[Wk 14] CHAMP: 1. Eye-Rime 5-0 (Co-Champion) v. 2. Got Life? 19-7 (Vote Now!)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Quriosity, May 12, 2008.

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  1. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    [​IMG]

    ----- The RSTL Official Rules & Regulations -----

    "GENERAL RULES"

    VERSUS DUE: Every Thursday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    • Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    • Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    • If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    • CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    • Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics
    • A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    • If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 2 voting links in order to claim victory
    • A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    • If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    • Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
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    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.





    "VOTING RULES"

    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM EST

    • You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    • EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    • Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    • Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    • Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
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    ----------------------------------------------------------------

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    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    test
  2. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    NOTE: NEW VOTING RULES WILL BE ENFORCED!!!

    YOU MUST VOTE ON AT LEAST 5 MATCHES AND POST LINKS IN YOUR THREAD

    CHAMP AND CONTENDER LINKS MUST BE LABELED ACCORDINGLY

    FAILURE TO VOTE AND/OR POST LABELED LINKS WILL RESULT IN VOTE DEDUCTIONS IN YOUR BATTLE

    IF YOUR OPPONENT FAILS TO SHOW, YOU ARE STILL ACCOUNTABLE FOR VOTING ON ALL 5 MATCHES AS WELL AS POSTING THOSE LINKS IN YOUR MATCH AND LABELING THE CHAMP AND CONTENDER RESPECTIVELY!!!
    test
  3. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    test
  4. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    test
  5. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    finally got ya...princess...


    good match though.
    test
  6. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    test
  7. Eye-Rime

    Eye-Rime the intellectual.

    Joined:
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    [​IMG]

    “The Guitarist”

    The yak soothes
    As jazz tunes relax wounds
    Mind consumed by the bassoons
    Her soul stagnant; in fragments
    Hugging tight to the track's grooves
    The black looms
    Her back moves; receiving the snare's blow
    In back rooms; as liquored floors greeted her bare toes
    Her hair flows
    Down her back; fumes attract doom, attached to her beauty
    Poor Rudy,
    Watching loose strands fall off the crack of her booty
    A dutiful malice,
    As dirt covered thumbs built a musical palace
    Fingers numb to the pain to come
    Like the usual callous
    I
    Keep playing my song
    As she moves in tune with the ballads
    Appreciating her mental strength or what I assumed her morale is
    Then I
    Stared blankly at the back of the hall
    Inhaling the stale scent, while watching paper sag off the walls
    The dim lights harassing her bra
    Aghast and in awe
    They stood
    But I
    I
    Really wasn’t attracted at all
    Oh Rudy,
    I watched
    As manicured nails touched the tip of her breast
    Eyes slowly massaging her soul
    Hands gripping her chest
    And I
    Laid my hat on the floor for the tips I collect
    Watching men's eyes glitter like gold
    As they pierced through her flesh
    Tongue kissing her neck
    In line
    Patiently waiting for pleasure
    Slowly dancing
    Stuck
    In a scene of inescapable measure
    Body deep in a trance
    Soul embracing my music
    As men of all different colors left their traces of fluid
    Her face would accrue it
    And soon after
    I
    Gather my case and undo it
    The music stops
    And then I notice that they’re raping the student
    But never mind that
    I sip my yak
    And grin at the feud
    Tipping my hat to poor Rudy
    Screaming
    Bruised and beaten by a bunch of men in the nude
    Guitar strap over my chest
    Slowly ascending up the darkest of stairs
    That leads to the world
    Mind content in my
    Leaving the girl
    A complex woe
    But I’m set, so
    Farewell
    I'm,
    Off to my next show.
    test
  8. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
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    [​IMG]



    "Lovers Playground"

    Piece by piece she came together,
    By candle light through stormy weather,
    I built and molded my Aphrodite,
    Dear God all mighty..
    She was an alabaster beauty,
    And I…was the master of this cutie,
    My precious, my life’s obsession,
    That fueled my fire through depression,
    It was into Aphrodite that I poured,
    Every bit of beauty I could horde,
    Each silk strap I could afford,
    Hoping to one day find reward..
    In my madness..
    Past the momentary sadness-
    Of losing my lover,
    Who I’d love to just smother-
    With kisses and hugs,
    Now it seems without drugs-
    There’s no hope left for me,
    Except…in the smile of Aphrodite.

    I just had to create her,
    I mean she’d love her creator,
    Possibly show me devotion,
    And we’d sail upon the ocean,
    As lovers lost within each other,
    Finally united, never needing another,
    No more pleading brother,
    No more thieving mother,
    I would finally be,
    With the one that truly loved me,
    Oh Aphrodite..
    And I know…that she needed me-
    To finally come to exist,
    Molding her delicate wrist,
    I drift back into dreams…
    A dream of our tryst,
    I never thought…
    I could be happy like this,
    Forming her lips, I give her a kiss,
    Time blurs, I’m lost in the bliss.

    Placing the last strand of her hair,
    I stood entranced, without a care,
    My lover was finally here,
    Grasping the switch I prepare-
    To bring life into her now,
    Wiping the sweat from off of my brow,
    And as the electricity pulses,
    I see her body as it convulses-
    Then calms as she rises,
    Her charm capsizes-
    Any previous expectation,
    She’s magnificent…my creation,
    Mesmerized…I now approach,
    Making sure not to encroach,

    She turns about..
    Looks me up and down..
    And all she does is laugh,
    My life’s work…the aftermath,
    I’m left with wrath..
    I used up each and every scrap,
    To create her,
    Only to have to sedate her,
    Then following suit as I’d kill and rape her,
    My lust for love inducing cheap behavior.


    [​IMG]

    "Every work of art is an uncommitted crime."
    -Theodor Adorno

    test
  9. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    19,109
    setting an example from the top huh? .. early doors ..

    Q - this flowed so well you really could ignore the almost random structure of it .. I've read the argument on all that multi/slanted/inners etc. .. regardless of what you call them .. they are rhymes of a multi syllable nature .. and they are hard to do whilst keeping context and sense within the language .. this was a mechanically strong piece where those 'multis' were weighted just about right .. the story itself was kind of cool with the busker doing his thing whilst some woman gets raped .. you told it well from his eyes as it seemed more sultry and then suddenly it was rape .. hard to say it was original on the "sensual sex becomes rape" front .. but the approach gets props ..

    GL? - so the frankenstein come weird science plot was quite novel .. the idea of creating something to your own desires only to have that creation not like you works and fitted well with the images and quote that you selected .. however this was mechanically short of the mark .. the flow itself wasn't too bad but some of the vocab in the rhyming was extremely mundane .. "other, brother, mother" < wtf? .. you're above that shit and I wouldn't have expected you to fall back on the simple rhymes given your experience and the fact this is a champ match .. a champ match you don't fully deserve to be in this week so should have really grabbed the chance with both hands .. I liked it conceptually but not so keen on the execution ..

    Vote = Eye-Rime .. won't really call this one a hands down winner on every front .. but overall appeal does go to Q here for such a buttery smooth flow to some averagely enjoyable content .. I think GL? had the better idea but didn't give it the time and effort it should have had to make it a more solid read .. I don't feel it was emotionally engaging as a story of that nature really should be .. whereas Q's all rounder just tied together well enough to make it the winner here ..
    test
  10. 3-Planes

    3-Planes Cruel... and unusual

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    549
    Eye-Rime

    great flow, weird structure - it made for a couple of choppy transitions needlessly (i'm guessing you did this to make the piece appear longer? anywho...). nice execution of a pretty stale topic, but then again in my book if the imagery, level of wording and flow all are strong enough they can often make up for what the piece is lacking conceptually... not great, but good and well above average piece (the way it was built up i really think this deserved a more creative ending)

    Got Life?

    vice versa, i liked the concept but not the execution - which in turn can make up for having a mechanically unpolished piece with a mediocre level of wording... because that was the case here; the impact of your lines was undermined by a lackluster flow and basic wording... i like your interpretation and use of the topics

    overall... wait a sec i'll be back after i flip a coin... but in all seriousness these were pretty even... but here goes:

    vote: Eye-Rime

    there was a big enough difference between his and got life?'s level of wording to outweigh the difference in the strength of the concepts
    test
  11. MetaSin

    MetaSin I Don't Believe In You...

    Joined:
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    2,082
    I'm kinda torn between these two verses.

    Q. I liked this... your flow, as always was solid, tho not as great as it has been at times, but solid. So this is a rape during a show, from the eyes of the performer? I liked how the transition of the entire piece as it moved along well. I also like how his opinion or outlook of the situation is so heavilly shaped by his music, that in the end he realizes she's being raped. I also think that the main character was developed well... He didn't find her attractive.... He didn't bother to do anything about her rape, as he was more concerned about his next show.... I think those tiny bits of info add another element to the story... It's not just about a girl gettin raped, it's about a guy who doesn't give a shit about a girl thats gettin raped; even tho he's not participating in the rape, his lack of concern is dark enough to become interesting to me. With that said, the story wasn't amazing, but I liked it for what i was (a well executed story with good mechanics, and good amount of subtle detail)


    GL?... I liked this too. I think the short bar style works well here... Although it wasn't as fluid of a flow as Q's, I thought it worked pretty well. I think you delved into you emotions decently well, even with the lack of background info(lost lover, pleading brother, thieving mother, etc), and moved the creation of her along nicely... I didn't expect the bitch to hate u, or even exist at the end of the story, but that was an okay ending... Tho I think the execution of the ending should have been slightly more elaborate. All in all I think that the desperate nature of the character is essential in making that ending feasible, and I think u established that decently, but I also think it should've been deeper than that. Your story was tied in to your pictures well tho, as the first pic and the last quote (which I initially missed) make your story more effective than the story by itself.

    So at the end of my rambling, u have one person who was slightly better mechanically, that provided the right amount of details, yet had a story that wasn't too creative vs. another person with decent mechanics, a slight lack of details, yet a more creative story, that tied into his pictures and quote well.

    I think this was very close, and I think that in this league that seems to have a lot of mechanically capable writers, the edge has to go to the writer with a bit more creativity, that uses his topics best... I think Q's was slightly better written, and GL's was slightly more creative... therefore

    Vote- GL?

    Good Job guys
    test
  12. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

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    q - flow was on point and the story was interesting. i think your strongest aspect of this verse was probably your flow and it helped that you had such short lines, i think it really helped in that aspect of the verse. your diction and word choice was kinda bland to me and although your flow as nice it seemed like your rhymes were a tad simple at times, not most, but here and there was a hiccup for me, as for the story, it was interesting but nothing really grabbed my attention, just seemed like a guitarist who had a "i dont give a shit" attitude, not sure how you could of flipped it better but something just lacked me in the story.

    gl - interesting verse as well, i think q has you flow-wise, yours wasnt as smooth, it was good-dont get me wrong but his was more fluid, however your diction was slightly better and feel that you conveyed your story a bit more to my liking. i didnt think anyone was going to use that pic of the drawing, i just didnt see how someone could drop a verse off of it, but you did it fairly well, both of your endings for involved rape and both of your endings could of been more powerful in my eyes, i dont think either one of you outshined the other in that department, so in the end i think it just comes down to who had the better story, and although Q had the better story from a flow standpoint and what most people on the board-being this a hip hop influenced board, i feel that GL had the more elaborate story that seemed more interesting in my eyes...


    vote - GL


    good match
    test
  13. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
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    q:
    I like this.. structure and vocab were stronger then usual - minus the lines of light harassing bra's and the good ol' eye massage... Poor word choice.. But story wise it reminded me off forest gump on stage with jenny getten pulled into the crowd.. I think the fact he couldn't careless was cool and all up not a bad drop - n im sure Lucifa will give you flow of the week..

    gl:
    Hahaha hella nice dude the whole crush n kill what you truly love so that no one else can get a piece of it.. sweet... Short, tight structure which held it's own.. wording was pretty decent and the pace ran rather smoothly..

    vote = got life

    For the smoother diction.. pz
    test
  14. Infinite Truth

    Infinite Truth ...scatterboxx rocks.

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    q... great verse, man. but... thing is... conceptually, you've been writing various versions of the exact same thing. you once said in a thread "sex sells" & that's why you always write it. well... try something new. you're a great writer... i think. but if you can only really write about one thing, i dunno... that fact really brutally affects my vote. i want something new. your mechanics were cool... rhyme scheme was complex, but forced as all hell, & certain syllable pronunciations made the flow a bit awkward. imagery was great. but you're just describing the same thing over & over again. your pieces, while stories, generally seem to me to be more of topicals. they carry quality narration, but with that sacrifice originality; &, while descriptive, it lacks depth. ending was meh. but it was fun to read nonetheless.

    gl- dopeeee verse. [finally.] story was fantastic- original, entertaining, deep, rich with movement, twisted, & you creatively took the topics & mesh them well. mechanics were on point. nothing special about the rhyme scheme... at all. but the flow was smooth as fuck, so it worked out in the end. the emotion was there. as always. linguistically, very good. [nice to have someone intelligent.] while others don't really have seemed to, i loved the piece. its depth alone nearly beat q's due to his severe lack of originality.

    good battle.
    two very different styles.

    came down to q's lack of originality really.
    regardless,
    q's verse was dope, but gl killed it anyway.

    so,
    v- gl.
    test
  15. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

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    Got Life? wins 3-2
    IT didn't vote on 4 so his vote does not count.
    test
  16. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    got life? wins in votes, 4-2
    both post voting links
    test
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