When should you settle down + have kids

Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by Radium, Jan 26, 2010.

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  1. Radium

    Radium f k

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    I'm looking at something like...

    settle down in your late 20's early 30's (no this does not mean marriage)

    and kids like late 30's early 40's?

    its probably not a good idea in any event to plan a relationship; you should just let things happen

    but then my great fear is to settle down way too early and worse have kids too early

    i don't even look grown how can i have a kid and i look like a kid. i know this girl who feels anxiety because she is 25 w/ no kids yet and its like driving her to the point of losing her mind chasing spiritual alternatives and drastic lifestyle changes

    i was like...

    [youtube]8UubRLo4jOY[/youtube]

    i don't know why but it seems girls want to settle down + have kids way too early. like you don't you realize you still have to see the world (foreign countries) and experience more things. i know everybody by now has seen everybody facebook/myspaces of everybody you went to high school w/ and like 70%-80% everybody has kids now at like 22

    yo umm...

    what you think?
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  2. samii so sexii

    samii so sexii ..sunkist siren..

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    back when i was in high school i thought i would be finished with my degree by now, and would have found the one person to spend my life with in college. i thought that we would have dated seriously for a couple years and then had kids around 24/25.

    lol if only i knew then what God thinks of our plans...

    now, i'm taking life as it comes...i may still have kids by the time im 25, and im hoping that's true, but im not holding my breath...
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  3. Radium

    Radium f k

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    why 25 though
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  4. Radium

    Radium f k

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    because claire and cliff huxtable was hecka old when they had all those kids and that family seemed to work well to me...
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  5. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    Women's most prime, fertile years are ages 35 and under, so I think its that old cliched "biological clock" thing going on in most cases.

    "Women in their twenties have a good chance of becoming pregnant as a result of a relatively greater number of eggs in their ovaries. Additionally, a larger percentage of those eggs are normal genetically. Since a woman is born with all of the eggs that they will have in their lifetime, the older she gets the fewer eggs are left. In addition, as women age the percentage of genetically normal eggs remaining decreases. This is why women have a decreasing fertility rate, increased miscarriage rate and increased chance of birth defects like Down syndrome as they age."
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  6. samii so sexii

    samii so sexii ..sunkist siren..

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    ^^ right. there are medical reasons behind my decision, as well as personal. i don't want to be/feel old having kids...i want to feel younger. 25, imo, is an age where im aware of what im doing, im mature, im ready, and accepting of it...its not like im 16 and got pregnant accidentally. yknow?

    i want to be a mom that can keep up. if i take my child to an amusement park, i want to be able to get on the rollercoaster with him. i want to be able to do cartwheels with her. i want to have energy...and on top of that, i want to have children when im young so that when im old and ready to retire my husband and i will have them out of the house and we can travel and do our own thing...alone.

    my mother in law is in her early 40s [she's turning like 42 this year] and she has a 4 year old. imho, she's fucking nuts. no WAY would i have a grown child, just barely getting out the house [my husband], and then have to go back to the beginning and potty train a kid. haaayylee naw.
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  7. Mr ExZ

    Mr ExZ evolved

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    i used to think by 25/26.. now im not so sure, but still wouldnt mind that age

    like sammi i want to be young and be able to keep up.. minus the whole cartwheel thing, lmao i cant even imagine my big ass trying a cart wheel

    but yeah if im still with my current lady, i plan on being atleast engaged by 26.. probably before, but like thread starter said cant have plans i just take it for what it is
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  8. Wonka

    Wonka OTBVA 2v2 Champ

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    I'm settling down already and I'm 19, is that bad?
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  9. Radium

    Radium f k

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    thats an interesting trade-off

    because by having kids early at late 30 and early 40 you can do your own thing but then...

    you're going to be doing those things as middle-aged people. can you do the same things in your 40's that you could have been doing in your 20's?

    i consider the 20's as being important years. you go to school, you do crazy things, you travel, you develop many different interests and hobbies, you just explore life and your options in life

    you do this as a young person because as a young person your body is still very strong and your life has really only just started. you only just started learning about where you fit into this universe and what this universe is really really about. so its a good time to explore your options. in your 20's you have the most life energy.

    by having kids at 20 i feel like you clip that in half.

    and another thing is that i feel i could give more wisdom to a child as a man and not a young man. my dad had me at like 38 and i always had a real man to look up to growing up. i was not looking up to some young dude who can barely even grow a beard or hasn't even been anything or done anything yet. my dad by that time had served during vietnam, traveled around the world, completed college, fought for civil rights, member of the black panthers

    he could not had done that if he had me at like 24 or something. he would have had to focus more on raising a child as a young man than those other things
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  10. samii so sexii

    samii so sexii ..sunkist siren..

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    i definitely see the trade offs...

    however i know that you can have all the knowledge/experience in the world, and it sill won't ensure you'll be a "good parent" which, IMO, is relative.

    my mom had me at 27, and she still hasn't really traveled the world...other than Hawaii, Mexico, and Canada she's never left the continental United States. i don't feel like her mothering was lacking in any way because of that...

    nevertheless, you stated my main standpoint: energy. i dont want to feel beaten down by life by the time i have kids. i want to still feel young, vibrant, and fresh. i want to have that energy and optimism inside of me when carrying my child.

    plus, nothing will ever be perfect...as a first time mom, when the time comes, im going to make some mistakes. that can happen at any age...and im cool with that =]
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  11. Big Stykz

    Big Stykz u feel me?

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    2 the cat who say he 19 and ready 2 settle down, shooooot lol. i aint in your shoes so i aint gonna act like i have the golden ticket or nathan, but that seems mad young 2 be thinkin bout truly settlin down. i know the difference between me at 19 and me now at 26 is like 2 completely different people. u might grow up and realize u made a mistake. but then again, u might not. just keep ur eyes and ears open cuzzo, and dont go buyin no rings just yet lol.....

    as 4 me personally, im thinkin 28-30 is a good age range. old enough 2 handle what i got to handle, but still young enough 2 merk my young'ns on the hoop court when they in their teens lol....
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  12. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

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    There are beaucoup ppl. I went to hs school with who are either married, have 1 or more kids, or are in serious relationships right now. I don't fall into any of those categories. Now in my last year of undergrad some of my friends are in relationships but not planning anything serious...they seem to be going with the flow (whatever happens, happens).

    I can say this...I always had it in my mind to be settled down by the time I finished school (or sometime after school), travel abroad w/ my significant other & just enjoy life. THEN raise a family around my late 20's-early 30's. I still feel that way to this day but only difference is I'm not pressuring myself. In good time the settling down will happen. I just wanna enjoy my life and explore everything I crave for.
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  13. carita1959

    carita1959 New Member

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    I just turned 27 last month. I got married about 6 months ago and we have no children (or any plans for children for at least a couple of years.) However, most of the girls that I went to high school with got married and/or had children right out of high school. They always give me a hard time about how far behind I am
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  14. Leila Night

    Leila Night efrain,you're my one&only

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    Not to mention they're not emotionally/mentally/etc. prepared to have that huge responsibility. Especially in our society where everyone is sort of babied. Early adulthood is the most tumultuous time in most people's lives... and it's when everyone decides to bring kids into their messy lives...

    Of course, I'm really philosophical about it... I'm sure most people will be just fine.

    Yeah, it's weird... but I know a lot of people my age who are extremely happy and completely settled.
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  15. UnbrokeN

    UnbrokeN Well-Known Member

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    should settle down when the mind has settled down..and you are at peace with yourself and your partner.
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  16. Brit Boi Gee

    Brit Boi Gee raison d'être

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  17. Ruby Gloom

    Ruby Gloom Lovely

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    I think late 20's, early 30's. Those are perfect ages. As it was said already you're still young enough to enjoy your children.

    All depends on the person I guess.
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  18. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    The "norm" is having children at a younger age. It used to be that most folks married and had kids in their teens. We're moving further away from that these days, though. People are marrying and having kids a lot later in life than they used to. Suppose that might have something to do with longer life expectancy, more effective birth control and the fact the marriage age is moving back further in age as well.
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  19. Sin-Razone

    Sin-Razone UnR3450n

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    i remember when I was like 22 and I first found out about my girl being pregnant. i started panicking...and i was thinking about what we were gonna do...i dont have a good paying job or a college degree...and all the other things that i wont be able to accomplish in life. Once she was born everything changed for me. I all of a sudden wanted to take my little girl everywhere, have her experience everything in this world, have conversations about how we have to be good honest people and all that other stuff. Point being, its natural for one to have a family and a house and all that other stuff, your own territory. I know a bunch of dudes that have kids and that still try to accomplish things in their life. they just wait till their kids are a little older. which is becoming very common this generation.
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  20. Nomak

    Nomak Active Member

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    I wanted to have kids at like 30. Those plans were shot when my gf got pregnant when i was 23. I automatically thought...damn, my life is pretty much over. Boy, was I wrong. From 23 to 25 I've learned a hell of a lot. My daughter is 2 years and 4 months old now. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Everyone's life has a different blueprint and I'm very glad I had a baby at (what I consider) a pretty good age. Having a child changed my life..not because of the diaper changing, the constant crying..etc...but because she taught me what true love really is. What I'm really trying to say is....the best things in life are unplanned. That's what I've learned. You'll know when you're ready..
    She keeps me feeling young...I look young for my age already...but some people, like myself, age like fine wine. I'll enjoy the good life when I get older...if I make it hahaha. I'm not with the mother of my child anymore..but you know what? It doesn't affect our relationship with our daughter. We're not the first to become single parents..nor the last. I don't mold my life after anyone's, because not all marriages are peaches and cream. Don't believe the hype.
    Of Course you have more freedom when you don't have kids, but don't feel like you have to force a bunch of adventures upon yourself. Just live life how you want to....stay in your lane, dont' be something you're not. I see Life as a bunch of chapters in a book, not a pamphlet. Sorry for the book hahaha...peace and love.
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