[Wk 14] 5. DeadKing 5-1 v. 6. 3-Planes 4-2 (Vote Now!)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Quriosity, May 12, 2008.

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  1. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

    Nov 24, 2001


    ----- The RSTL Official Rules & Regulations -----


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  2. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

    Nov 24, 2001




  3. 3-Planes

    3-Planes Cruel... and unusual

    Oct 16, 2007
  4. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

    Oct 20, 1999
    I'm not your guy, buddy

    edit: i was referencing south park, dont get your panties all up in a bunch, "friend"

    lol, but they dont say whore, lol, it's either buddy-guy-friend

    why i gotta be a whore?
  5. 3-Planes

    3-Planes Cruel... and unusual

    Oct 16, 2007
    i'm not your buddy, whore

    so was i...
  6. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

    Oct 20, 1999
    i may sign out after this week, just take some time off before the playoffs, i been half-assing alot of verses lately, unfortunatly for 3PA, i'm using this week to shake off all the rust.... tired of people saying i'm simple and shit, lol........

    "I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in."
    - George Washington Carver

    I'm the fallen Angel and outcast nonpareil
    but you know me as Azazel who resides inside of hell
    my cartel of mighty demons have a reason to dispel
    a force in every corpse that is buried parallel
    and propel all their rage in a way that is vile
    to reflect the flesh of death that use to be a child


    compiled in a mass, rubble brick and stone
    smeared in a severe non-organic ecotone
    all alone on a hill, near the epicenter
    Sichuan province was rocked by representers
    sent down by God, almighty in their guise
    to purify the planet with actions justified
    classified as redemption, these signs of aggression
    are a glimpse of whats to come, without indiscretion
    a blessing some would say, the end is getting close
    the signs are all around you, the scheme is grandiose
    bellicose in their actions, now fathom the stochastic
    of 19,000 dead and thats being enthusiastic
    its drastic, or worse like how Burma got the curse
    when 1 tenth of a million got baptized by the church
    as the search tests the rates of survivability
    we know the results before they were revealed to be
    that everyone is dead, hope is lost and gone
    so why resort to Bibles, Tripitakas, and Qur'ans?
    its beyond any faith, the evidence is lucid
    cause God thinks his own children are polluted
    the fluid in your body, is toxic and degenerates
    coagulated sin's over time excommunicate
    thats why your never happy, dejected and disphoric
    aleatoric weather thats already historic
    metaphoric symbols, esoteric visions
    will all point to god if you look with a precision*
    divisions of excisions based on the decision
    to liquidate a species by habitat abscission
    as interventions lost, global warming is the start
    and you did it to yourselves, so god has left you in the dark
    the darkness that is I, the blackest of the void
    so give into the pain that the media employs


    give your soul to me, i will make you vacant
    emotionless, shallow, strong enough to take it
    and when the time comes, I'll reveal myself to you
    as a mortal figure who speaks my point of view
    a manitou in text, my archfiend of offspring
    who goes by one name, MOTHERFUCKING DEADKING!!!!!!!!

    *precision - please reference signature ||
  7. 3-Planes

    3-Planes Cruel... and unusual

    Oct 16, 2007

    [size=+1]"My Heart In Her Grip"[/size]

    spirits swigged with extra kick for the bonus
    - it all started while drinking at "Chronus"
    the inner city club hip at the moment
    - had a good buzz going sipping coronas
    ice teas - the liquor was pouring
    - a drink with over six liquid components
    the drink and dro reliquished woes
    my spirit was glowing - i was in the zone
    - the atmosphere soothing my sinful soul
    as i was eyeing women, in skimpy clothes...
    in control - when i saw her walking by
    the other side of the bar at a stalking stride
    - caught my attention with a naughty smile
    snow-white skin - hair dark as night
    a half-breed succubus and part devine
    - drawn by her enchanting charm and style
    sat down across, gave me an awkward eye
    - laced with a harmful vibe and a spark of life
    pierced through my soul - fire consumed me
    as we talked a while - in silent communion
    - devoured by an overpowering beckon
    lost in time - living hours in seconds
    was about to approach when she rose to her feet
    - reality flowed with the repose of a dream
    with the pose of a queen... in a killer gown
    - crystal earrings chiming a reverbing sound
    made for the exit - where she turned around
    - and stared intensely with her burning eyes

    she mouthed "i'm going to fuck your brains out... come"

    lead by the arm - hushed when i tried to speak
    - when i did her gaze hit me like a flying knee
    my mind was weak - i walked with a buzz
    to her flat - which wasn't far from the club
    - her apartment was a palace of glass and crystal
    i felt awkward as fuck - plastered, distant
    anxious - even though thrashed and pissy
    grabbing my head... she laughed and kissed me

    the sex - madness-inducing hues of clarity
    - an organic mesh of pure insanity
    insight and truth formed a jeweled tapestry
    - as i buckled up and toured the galaxy
    - the euphoric trip to a sublime dimension
    beyond the stars... divine ascension...

    the aftermath - after some time have passed
    - we base our relation off of one-night stands
    she tolerates that i get with other gals...
    - she even spurs me to get on that ass...
    the effect she has... i shrug when i'm scoring
    - compared Mary seems ugly and boring
    seditious, delicious - fit with the thickness
    addicted to this miss - inflicted with a sickness
    malicious when the effect is capricious
    - every moment without her is vicious
    night hours lusting - that i squander awake
    i hear her calling - a siren's song in the wake
    - when not with her i suffer insomnia, ache
    pain throbs in my brain - a zombie-like state

    headed for her place with a voice in my head
    - wanted her sensual touch to conquer my pain
    rushed through her door for the onslaught to end
    grabbed her and kissed her... poisoned i fell...

    in the void of the dead... she stole my heart
    - awoke to see my ribcage torn apart
    brain blown to shards - bludgeoned and stained
    - shedding tears of blood for my lover

    topic: fallen
  8. Eye-Rime

    Eye-Rime the intellectual.

    Sep 28, 2007
    deadking - not much of a story here but a bunch of random sat words with little excitment and cheap thrills, it started off okay and then i started to get into it and it looked to be promising but it seems as if your idea was too confusing, a lot of filler and puffery mixed into some good lines and a decent flow, the pictures were loosely related and the overall plot was a bit misconstrued through useless words either to falsely heighten your vocabulary or to cater to a flow that was far from outstanding, there were bits and pieces that i liked but for the most part i think you over did and the content was very dry, also the whole precision thing was not only corny but pointless leading up to another disappointing ending, maybe other voters will see it differently but going in i expected much more than what i came out with

    3-planes - from jump the rhythm drew me in much more than the bland and drawn out wording of your opponent, i liked the flow for the most part and you kept on track with good details to a more complete story as opposed to just talking for 40 some odd lines, the story itself was engaging to me moreso because of the flow but also the approach and selective wording, towards the middle it kind of fell off in connectivity but i kept reading to a much stronger finish than DK's, the underlying topic itself is not creative but the approach and tie in to the chosen topic was noteworthy and i enjoyed this, good verse with good descriptions and a much better storyline, the flow was also not only better but more enjoyable to follow and the ending sealed the deal against a weak ending, my only beef would be the fluff in the middle which seemed to drag the story at one point but it quickly picked up for the better with a nice finish

    i dont mean to come off harsh, its just that deadking sacrificed a lot for wording that really added nothing to the content, also the content was a bit dry and the storyline as a whole wasn't much of a story but just fluff, very unnatural in execution, things like the parallel line where it was obvious that he was reaching, parallel to what? how can one object just be parallel?, i dont know, i could be reading too far into it but i definitely was drawn more to 3pa's as the story was more exciting and fast paced with actual events and occurences and the ending was done much better

    so vote - 3P
  9. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Jul 14, 2001
    DK - not sure about people saying you're simple .. can't say I've noticed that being a main criticism of your work .. however .. in tackling this "simple" label you feel you have, you've managed to turn the reading of this verse in to a feeling of reading a thesaurus .. and it got boring rather than interesting or impressive .. and just to kick yourself whilst you're down .. amongst all these fancy words you made elementary grammar errors in other areas .. ie. God is spelt with a capital letter, you're*, that's* etc etc. .. all made the extra effort of word finding with Wiki all that more pointless when you slipped on such simple stuff .. now don't get me wrong .. I won't down a verse for simple typos and missing an apostrophe or 2 .. Alias2 is always picking on me for shit like "speach" instead of speech* .. stuff I miss on a proof read sometimes .. but as you went all out to try and prove a point it is worth note of all the mistakes as they were more apparent because of it .. on the plus side .. there were things about the verse I liked .. like .. um .. how you tinted that creepy pic .. lol .. nah .. some of the lines and ideas behind some lines were nice .. the flow was not a highlight but I never felt it was "bad" .. the general overall appeal of the verse and the concept were not really to my tastes .. I give you credit for the effort of searching out all these words .. but at the same time I do feel you lost focus on creating an interesting read by doing that ..

    3-P - what's going on man? .. where's your heart gone? .. this wasn't of the quality I have expected you to come with when you do actually drop a full verse .. your half arsed effort last week was better than this .. the metaphorical approach to a piece is never going to be original as such .. but atleast last week was not so predictable or indeed, extremely played and cliched .. and I've read better versions of the "this sexy woman I love - oh - it's actually a drug - surprise" type concept .. mechanically I also felt this was not as strong as you are very capable of writing .. that said .. it was a stonger piece than your opponent on all fronts but the vocab (which kinda goes without saying lol) .. and even as mundane as the concept was it still happened to be more interesting to read than DKs verse ..

    Vote = 3-Planes .. this was not as good a battle .. or as close a battle as I was expecting .. unfortunately for DK, what he did in the hope of positive feedback actually crippled his verse and hindered the read .. can't take away from the effort of all that vocab hunting but it was fighting an up hill battle as soon as it was conceived .. meaning 3-P just had to bring a read worth our time to snag the win .. and although his verse was subpar by his own standards .. it was enough by quite a margin ..
  10. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Oct 25, 2002
    Nice vocab on this, steppen it up which was def cool.. you flow was regular, smooth yet i think u could have amped it a lil with a bit more internals or even a few multi's like this line:

    to reflect the flesh of death that use to be a child

    even if they're smaller words i think they hit hard n add for a more advance flow/rhythm. Story wise cool man, i like the whole mankind is doomed and the media just personifies it.. nice statement.. i think the twist for me in this was the preaching in the last stanza "just give in and except the darkness" which sort of opens up for a 15 minutes of fame idea playing off the devil inside the TV idea you worked with.. Well done dude.

    Hey man ok flow was there in a basic form but as fas your usual advance structure it wasn't.. sort of killed it with slang though as far as a caine piece goes i think the right slang (drug related) would have complimented this immensely... progression of this piece moved well for me though I think story wise it wasn't all that in depth.. So im like cool piece but just not that much in it..

    vote = deadking

    nice show guys all in all i got to give it to deadking for the more advanced flow in the somewhat more original story idea.. pz n g/l guys
  11. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

    Oct 20, 1999
  12. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Aug 3, 2005
    DK - I fuckin loved this verse...i think it was fluid as hell and I loved you stepping up the stronger vocab...I think you really hit on the topical aspect of this in a way that it was very smooth in it's approach...i dunno...maybe i'm biased on this topic because of similar feelings, but it was very enjoyable for me except for the fact that the font was hard to read because of the color.

    3PA - this was written i guess mechanically better, although I felt the flow was a bit choppier and not as steady...beyond that for me the subject was really drab with the whole lover and drug thing...it's been done god knows how many times over and over...it worked, but it didn't really captivate me at all or offer anything overly entertaining.

    vote = DK.
  13. MetaSin

    MetaSin I Don't Believe In You...

    Jan 20, 2002
    Man... I enjoyed this battle a lot, as I enjoy reading verses from both of you.

    DK. I liked this. You always have this constant rhythmic flow, where I rarely have to stop and catch it. I liked the vocab, tho I admit, I had to think/look up a few, as I don't possess the best vocab myself. I liked the idea of it, talking about how the world is fucked up, as well as the correlation with the media. The end made me lol, but I thought it fit this piece well. I also liked your picture usage, as the colors were dope.

    3-Planes. I liked this verse based on the mechanics, and the wording... Transition was very smooth, and although the topic wasn't the most original, I can say that this was pretty good in execution. The flying knee made me lol, cuz i haven't heard anyone outside an MMA reference a flying knee. Overall I think it was good, and fit the fallen theme decently well, and your color coded text was effective as well.

    Now my complaints for both of you... I wanted you both to perform as you had consistently... DK, i was expecting a gore type verse, and 3P, this didn't have the same fluidity, and vocab as previous verses... Both of your topics have been done, tho I haven't seen/heard DK's as much....

    Now for my vote... I think you both had good verses, but I think DK had the slightly more refreshing verse, where as mechanically 3p was slightly better... Again I tend to give more points for a the fresher story if mechanically it is close, but my dilemma is DK was the fresher of the topics, where as 3P had more of an actual story... I can't come to a clear cut victor, as I may be the only one that thought this was even, but then again I don't care who anyone else voted for.

    VOTE: Tie...

    sorry fellas, but I'm not gonna force myself to like one more than the other.
  14. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Jul 14, 2001
    Tie Result 3-3
  15. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

    Nov 24, 2001
    Vote ends in a tie 2-2
    Meta's vote is disqualified
    Both post voting links
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