[WK13] 5. Cereal_Killer 5-2 v. 6. Lucifa 20-6 (Vote Now!)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Quriosity, May 4, 2008.

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  1. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    [​IMG]

    ----- The RSTL Official Rules & Regulations -----

    "GENERAL RULES"

    VERSUS DUE: Every Thursday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    • Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    • Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    • If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    • CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    • Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics
    • A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    • If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 2 voting links in order to claim victory
    • A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    • If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    • Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.





    "VOTING RULES"

    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM EST

    • You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    • EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    • Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    • Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    • Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
    • Failure to vote and/or post LABELED LINKS will result in vote deductions in your battle
    • If your opponent fails to show, you are still accountable for voting on ALL 5 matches as well as posting those links in your match and labeling the CHAMP and CONTENDER respectively!!!
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    • Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
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  2. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    NOTE: NEW VOTING RULES WILL BE ENFORCED!!!
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  3. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    test
  4. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2001
    Messages:
    19,109
    test
  5. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
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    TOPIC:
    [​IMG]
    *PINK is my favorite crayon*


    A pink noise bites like lightning from a shaded voice
    Inside I am frightened yet still bathed in poise


    ..
    I am the faded make-up on Warhol's Lips



    Perception immersed in the admiration of decree
    Through light colored spurts from soft penetration n' caprice
    Embracing grace guaranteed.. with ease.. a condom for hate
    Facing the numbness from sudden breeze.. believing in fate
    With a taste in release..
    A moment so explosive.. yet seized in direction
    This page of affection now writhes in the bliss of his erection
    A wish. Beneath these flooding expressions
    A kiss. Which seeks his loving obsession
    This abundance for truth now beckons n’ forms like a crack whore in session
    Fluint at times surpassing it’s expectations.. mind racing.. now still
    If my crayon were a biro ..
    My book of surrealism - wouldn’t be fulfilled


    ..
    I am the passing thought from Miro’s singing fish


    An unstable entity, materialized inside innumerable new worlds
    Whilst consuming fables I hurl this perfume that’s labeled as GIRL
    An essence of musk that is somewhat like the touch of a peasant
    In present time the measurements of life must hang on perfection
    And though my kind is deemed unworthy I pity just to feel something
    Which in sense certainly ignites a probability of real numbness
    A manifestation of a novel existence upon a sterilized canvas
    A vise..
    Gracing my pulse, convulsing my wounds from their bandage
    I lie..
    Breathing the fumes of a brute within mammoth proportions
    Awkwardly supporting my pale hue so it doesn’t end without warning


    ..
    “HE” is the black infinity in Magritte’s retour
    I am just the flamme



    I sit in a baptism of guilt.. built from my past transgressions unveiled
    Shielded between purity and filth my flesh is a delicatessen for sale
    Shredded and served on a pallet of paint to be used at will
    As I am seen as nothing now my innocence is killed..
    My true emotions dulled, sorted and shifted into form
    Shades distorting belief.. so within peace I now mourn
    I was used.. time and time again with no purpose except release
    Drawing pastel lines of hope that are now set concrete
    ..
    I am EVE dissolving my pink heart whilst still torn
    At the dawn of reality..
    Kissing life into GOD’s still born



    ..
    Welcome to the birth of forgiveness


    [​IMG]


    test
  6. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2001
    Messages:
    19,109
    The Summer

    ..Summer time..
    Sun shine..fun times
    ..I think back to that Summer..
    ..sometimes..

    [​IMG]

    a day like any other..just chilling with my brother
    ..the suns heat had us ducking for cover..
    catching beams on my jeans..through the leaves on the trees
    ..my brother rolls a joint from the last bit of weed..
    "Eyo Nick, we're out".."Wanna give Keith a shout?"
    ..I was stoned already but said "ok, no doubt"..
    he didn't answer..suddenly I glanced at
    ..a sign over shadowing where an old man was sat at..
    seemed like he didn't care..just sitting there
    ..I smirked at his shiny silver glittery hair..
    turned my attention..to the sign that I mentioned
    ..a warning of a crack down on crime prevention..
    that's when I saw him..investigating whilst walking
    .."Fuck! We gotta go, here comes the warden"..
    musta looked obvious as hell..but he woulda known by the smell
    ..that my bro and me were under the THC spell..
    we made haste..he gave chase
    .."let's split up, meet me back at Dad's place"..
    him left, me right..he left my sight
    ..I guess smoking weed in the park wasn't too bright..
    jumped in to a garden.."oh shit, beg my pardon"
    ..I saw her, I felt it, I had a hard-on..

    [​IMG]

    embarrassed as fuck..as she glanced a look
    ..and it felt like an eternity in the time it took..
    for me to reply..for me to deny
    ..that I was a pervert or that kind of guy..
    with a look so sultry..she didn't fault me
    ..she didn't go bananas, insult or assault me..
    asked me to dive in..I nervously declined it
    ..I had the urge but courage couldn't find it..
    she swam to the edge..tipped back her head
    ..making sure every hair strand was wet..
    ..then out she stepped..
    .."WOW!"..
    my mouth dried..summer sounds died
    ..as she asked me to come in from outside..
    followed her body, soaked..I almost choked
    ..as she told me I was a good looking bloke..
    stopped in my view..in tongue spoken so loose
    ..she asked if I'd like to put it to use..
    looks to my erection..stood to attention
    ..I nodded but declared I hadn't got 'protection'..
    she smiled and I gave up..we made love
    ..we went at it like jack hammers without a male glove..
    I came on her back..knackered, we laid back
    ..she stroked her pussy and with a strange laugh..
    and a glint in her eye.."quick before they dry"
    .."take a taste and a sniff to remember me by"..

    [​IMG]

    little did I know that was the day that I diead
    six months later, in a doctors office, I cried
    ..that bitch had stolen my life..
    HIV was the verdict..double questioning as I heard it
    ..up to this point my life had been perfect..
    ..and that bitch wasn't worth this..
    I'm a shell of a man..in the hell of the damned
    ..this is what I see infront of the mirror I stand..

    [​IMG]

    it's me..only not the me you would see..on the street
    ..speaking of which..
    I now see the solution is beneath my feet
    ..so to speak..
    I'm on it..yes..I'm on that brink
    ironic that car faces left, don't you think?

    [​IMG]
    test
  7. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    CK - fucking wow bro...I feel bad that a lot of people are not going to understand this verse because of it's complexity and because of your powerful vocab...to many idiots in the league these days...from what I got it was the struggle and torment of Eve dealing with conflicting emotions of being had (either raped or fucked) by God, which produces a child that dies, which she tries to bring to life...I think the flow could have been tighter, but I appreciate that you didn't sacrifice content to improve your flow...the imagery and emotion were fire...I loved it, also very abstract and creative...definitely not a run of the mill piece.

    Lucy - I'm not a fan of people using a ton of pictures to move their story along, but I felt like I didn't mind it to much here...matter fact this story flowed a whole lot better in the two big chunks than CK's, but the content was very boring...two brothers smoking weed at a park, split up when running, come across a chick, you fuck, get HIV and then feel like killing yourself...meh...Several people this season alone have covered HIV...Suicide couldn't be more drab as a topic and so this story offers a nice smooth easy flow, but nothing more. It was an easy read, but nothing memorable about it come the end of the week.

    I think CK's verse was far more creative and more deserving of the win this week.

    vote = CK.
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  8. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

    Joined:
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    okay,

    CK - first off i enjoyed the approach and the direction that it seemed you were taking this, from jump i liked the way you played with wording and the flow was decent, but i quickly grew to learn that the flow was shaky and off more than on with lines being off in syllable count and some being to stretched to flow naturally, aside from this the content seemed rather dry, upon my second reading however the flow seemed slightly better but still unnatural and the verse never drew me in to the content as a reader, i really felt little connection and the picture/quotes added little on top of little, i dont know.. maybe it all went over my head or maybe not, but the content in itself was bland for me, there were glimpses of hope and i admired the ending but as a whole i was bored by the second stanza and when i realized there wasn't much left of it, i was afraid that you wouldn't have enough time to captivate me which you didnt, a good take and a creative approach but not as entertaining

    lucy - i liked this but there were times that i didnt, your flow was good for the most part and definitely carried me as a reader, your content was also more engaging and relatable, i only read yours once and i read CK's like 4 times and i still feel that i enjoyed yours the most, CK focused to much on the sounds of words and what not and opted for big words but offered little connectivity through those words to his readers while yours was more simplistic in execution but felt more at home with a pretty good story up until the mirror image, this is where i felt that you copped out and it damn near cost you the match, i would have loved to see you try and explain the image through words and a rhyme pattern instead of saying "this is what a i look like" and then posting a picture, leaves little to the imagination, also the ending was very abrupt, i would have rather seen it expanded and it would have added to the emotion behind the piece, as is this was still a pretty good drop

    overall, this is a tough decision being that the verses were from two completely different sides of the spectrum, in one you have a far out approach, very metaphorical in substance with a seemingly good use of language but also overshadowing the actual content, the flow itself wasn't as smooth as possible either, in the other you have a very relatable and what seemed like a fun verse quickly make a turn for the worst, ending very suddenly and without much detail, all in all my decision is based on the entertainment value and CK put me to sleep with text book language and a longer drawn out flow that was very wordy and sometimes off in syllables while lucifa drew me in with a more engaging story simple in nature but holding much more weight in connecting with the audience, also the flow was smoother and allowed for a quicker and more enjoyable read

    vote - lucifa
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  9. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

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    Up over closed threads.
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  10. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

    Joined:
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    1,517
    ck - pretty dope verse, i liked your flow, structure/vocab were there, and the story was pretty intriguing, your a good writer but i think this verse is one of my more favorite from you in recent memory, good drop

    luc - you both did really well utilizing many pics for this weeks match, you had interesting story as well but i feel as though you could of tweaked your ending and had a more profound impact with your verse, side by side, ck had a better flow- yours was a bit more simplistic than his and your diction was a bit minor as well, but in personal preference- i liked his verse more, nothing against your verse, it was written very well

    vote - CK
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  11. DaAlmightyDolla

    DaAlmightyDolla Greatness

    Joined:
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    heres a tough 1

    ck- digging the vocab and complexity. its good 2 see these type of verses that make u think. i had to read it twice just 2 make sure i read wat i read. i wish i had this pic 4 my color scheme verse but u did better than i think i could have done just because of ur style. mine was gimmick while u used it more purely. good showing. ending was good. overall 8/10. it would have been higher if it was 1 of those verses i can honestly say i would reread again just 4 entertainment. thats basicly the only problem i have with it. i just have 2 be in the mood 4 this. still very much appreciated.

    luci. ur flow was definately better and ur story was easier 2 follow. i was feeling the story even though its been rehashed. the pictures were used perfectly. i didnt really get the left line at the end. neither did i like the cheesy jackhammer line lol. i felt like stopping after that but still ur story was definately entertaining enough and had a reread value that ck's verse didnt.7.5/10

    v- ck just cuz i respect the thinking mans writer
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  12. MetaSin

    MetaSin I Don't Believe In You...

    Joined:
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    CK. Man... This was almost too heavy for me right now. Jeez. lol. I lit a blunt, and some incents, and then read this battle. Your verse just happened to be first, and damn... I had to read it twice, slowly. Good job... The vocab and the imagery was almost too much for me, but on 2nd read it was just easier. To me it read like more of a conceptual/topical piece, but didn't take much away from it. The flow was solid for me... And the piece left a strong impression in my head.

    Lucifa. I liked the heavy use of pics, and thought it moved along very well. The flow was strong, and even tho the concept wasn't groundbreaking, it didn't bother me. I think what happened is that your verse was just overshadowed, by a more impressive verse. It happens that way sometimes.

    Vote CK. Left a better, stronger impressionon me, after reading both verses.
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  13. nom de plume.

    nom de plume. rumbrave.

    Joined:
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    ck - some of that wording was so forced it was ridiculous. ''Inside I am frightened yet still bathed in poise''. bathed in poise? ok. do you. basically, it was an alright verse mate. nothing special. a lot of vocab with nothing to really back it. no offense. over all it was a decent verse with decent imagery.

    luci - your story telling always impresses me. i found myself much more interested in your verse. i didn't get bored with your piece. i followed ita lon easily and conected with it. it may nothave had the vocab and complexity of ck's piece, but i found it a much more enjoyable piece,

    vote - lucifa
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  14. RICO

    RICO my daughter right there

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    6,773
    alright here we go....


    Lucy- you know what for me it was koo, using alot of pictures really moves the story along, the only thing is that the sotry wasnt all that entertaining, it was much more easier to read than CK's but kinda boring sorry. nothing reall wrong with your flow or struct.

    CK....ummm wow, your story was so on a higher level than anyone in this leauge this week but your flow really kinda threw me off, i had the hardest time following your story leaving me to read it like fifty time....just to understand it.....
    story was very grabbing if that makes any sense but the flow was very bad....iono just lotta strectched lines to geta point across then short lines that threw the flow off.....i dont get it....

    Rap-up-guys did a good job, thats all i can say . it was actually really hard to vote on this one, either the easier to read or the more compelling.

    i enjoyed Lucys more sorry CK....nothing wrong with yours at all serious.

    vote-lucy
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  15. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    CK wins 4-3 in votes
    Both post voting links
    Last vote DQ'd due to being casted after deadline
    CK still wins 4-2
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