When Stars Sing

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by ManMadeofAshes, Sep 9, 2004.

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  1. ManMadeofAshes

    ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER

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    Responed to -- Allnakey, Nu Afrikka, and Johnie French
    +This peice I wrote years ago... 17 years old I think when I first started tackling poetry. (this is posted for you Allnakey)


    As often as I ask the questions of why
    I find myself looking straight into the sky
    with these dreams in my eyes
    I tried
    The sun sets and the stars lay into me
    I feel what I dont see
    I know what I want to be
    even if you dont believe me
    The trees scream out to me and
    I stop breathing
    when Im not me I stop needing
    Thoughts feeding in all directions at once
    I come undone when I think of us
    I want nothing
    because I am everything
    The world sings as Im in my mirror bleeding
    Decieving myself
    wishing I was somone else
    because I never felt good enough
    I never knew, I always was
    I know now I can accomplish many things
    anything to seal the wounds my life brings
    I am everything
    No rules, no limits, no boundaries
    I have turned infinite
    You dont seem to give a shit
    as I sit and dream
    looking up into the stars
    that lay into me
    test
  2. ledge end

    ledge end Epitome of Realness

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    This poem was fairly decent.

    wishing I was somone else
    because I never felt good enough​

    ^ I am sure everyone can relate to those lines. At one point or another in our lives we feel that we still are missing something no matter what we have. The poem itself lacked imagery, the emotion was fair, but the depth was below par. I would have liked to feel the words of this poem more being it was an inspiring poem. Overall it was decent. Keep writing and blessing us with poetry.
    test
  3. babyangel17

    babyangel17 New Member

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    I felt it ...the words was deep u kno its like they really stood out i thought it was good
    test
  4. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Pretty good read, but it felt like it was lacking something IMO. Cant quite put my finger on it though. Lookin foward to seein more of your work soon


    one luv
    test
  5. Sun_Flower

    Sun_Flower Bluez By Loves Eye

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    Wow, thats a wonderful piece. The stars was so bright this morning through my window and to have read this just brought out tears in me.

    This is what did it! Your qoute:

    I want nothing
    because I am everything
    The world sings as Im in my mirror bleeding
    Decieving myself
    wishing I was somone else
    because I never felt good enough
    I never knew, I always was

    ~~~~~~

    Beautiful in my thought!
    test
  6. runofthejamill

    runofthejamill or not.

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    i agree with ledge end , it was a decent poem, but not powerful enough to convey the image across strongly.
    test
  7. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    LOL, posted for me... don't really see how it would pertain to me... but it's all good


    You said this was one of your earlier pieces, it's pretty nice for a early piece, i mean it was simple, a little repeative, but it got out a clear message. It was really simple, but in a good way.



    Stay Up, Much Love, Peace
    test
  8. Anglewing

    Anglewing New Member

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    Hey ups on the piece it was very good
    test
  9. ManMadeofAshes

    ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER

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    I hate this peice. I posted it to show someone that my advice has potential to lead them to progression. (and it didn't work because they forgot our discussion) anyway.. PLEASE, no more "uppin" I want this to dissappear so I can post something worth reading!!!! BUT thank you!

    Ashes
    test
  10. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    "advice has potential to lead them to progression"

    i never agrued against that, that's what makes your lashes out against me all that more comical... I just told you in one thread not to insult the readers... and to wait for responses, not ask for them... but you totally went off in another direction with that..
    test
  11. Diablo

    Diablo Master Of Blades

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    very nice piece, i always enjoyed short lined poetry, good stuff
    test
  12. ManMadeofAshes

    ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER

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    okay stop responding to this fucking peice already.. Let it die please. And yes allnakey, my constructive critisim you said was lashing out. Hence, no room for growth.. because after all .. if I dont have anything nice to say I shouldnt say anything at all... right.. no fuck that.. that phrase was created by a person with a lot of problems who couldnt owe up to any of them. besides I see the comments you give people.. and ummmm.. how that relates to helping them get better is beyond. Here is a pat on the back... now your a better writer.. TA DA!! .. hahah your funny. But yes.. my ranting should have some comical value so Im glad you could understand that.. if not anything else. ofcoase ... you pointed it out which means you assumed it was unintential.. so ... I guess you didnt get it. But.. I long ago forgot about my attempt to help ya understand that... but I keep responding and you keep responding because obviously we both get some sense of satisfaction out of it.. whether or not its you trying to tell me what I said ... ... thats the problems with words I suppose is they are open for interpretation.. but then again.. its that interpretation that makes them powerful. Bittersweet. Just like ME. and its half way like you.. ahaha.. thats open for interpretation.. ... .. yea.. hehehe
    test
  13. ManMadeofAshes

    ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER

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    and if you want to continue this more.. which is really starting to become pointless, so I would advise against it.. but atleast post it in another poem..

    THIS POEM NEEDS TO SINK INTO ITS OWN GRAVE (OFF THE PAGE) SO PLEASE.. NO MORE, this is nice... . uh... .. yea.. nice.. good. okay.. I got it. I hate it. If you have a valuable opinion drop it somewhere else pleeeaaaaseeeeeee!!
    test
  14. MzDee

    MzDee Where Stars Fall.....

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    Decieving myself
    wishing I was somone else
    because I never felt good enough


    those lines really hit me ...but all in all this was a good poem
    Much respect
    test
  15. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    You are so full of yourself, you tend to over look the simplest comments and turn them into a big debocial... I never commented on the way you respond to peoples pieces, or the critisism you give to other writers, the only problem I had with your lashing was it came out of Impatience, and you rudely insult people because you weren't getting the results you wanted... had nothing to do with your perseption of what helps make a better writer, so dont take things out of context... and the thing I find funny is that you are argueing something I never gave an opinion on, you're argueing based on assumption.... which is odd, but what ever
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  16. ManMadeofAshes

    ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER

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    First off... debocial is not a word so I don't know what your talking about. Second your assumption that I was lashing out because people hadn't responded.. (which is what you've been arguing) is nothing but an assumption. It was that people were viewing it, and because this place has just turned into a place to be patted on the back, my only assumption was that the people not responded didn't like something about the poem. So I was encouraging, if you don't like it, tell me why. I was encouraging people to think. Thats when you said people dont need to be insulted (which apparently to you means, pointing out weakness's,) My point during my "lashing out episodes" was that I dont give a fuck about the people who just pat me on the back and say good job. Okay honey... those are responces. Thats not what Im looking for. My lashing out was simply saying I want critisism, not a pat on the back. Now I know you like your pats on the back and I have given them to you from time to time. But dont try to tell me what I said (assume) and than try to nail me for arguing a false assumption. now.. please tell me that you were trying to type another word... an actual word.... when you wrote debocial. I tried sounding it out incase your just an awful speller, but not even that worked.... . .? and I guess I can forget about you respecting the fact that I dont want this jumping to the top anymore? I would expect nothing less from you.
    test
  17. ManMadeofAshes

    ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER

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    oh .. and saying I am so full of myself doesn't mean anything when it comes from a person who is also full of themselves. Just cause your a MOD doesn't mean ... anything. It doesn't make your opinion more meaningful. Although I think some people think you became a MOD because of talent.. and so they do value your opinion. But than again.. that might be why your getting so many pats on the back. No thank you. I don't like people touching me
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  18. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    You are trying to minipulate your own words... that's funny... but I'm good for now... I know what you mean, and for the sake of this I will just stop, no reason to keep on continueing, and I'm far from full of myself... but again you would not know that
    test
  19. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    let me explain this to you, if it seems like I'm "patting" these people on their backs, well maybe I am a little bit... but I come to these realm as a reader, not a critic, a reader... and as a reader I like to find the things in peoples pieces that keeps me coming back to read them. ya know... I know you are looking for something more then that... but this realm is full of readers... I'm sorry if that's not what you are looking for... but you can't on other people for not getting the type of responces you want, and that was the original arguement
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  20. ManMadeofAshes

    ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER

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    I didnt manipulate my own words, I clarified them for the reader (you) who doesn't know how to analyze thoughts that are deeper than just their surface. .. so um.. debocial???

    what does that mean again?
    test
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