[WK 12] 9. Cereal_Killer 4-1 vs 10. Soul Influence 1-0 (Vote Now!)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Lucifa, Apr 28, 2008.

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  1. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2001
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    19,109



    [​IMG]

    ----- The RSTL Official Rules & Regulations -----

    "GENERAL RULES"

    VERSUS DUE: Every Thursday @ 11:59 PM EST
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    "VOTING RULES"

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    Cereal_Killer loses 1 vote for freeposting in another match.
    test
  2. Soul Influence

    Soul Influence New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2008
    Messages:
    18
    good luck my good man
    test
  3. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,146
    test
  4. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,146
    Topic: You are a professor who has been searching for a missing gene in the human structure that explains the truth of LUST..


    ...-------....-------- ...

    The Year: 2,101


    You see procreation in its importance ..
    has transformed
    in’
    to.. a premature fortress
    of sexual torment
    Now drawn in distortion
    We grew
    to be.. dormant
    ..
    caught in..
    A stasis of sleep from an adjusted past
    With altered genes.. from mustard gas
    We clutch and clasp to dreams of class
    Now smashed from our blistered hands
    Our kisses whisper wishes..
    Plans
    Twisted – Bent
    It’s evident, that Man
    Is left with severed glands
    Metaphysically..
    Still surviving
    Factor IX is running rampant
    Driving damaged damn it
    And I can’t stand it
    “Philia” in Greek.. means to love
    But all that’s left.. can’t be touched
    In fear of pain
    But it’s worse
    Women just carry
    Whilst men are buried.. at birth

    ..

    The Magic Toyshop



    [​IMG]


    So with a passion for making LOVE I travel to LUST



    In almost every cell in the human body there are 25, 000 genes
    These are instructions for how we breathe,
    Act..
    In fact these proteins change the way we see..
    Known as D-N-A
    These chemical ropes and strains
    are displayed
    in long strands.. Strung..
    enveloping
    with 3.2 billion inside each human..
    One.. just one could be the missing link
    A turning point that lies within
    cells
    ..
    The Theca interna dwells
    Safely inside every female..
    Once it connects to a follicle it casually busts
    Through the ovarian tube
    And
    Then it pumps
    Estradiol loose..
    A hormone which is known to induce
    Sexual need
    Complex yet free..
    But wait you’ll see..
    I only just begun
    There is a second cell.. a much more familiar one..
    The enterochromaffin
    When stimulated
    Magic does happen..
    Serotonin's created
    and bells start flashing
    You don’t know why
    but you have a sense of release
    No self stimuli will do.. you need body heat
    From the opposite sex
    You can’t help but get erect
    or wet..
    See LUST is just,
    this pure undenying desire for sexual gratification
    A pining.. fire
    To cum through male on female penetration
    ..
    But the problem is
    These Genes exist in slumber
    After the Haemophilia had dragged us under..
    Salvation dissected..
    by a fucking infection
    But atlas through the wonders..
    Of natural selection
    These cells have prevailed
    Inside the tiny cottontail
    Which makes for the sweetest of habits..
    Hence the saying FUCKING like rabbits
    ..

    SO
    With a smooth technique and a desire for chemistry
    I massage their structure with the aid of gene therapy
    I sustain these multiple hybrid cell strains
    and then inject..
    into an undetectable membrane
    I wipe the sweat.. from my face
    As I place them finely with in
    the fluid of a self lubricating Siberian
    ..vibrator..
    I pack my suitcase
    And set for the masses..
    Pleased in my passion..
    As my sex toy has passed its..
    Expectation
    Now I'm facing.. a new market tomorrow
    Because it's about to go global..
    DAMN
    So I tread my new steps as a noble..
    Man
    ..
    Looking around at what's become..
    When I'm suddenly touched
    By one rather significant rush
    “What is truly left..
    after "LUST”


    "The strongest man in the world is the man who stands alone."

    test
  5. Soul Influence

    Soul Influence New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2008
    Messages:
    18
    yo CK..i hate to do this so late..but can i get like a 30min extension...verse is almost done just got going on it late..id appreciate it...
    test
  6. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,146
    yeh no wackers.. mate
    test
  7. Soul Influence

    Soul Influence New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2008
    Messages:
    18
    My eyes focus and…
    My mind blurries questions of misconception
    I find lies hurry said answers into corrections…
    Or replies of deception?...I realize in less than…
    Time given to respond without doubts and wonder…
    Pressure mounts as I recount past lectures…
    My days are numbered…
    Inquiries wander my thoughts as I ponder perspectives…
    Should I squander what’s not lost to this somber…
    But nosy detective...still calm and reflective…
    I ease back in my chair and offer him silence…
    The longer he stares the more I scare of…
    Proper confinement...
    And I properly reside in hands of despair and fate..
    He cares not to interrogate any longer…alas…
    Questions were asked..let the answers fall where they may
    He waves his hand at the rooms voyeuristic…
    Window…in walks what loomed, simplistic…
    And nimble…a nurse assumed gentle by nature…
    What am I into?...
    The detective leaves the room so privacys catered
    I waver…within a smile that I nervously show…
    She courteously shows the same smile…
    And her purpose is known…
    Certainly so, she asks me to stand in convenience
    Raise my hands, turn and clasp at the wall…
    Meaning I’m gonna need it.
    Trying to stay calm I let my weight shift…
    And begin leaning…next heavy breathing…
    As thoughts contract my eyes into a wince…
    I hear the rubber pulled taught and snapped…
    Back on her wrist…
    Amidst all my emotions I forgot to stay calm…
    Given the situation…
    That was lost with her lotion filled palm…
    And two finger penetration….
    Who lingered with patience but the somber detective…
    He wandered back into the room..
    To monitor inspection…fondled and lessened..
    My muscles begin to hurt as they grow unpleasantly…
    Tense….
    Until something surely burst with the last probing…
    Inch…moaning…I flinch and gasp…
    As she removes her fingers with hurried effort…
    My vision blurries and I fall to the floor..
    Feeling none the better
    For once the smile has left her as I lay cuddled…
    Huddled in vial displayed in a large blood puddle…
    I muddle a few words as I bleed from each exit…
    And one entrance….
    Ones interest in drugs tends to be physically and mentally…
    Expensive…
    So in this boob job I carried product across bordered land…
    With common knowledge you would have done a…
    Breast, not rectal exam…
    Settled I am on the floor, dying by despair filled hands…
    Or was it the bags of coke shared in my mammary glands


    Topic : During an exam, your eyes begin to bleed.

    thanks for the extension..kinda rushed it..but i wanted to put up a full verse...
    test
  8. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    CK - you're a fucking crackhead...I swear...I love how you decided to approach this topic and well I'm not surprised...at the same time I feel like the story didn't offer all that much except some scientist splicing genes and putting them into a vibrator...not the best I've read from you, but it was cool...I like how you broke down your format, but sometimes I felt like it chopped up your flow as you didn't break it down properly...I unno...hit and miss with me.

    Soul - I feel like you could have won this...if your story had more clarity I think you would have done a nice job with it...although I don't like the whole coke mule breast implant concept...still all the same I think your flow was much smoother than CK's and it made for a quicker read...

    this is hard for me...on one hand Soul had a smoother and easier read, but I feel like his piece ended to quickly and didn't give me enough satisfaction...CK on the other hand tackled a topic that I think required a lot of creativity and I think the crazy imagery he presented was enough to seal my vote.

    vote = CK.
    test
  9. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2001
    Messages:
    19,109
    good battle .. props on both showing ..

    CK - I enjoyed this .. it was out there whilst the vocab kept it within the realms of reality .. some great imagery work really left me entertained whilst baffled at some of the terminology .. lol .. got through the passion of the protagonist for the work involved in creating this LUST filled dildo .. nice shit man ..

    Soul - no denying that this was well written .. the scheme was nice and the rhyming was above the average .. the story itself was the let down though .. I like how you interpretated the scenario but for a while I really didn't see where the piece was going until the breast implant scene arrived .. by then .. the verse was ending and left me feeling a little cold toward the approach you took content wise ..

    Vote = Cereal_Killer .. a pretty close battle if I'm honest .. but .. for me .. CK had the fresher and more enjoyable content to his piece .. both had a nice smooth flow and I would say that although Soul's lines were longer .. the wording hit rhymes in places that really made it feel roll off the dome .. good stuff by both but CK gets my vote ..
    test
  10. 3-Planes

    3-Planes Cruel... and unusual

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Messages:
    549
    CK:

    this was more like a topical with a plot attached than a pure story... if that makes any sense (or really matters as there's really quite a big gray zone)... either way i think your topic interpretation was interesting and this piece was fairly intriguing... your format irritated me however (it did your flow a huge disfavor)

    Soul:

    the build up was far too generic... more subtle flaggings for the twist to come would've been welcome... i had lost my focus (and interest) by the time the plot really started to unfold - the balance between the set up and the climax was askew... flow-wise this was decent without much flair

    vote: Cereal_Killer

    better written, more interesting
    test
  11. MetaSin

    MetaSin I Don't Believe In You...

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2002
    Messages:
    2,082
    CK. This was interesting, and original, to say the least. I think your structure was weird, and it may have messed up your flow, or maybe it messed up the way I should have read it. Either way, your verse was still pretty good.

    SI: This was good, and mechanically I enjoyed it better... The thing is, even tho your story moved more fluidly than CK's, it still seemed to drag on due to the content. I didn't know what was going on, and that's cause it was too vague, or I was too bored. Mechanically, u obviously are far from inept, and your story wasn't bad, it just took too long to hit a climax, that was a little blah for me. May be an off week, but I expect your story will be better next week.

    Vote: CK, because I enjoyed his story more.
    test
  12. nom de plume.

    nom de plume. rumbrave.

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Messages:
    8,233
    ck - some of the breaking up of the flow really disrupted the piece to be honest. at some points it just seemed like you'd hit enter by accident. but for the most part it kept it flowing, it was just odd little moment that disrupted it. over all an odd little story, the ending seemed to rush in some what. but as a whole not a bad little piece.

    soul - not a bad piece. on the whole it was enjoyable. it was just that is seemed to progress incredibly slowly. with not much to hold the attention other than a nice scheme and solid rhyming, which are always enjoyable. but it just didnt serve to pull the story further which was a bit of a disappointment.

    vote - ck
    test
  13. Infinite Truth

    Infinite Truth ...scatterboxx rocks.

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2000
    Messages:
    7,962
    ck... cool verse, but wtfzz @ the flow. awkward as shit. wording, scheme, linguistics - all strong. story was cool. i really love your originality & that had its shine in this piece. overall a good read, but rugged & hard to latch.

    soul influence... well, not a bad verse. solid scheme, rhythmic flow - lost me at times but better than cks. story wasy a bit bland & uninteresting. while, for the most part, the flow was smooth, the storytelling was not. so...

    v- ck.
    test
  14. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 1999
    Messages:
    1,517
    cereal killer - story was good and i liked how you brought the visual element into the story, what i didnt like was the format and the simplistic approach to your diction and rhyme scheme, i wouldnt say it took away from the verse, it kind of made it more easier to critique, seeing those short lines made it easy to see the mistakes in flow and what not, good drop though, could of been polished more but feeling it none the less, good drop


    SI - i think what hurt your verse the most was topic choice, it would have been reallyhard to flip that topic and have it come off really good, cause your verse seemed like alot of filler to me, your flow could be vamped up but your stucture is easier to me than CK's, i just think ultimately your verse didnt inspire me in the slightest, i was kinda of bored reading it, and it has not as much to do with you as a writer as it does the topic you decided towrite on, feel me? you would of had to have a very impressive verse for me to get into it about your topic


    vote - cereal killer
    test
  15. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2001
    Messages:
    25,850
    Cereal_Killer wins 7-0
    CK post links
    Soul Influence fails to post links
    CK still wins 7-(-4)
    test
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