Wishing Well

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by INKrypt, Feb 21, 2009.

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  1. INKrypt

    INKrypt New Member

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    written to be rapped... and performed as a spoken word.. then again, all my pieces are

    the "..." (forgot what it's called) indicate a passage in time... about a few days worth

    sometimes hope is the cruelest fate of all

    now I'm sitting by my wishing well
    nickel and diming just to wish you well
    I care about you, don't know if you can tell
    all I know is I'm filling up my wishing well

    sometimes I flip the coins, sometimes I throw them in
    sometimes I place it on the water and watch it as it's sinking
    and as it sinks I can't help but think, wouldn't it be nice
    if my wish came true after I turned in for the night

    I'm glued to this bench, by the gravity of my hopefulness
    maybe one day I'll look back and laugh at the thought of it
    but right now I've got these bags of coins and a mission to pursue
    you're too sick to make your wishes, so I'll sit here and make them for you
    ...
    ...
    so I'm sitting by my wishing well
    rain or snow, just to wish you well
    they tell me “go home, your sister passed away”
    I know they're lying, 'cause everyday I wish you get another day

    sometimes I kiss the coins before I let them go
    sometimes I miss the well and they roll on the floor
    I pick them back up and clasp them tightly in my hands
    and hope that it didn't decrease our chance...
    ...
    ...
    everyday my resolution gets firmer, I can feel you getting better
    with every coin, a thread of hope, to blanket me from the weather
    so through rain or shine, I'm driven by your life
    as long as I got these coins, you'll meet me here one night

    so I'm sitting by this wishing well
    nothing can make me leave, not even the threat of hell
    they beg me to come to my senses and visit your gravesite
    but I got these coins - that means you're alive, so there ain't no gravesite

    sometimes I sit and watch the coins glisten in the sunlight
    as I toss them up high like a bird taking flight... and it feels like
    any moment you'll come to take me home
    ... this can't be the last coin, where'd the others go...
    test
  2. Joro

    Joro New Member

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    Nice poem. It tells me that hope runs out if you're trying to buy eternity.
    test
  3. Nasty__Ness

    Nasty__Ness The Queen of Topicals

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    This was a very nice piece. I could hear it as I was reading it. My sister and brother in law passed away in October. So I can relate to this very strongly, not wanting to give up hope, thinking that what you hear can't be real and unable to accept what truly is.

    Thanks for sharing...
    test
  4. Poetic Concept

    Poetic Concept New Member

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    Bonkers man poem of the month I havent heard anything like that in a minute this piece was nice "with every coin, a thread of hope, to blanket me from the weather" you slipped aup a few times when you was describing her death I think you could have been more descriptive and let us now how, and why you chose the well, id you start while she was sick or after her death, you know stuff like that. Anyways I always have questions and this was definitely nice.
    test
  5. INKrypt

    INKrypt New Member

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    thanks for all the responses, i'll return the favor later this week once my life gets less busy =.=

    this actually won "poem of the month" on another forum that i moderate =]
    as for the sisters death, i just mentioned it in passing because i wanted the focus to be on the character and hope.
    test
  6. MisterEThoughts

    MisterEThoughts MysteryOfUntoldTruth

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    This was quite beautiful. I loved the words used and loved the word play and the rhythm. I also loved these lines right here:

    now I'm sitting by my wishing well
    nickel and diming just to wish you well
    I care about you, don't know if you can tell
    all I know is I'm filling up my wishing well

    The nickel and diming is a great line! Have you read the book Nickel and Dimed? That's what I thought of, when I read that. Thanks for sharing. I loved the whole piece.
    test
  7. INKrypt

    INKrypt New Member

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    i have not read nickel and dimed, but now i'm curious as to what it's about haha.. thanks for the love, i'll return the favor later this week.. this week is hectic x.x
    test
  8. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    This is deep man. love it
    test
  9. Persephone

    Persephone New Member

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    This is a great piece. Reminds me of when my grandma was sick. I remember wishing and wishing...It was hard to accept. Thanks for posting this.
    Persephone
    test
  10. INKrypt

    INKrypt New Member

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    thanks for the feedback =]
    test
  11. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

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    That was pretty deep. I like how it began, very strong. & the ending was just right. Keep writing.
    test
  12. INKrypt

    INKrypt New Member

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    thanks for the love =]
    test
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