what do you think of this?

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by ChyllTyrant, Oct 30, 2012.

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  1. ChyllTyrant

    ChyllTyrant AmIEternalOrAnEternalist?

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    i put the starfish in my lungs, the hardships through the guns, my jobs were never good, my biggest projects were the slums... i've never shopped for fun in a marketful of bums, but i've taken it to the level of devil verse god for some crumbs, in a heart of unsettled blood, i'm under the hood with the metal if you run. what the eff in da hell is love? i'm so above the ghetto on the grounds i'm getting up. Get getting up.
    i put the flame to vanillas, bic, games like magilla gorillas, guerilla kid, flickin switchin lane's in fourwheelers, you who claimed the clicks was iller, shame, language filler, train engine, drive daisies, bob the builder. aiming at the 8's like u playing billiards, but twitch cuz a name's in twyllard. i pull roots for a carrat, it's no tooth to the truth, no parrot, in the booth photo smoothe graphic, bueller ferris when it's back to work. Chiropractic. chyea i knew your parents, i used to do bad, word, i use to step on cracks, i mean, i was walking on some eggshells. you know i'm still employing the destoyers, talking bout swamp wetlands with the deadpool static automatic ***** attack blood canvas with a flood of burners. good with servers, i stay in da hood on person. Straight on Anti-purpose.
    Ay ay, you know the cats was out here like mary the virgin, predator one, military, jeanclaud vandamme, yeah i'm a scarier version of the hunchback of notre dame, igor with the fiends and whores like eor. slump nickel sacks with the tom thumb i run off on the jack, fax offa foxin fucks. heaven and hell, devil's down, god's up. gramma so, grim reap, alla ya'll shut up.

    ReverbNation.com/TwyllTheChyllTyrant
    test
  2. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Give some feedback to others my man and it shall be returned to you
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  3. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

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    It's horrible.
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  4. GetItBri

    GetItBri Thinker

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    I don't think it is horrible, I just think that your structure for this written is off. You should try and make it easier to read; that way it will be easier to digest and understand.

    As for the content itself, there isn't really a message to grab a hold to. If you want to rap about the slums and hardship, then do that. Wanna rap about guns, hoes, drugs and whatnot, then do that. Just give the readers (us) enough to get a picture of what you are saying before moving on to something else.

    I hope this helps.
    test
  5. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    I felt you used starfish just to get hardship to rhyme...it flet like much of the scheme was laid out by necessity of rhyme over content quality of what is being said.

    the flow was alright, but personally I'm more interested in content and this just seems immature from a grade preschoolers prospective. Not bad in itself, but not my cup of Open Mic.

    Rhymes were fine, but I always notice the more complex the rhymes get, the more focus and detail is lost to ambiguity. THis piece was very ambiguous. Not necessarily . horrible. This is coming form a kat who makes little sense in most his writings, take this as is.

    keep it up tho.
    test
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