Wishing Well

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by TheInkwell, May 5, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    736
    Decided to revisit this piece before posting my verse for the RSTL.

    This is the original: http://board.rapmusic.com/poetry-realm/1142690-wishing-well.html#post16776785
    Posted that three years ago, but I'm pretty sure it was actually written about 5/6 years back..

    Now I’m sitting by this wishing well
    Nickel and diming just to wish you well
    The water glistens with the coins I’ve filled
    A bargain for the deals it seals…

    The coins flutter in the air… light…
    Suspended for a moment with a breezes might…
    Hits the water like a wrinkled plea…
    Dirtied with the grime from a trembling grief…
    I’m glued to this bench by hope…
    An adhesive that’s got my clothes soaked
    In the way you would when you cried on me
    But you’re so grown now and the role’s reversing

    They tell me that you’re dead, well… that’s a lie
    I’ve got coins left to assure more time
    They say I’ll catch a cold… to get myself together…
    But with every coin… a thread of hope…
    Blankets me from this weather
    It doesn’t matter… rain or snow
    Have all tested me and have been sent home…
    Their talk of tombstones and… a funeral…
    Is irrelevant, no need for those…
    I know at any moment, you’ll come take me home…

    This can’t be the last coin, where’d the others go…

    what do you guys think about the remake? does it still capture that raw emotion?
    test
  2. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    and on that day the ink was born....

    great piece...full of ideas and it worked very well. I thought this part was not the best of the piece (the transition to it was too sudden)

    not bad considering at this time you were an Aaron Cater fanboy
    test
  3. h.wood

    h.wood IMAGINATION SUPER STAR

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2002
    Messages:
    3,706
    I’m glued to this bench by hope…
    An adhesive that’s got my clothes soaked
    In the way you would when you cried on me
    But you’re so grown now and the role’s reversing

    They tell me that you’re dead, well… that’s a lie
    I’ve got coins left to assure more time
    They say I’ll catch a cold… to get myself together…
    But with every coin… a thread of hope…
    Blankets me from this weather
    It doesn’t matter… rain or snow
    Have all tested me and have been sent home…
    Their talk of tombstones and… a funeral…
    Is irrelevant, no need for those…
    I know at any moment, you’ll come take me home…

    This can’t be the last coin, where’d the others go…

    I started to pull it apart but it was pointless.
    yes , it still holds the emotion.
    beautiful read
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)