[WK/45] 13. namix (0-0) v. 14. Ah Swoop Pen (0-0) (Vote!)

Discussion in 'Rapmusic.com Battle League' started by Quriosity, Aug 20, 2012.

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  1. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2001
    Messages:
    25,850
    [​IMG]
    RULES & REGULATIONS

    DEADLINES

    [01] - The deadline for verses is Thursday @ 11:59pm EST.
    [02] - The deadline for extensions is 24 hours ONLY, making it Friday @ 11:59pm EST.
    [03] - The deadline for voting is Sunday @ 11:59am EST.​

    VOTING

    [04] - You must post at least 5 valid voting links within your match.
    [05] - Within those 5 links, you must be sure to vote on both the Championship and Contender matches.
    [06] - Votes must be at least 2 full lines of feedback per competitor followed by the competitor's name in which you choose to vote for.
    [07] - Voting a tie result is deemed a failure to vote.
    [08] - Voting links must be posted in your battle thread with the Champ and Contender matches labeled clearly.
    [09] - Votes changed after 1 hour of posting will be deemed a failure to vote.
    [10] - Voting is open to current participants, past champions, and active RBL moderators ONLY.​

    VERSES

    [11] - All verses are to remain within the limits of 8 to 40 lines. Any breach of line limit must be agreed upon by both competitors prior to a verse being posted. Failure to comply will result in an automatic forfeit by all failing parties.
    [12] - An agreement of a line limit will serve as the maximum allowed; competitors are allowed to post under an agreed limit, but never over. An agreement is not required. Upon failure to agree to a line limit, the second competitor is thereby required to meet the limit set by the first competitor to post.
    [13] - You must not edit your verse once your opponent has posted, who in turn must not edit their verse after the first vote is cast.​
    test
  2. namix

    namix u flip shit, i refine it

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2003
    Messages:
    1,228
    test
  3. namix

    namix u flip shit, i refine it

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2003
    Messages:
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    check that, no extension request.

    I have a fever diarrhea and bronchitis and will still get this done tonight yo.

    lets go 20 lines and do this right.

    Good luck.
    test
  4. Ah Swoop Pen

    Ah Swoop Pen New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2012
    Messages:
    4
    Check, cool im down
    test
  5. Ah Swoop Pen

    Ah Swoop Pen New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2012
    Messages:
    4
    Hi There, U'll need a 'Strong Nurse', if ur lookin for Some one who 'Might Care'
    Ur Pride i might spare, Its a Carnival Beating, I Dont Fight Fair
    My Concepts confuse Nom Icks, Got u in the dark, Swear U Amish
    Look on Astonished, as I 'Watch' Frustation make Nom 'Tick',
    I'll 'Beat' This 'Jerk Off' The Site, Till My Hand Hurts
    0-0.. So Nom not 'clutch', So u'll never meet my 'Standards'
    No Courage, u Cowardly dog, Flea Scram, Pussy gettin dicked, So We Seaman
    Master his 'Uni-verse', his Skele-tore, For a Bitch thinkin 'He-man'
    All of ur Concepts aren't sharp they're Way Dull, I'll Slay All
    U'll Never Have a Bright Idea As long as U Reside In a 'Grey Skull'!
    A Rival? Lovely!, My Punches 'Bee' Stinging, A rematch? its alright to Bug me,
    Ur Bars Makin no 'Cents', So How U takin 'Shots'?, If Ur Rifles Rusty
    Ur Survival's A Must see, If Noms Gracin A Verse, He's at Bible Study
    We're Celebrating Today what my Machetes Tore,
    Its a Parade So Whats left of Nom is what Confetti's For
    All Of Ur Concepts have voters already 'Board'
    So I'll 'Surf' On it, And 'Wave' Good Bye to Ur 'Tidal' Shot
    This Bum Tried, Multis got U Tongue 'Tied', Show Mercy I Will 'Knot'
    defeating me is as Real as 'A Clearer Blur',
    Be 'Brave Step ouside', In our battle ur in it alright, more like Inferior

    G'luck

    to clarify
    uni can mean one so uni-verse conquer his one verse aka the one he's gonna post just clear up why i put the hyphen
    test
  6. namix

    namix u flip shit, i refine it

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2003
    Messages:
    1,228
    ok!
    its a matter of taste; at least he wont think the battles a waste
    …one can learn a lot about themselves after havin been raped
    he cant match the fire of nam’; so we’ll never admire the man
    ima get Pen-shunned like this match was in my retirement plan!
    how’d I get diarrhea AND bronchitis? literally doing this sick
    and the idea of coughin up a win to u has me losing my shit!
    the mag said I’d be rusty; it is what it is, ‘n it isnt that vicious;
    cuz Rusty’ll put his lights out like the Griswold’s on Christmas
    its best that u know, I once had your rank… a decade ago
    but to get there…. I had to drop dope & go seven-and-O
    Pen reminds me of Ink and Paper… and in a reminiscent way
    which reminds me of 28 others in a top 30 u never woulda made
    we each joined week 45, and while im not doubting ur lousy
    I heard guns talk- and damn, the 44 mag says a lot about me
    u’ll never appeal to a crowd, Pen; ya only seeing hell kid
    to live up to ur name u’d need a lot of help on the felt-tip!
    but hey, at least we’ll remember this date, as I fight boredom
    8 23 is what I woulda done on the day I should faced mic jordan
    cuz no kid could prepare for this fucking….. he was very unlucky
    when Pen states a nemesis, I’ll be mentioned wit jerry sandusky!


    man, i almost feel bad... good luck bro!
    test
  7. Thorne

    Thorne come at me bro

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2009
    Messages:
    941
    wow namix got this pretty easily.


    Al, good effort but I can tell yo havent been battling very long, you have some very old and used ideas in your verse, good effort though. Namix just outclassed you here, by pretty much the whole verse.

    v-Namix
    test
  8. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2001
    Messages:
    29,674
    Ah Swoop Pen - I'm sorry, but your only good line was the opener. When I read that I was like "whoa, this is going to be a sick verse." All the quotes and caps and shit to emphasize the punchlines that were very played in first place really hurt you here. A lot of your concepts are old and out dated. Your verse would've been good in like 2001 RBL days for real. You have the right idea as far as a battle goes, I just think you need to update your style a bit for today's.. market (market? i guess)

    Namix - Didn't disappoint man. Every line - fresh. That Ink and paper line I don't think people are going to understand, but that shit was DOPE. The pension line was fucking nasty. I can't find your best line. Overall, sick verse man. Flow was on point, punches are spot on, good name plays.

    Vote - Namix
    Easy Margin

    Line of the Match:
    "he cant match the fire of nam’; so we’ll never admire the man
    ima get Pen-shunned like this match was in my retirement plan!" - Namix
    test
  9. namix

    namix u flip shit, i refine it

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2003
    Messages:
    1,228
    word up Res - I knew i had a very, very small audience with that Paper & Ink reference.

    Really figured i'd sacrifice a bar for a throwback to the couple dudes that remembered, which might just be you and Q at this point lol.
    test
  10. SiegeSupreme

    SiegeSupreme Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2012
    Messages:
    3,634
    namix won this pretty handily.

    Pen can okay but used a LOT of simple, played wordplay in his set-ups. This usually doesn't take too much away from the verse but his punchlines didn't hit very hard either. Best line was the He-man punch simply due to the amount of references and wordplay used.

    Namix also had a few played concepts but not very man. His verse was an easy read and the lines were witty and well thought-out. Overall very consistent verse and fairly dope. Best lines were the nameplays of Penn-shunned and Pen state a nemesis (even though the wording on that is slightly awkward)

    vote/ namix
    test
  11. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2001
    Messages:
    25,850
    Ah swoop, I wasn't feeling this from the first line. Shit didn't make sense and I hate writers that force lines and waste decent/good ideas. As for the carnival line, if this is a carnival beating, it only makes sense to me that you WOULD fight fair, which in turn makes no sense as a punch line. Not sold. And the quotes were overkill. Or rather, the wordplay was. For instance, you drew our attention to BEAT and JERK OFF, but why? Just because they're related? But it added no value to the line. He-Man line was choppy. You're doing way too much to capture this wordplay that adds no weight to your punches. Confetti line had the best flow thus far, but still useless. Overall, not a strong showing. I see your potential and I wrote like this when I first started. You just have to realign what you focus on in your verses with what is of value to securing a win. I've said it before, but forced multies and useless wordplay are best left in your Word doc. Just say what you want to say. It's kind of like roasting your friends, but written down and with a rhythm. And btw, his name is NAMix, not NOMix. There's a difference.

    Namix, good showing. Some dope shit and some eh shit. Started strong and kept it pretty consistent. Only line I truly wasn't feeling was the mic Jordan. Otherwise, this was good. It's nice not to have to point out horrible execution and structure for once. Opener was good enough. Pen-shunned was predictable, easy nameplay—but it worked for what it's worth. Losing my shit was funny and a good simple flip on a real life current event turned punch. Griswold was dope. Creative. Kindle hard to flow that smoothly with Griswold's, but the concept was dope. Next to we're nice. Just simple truths that may not connect with your audience, but I get it. Mag was creative, though I think it could've been executed better. Felt tip, nice. And Sandusky, too easy. Overall though, good shit.

    Vote - namix
    test
  12. wreck'n'eyez

    wreck'n'eyez Custom Title User

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2005
    Messages:
    471
    Namix got this easy.. Pen shunned was lotb, u had a decent verse overall, felt tip was also cool.. The other dude just had played concepts all over the place, the jerk off, clutch, tidal wave lines.. I mean c'mon bro.. They've been done to death in 01... U just gotta be more creative man, you're shit was too simple n played out

    V/namix
    test
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