ine
    test
  5. da_after_shock

    da_after_shock New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2001
    Messages:
    18,184
    thanx for the replies..
    test
  6. SexyChica4Real

    SexyChica4Real I am your greatest desire

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2002
    Messages:
    1,066
    Aww sweetie. You need pretty good. You and Ipoet. I really enjoyed this. I hope you do anoother collabo, maybe with me. LOL. Byes. ~Love, Lil Sister
    test
  7. MISSKEYdaQUEEN

    MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther..

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2002
    Messages:
    17,838
    Good asss shiot mayun!!

    Nah but really...the visuals, the vocab, I didn't quite know how it would work out but you guys did it!

    Keep droppin hotness!!
    test
  8. eatemup

    eatemup New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2002
    Messages:
    2,805
    dam this was just hotness you guys did a very good job all i can say is dam good job
    test
  9. unspoken1

    unspoken1 Revolutionary Wordsmen

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2002
    Messages:
    758
    wow...this was a very tight collab...by both of you...feeling it definitly
    test
  10. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    The imagery was on point. I wish yall would have added a little more into the piece. I was really gettin into it.

    One luv
    test
  11. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    thanks everyone
    test
  12. sagacious infant

    sagacious infant reflecting the sun

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 1999
    Messages:
    14,487
    test
  13. mocha_licious

    mocha_licious New Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2003
    Messages:
    2,740
    well done, ty for dropping and sharing..mos def....~one L OVE~
    test
  14. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2002
    Messages:
    37,722
    wonderful......didnt expect any less.......i will probably be back to quote stuff....
    test
  15. sagacious infant

    sagacious infant reflecting the sun

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 1999
    Messages:
    14,487
    my apologies to you both for the shitty reply (Maurice, you can lift the curse now)

    i liked what i read, i sort of got lost in the rhythm...how each line was seperated - sometimes two words at the end of two lines would rhyme and then other times there'd be words within lines that rhymed...threw me off

    as far as concept and content, it was great - brilliant even
    test
  16. da_after_shock

    da_after_shock New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2001
    Messages:
    18,184
    u know i cant rhyme for shit lol..i think too much..
    test
  17. *Hott Chocolate*

    *Hott Chocolate* current mood: happy

    Joined:
    May 13, 2000
    Messages:
    4,390
    dang...this peice was deep and i could really relate to the line "screaming at the top of my lungs I close my eyes in hopes of finding Seclusion there" i've felt that way so many times. nice job u 2.
    test
  18. The FLU

    The FLU thats right pal

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 1999
    Messages:
    2,434
    Diggible Material feeling it for real ya'll it appeals to my ideals - of uneven realistic visions of- The deal..which is the victim of suppresion confesion the lesson ...mentioned in this delichous meal....hmmmmm Digestion....
    test
  19. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2003
    Messages:
    2,940
    Yea this was pretty cleaver. The imagery was deep and it was nice to see you two come together. I love how you guys structured it. 6th_Plague Came inon the begining and just blew shit up, and then Poet came in and kept the story going nicely with alonger more informitave middle stanza, that got me really into it, and the 6th_Plague ended the piece as well has he started. All around this was tight.


    Stay Up,Much Love, Peace
    test
  20. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    ^u got the lines mixed up lol..i started and finished..plague did the middle....
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)