Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by MISSKEYdaQUEEN, Feb 10, 2008.
Have you ever been? Ever tried?
apparently I'm the only one here accumulating dust on her vajayjay....
It's only celibacy when you actually go longer than a few months just because you are being picky at the moment...
I think... it couldn't be me.
lmao!!! Tight eyes, you are silly!
I'm serious as a heart attack though... lol.
Celibacy, as I understand it, is more or less something you plan on doing indedefinitely. Not the same as temporarily abstaining from sex. I can understand folks doing that who are dedicated to spending their life focusing on spiritual enlightment and such (monks, nuns, etc), and thus find it necessary to deny themselves of certain carnal pleasures altogether. I sometimes fast (go without food) for spiritual reasons, myself. Theres a lot to be gained from learning to control your physical desires.
But I think women often tend to swear off sex when they've had a string of bad relationships and felt used by sexual partners in the past. I don't think that's a healthy way to deal with the problem. In many cases, it wasn't having sex that was creating the problem - it was her poor selection in men. Removing sex from the picture without examining some of the underlying issue that allowed her to get into those bad relationships in the first place, isn't going to help much.
I think theres a healthy medium between wanton promiscuity and extreme sexual repression. I like sex and don't plan on giving it up for any significant period of time, so for me its best that I try to find that balance.
So, in short, I understand that some folks do it for good reason. It just couldn't be me.
^See tights, you and I are the same but I'm the only to catch heat for it.
"Trying" it now. It's been about a month now so far. My mind is on other things.
give it up old man.
^Stay out of grown folks conversation.
Nope... you and her are not the same... u poop. LOL
Anyway. My choices stem more from past actions of sexual addiction. Its also why I decided to stop drinking... because I felt myself begin to act on things that I shouldn't. And even if I didn't act on it I'd consider it.
I guess I need to step back and reevaluate myself. I am doing a lot right now and sex, alcohol, and serious relationships in general would only be obstacles that may not be good for me right now. Its not really a spiritual, thing in all honesty.
I just need to step back reprioritize(sp?) and make sure my boundaries are well defined.
I see where you are coming from but I don't necessarily believe that cutting most stuff like that out of your life is gonna help you come to terms with yourself any better than learning how to live with everything and making better decisions. I can tell you one thing you need to focus on cutting out right now that's more important than anything you mentioned and I think you know what that is too. But I think you said it best that you need to reprioritize some shit. At some point you will come to terms with yourself and you won't blame things like sex or alcohol abuse for issues that manifest from you making bad decisions. Once you start making the better decisions you will learn to enjoy life in general better whether that involves having great sex and alcohol or not. I hope that makes sense...
I try it every other week.
Ain't that the truth. For females that aren't virgins, that reason there seems to account for about 95% of the females I know. Some of them will even be on some "I'll get/give head, but no sex until I am seriously committed or married."
I notice it happens a whole lot with females who get a bad name, and try to make up for those times by being celibate. Their picture will be next to hoe, slut, and easy in the dictionary...so they figure that having no sex for 2-3 years will make up for that, and hopefully people will forget that they were out there.
^Yeah. What sucks is meeting the sexy hoe right after she's made it up in her mind that she is gonna let her coochie cool off for a minute before she resumes sleeping around with any and everyone again. That makes you feel like a complete loser! LMAO! I be like, "But you just let 5 dudes hit it last week! What's one more guy? Don't I deserve to have free sex no questions asked just once?!"
LOL, man that shit is all bad! Funny thing is...if you catch a female like this in her first week or two, she'll usually just be like "oh well....dick is like crack and I need a hit right now"....but if it's been months or a year...then it's no hope!
Dude I know this chick who just don't give a fuck. She fucking and you aint gotta worry about shit. You can do whatever and then afterwards she is just like one of the niggas or something. I can sit down and hang out with her and just chop it up and be like, let's go to my place, no hesitation. Throw down and throw on our clothes and that's that! I'll holla at cha some other time. Ok den...Nigga it's nothing! I don't understand how easy it is for some women to completely detach theirself emotionally from sex like it's as normal as breathing.
What you said makes sense. I feel you. Sometimes you just have to take a step back to regain some balance and get your mind right.
Enjoy yourself and your vajayjay... just do it in a way you can live with and feel good about.
I agree with you partially, DS. I think Misskey is doing the right thing as far as taking a lil hiatus from sex & alcohol in order to get herself together. A lot of women are not able to detach themselves emotionally from the act of sex... and from what I understand, she was abusing both (sex & alcohol) in the past, so it makes sense that she would need to completely step away from both vices for some time WHILE she's working on her inner self to figure out why she was engaging in that behavior in the first place. Its hard to get to the root of the problem when you're still knee-deep in that destructive behavior.
For me, that's different than a woman who says "men are no good so I'm gonna stop having sex with them", which places no accountability on herself for CHOOSING those no good ass men to sleep with in the first place. No accountability = you ain't working on changing shit about yourself and your discernment/selection process and will likely end up in another shitty ass relationship X amount of weeks/months/years later when you inevitably resume sexual activity again.
I think some former alcoholics are able to gain a healthy relationship with alcohol (learning to drink in moderation - not abusing it) after they've stopped drinking for a while and gotten some clarity.
I seriously need to stop watching so much Dr Phil.
Yeah, I think it happens a lot then (when the woman has been promiscuous and gained a bad rep), and other times its just a few bad experiences that she believes were somehow linked to the fact that she "gave it up" or "surrendered" herself to a "bad" man. If you get with the kind of man that would look down on you or treat you poorly because you had sex with his ass... well, mama he was a loser and woulda still been a loser with a fucked up mentality had you NOT had sex with him. The sex itself didn't have shit to do with it.
Sometimes folks just jump into a sexual relationship with someone they barely know, expecting everything to fall into place and just work itself out. And when it doesn't, they're hurt and believe things didn't work out because they had sex... when the truth of the matter is, things weren't going to work out whether or not sex took place.
You're not gonna be compatible with everyone you meet/date, whether you have sex with them or not... if you give yourself enough time to ask questions and get to know what kind of person you're dealing with BEFORE sex occurs, you won't find yourself in that situation b/c you'll already have an idea of what kind of person you're dealing with and where his head is at (if you ask the right questions and learn to really pay attention)... you'll know a little something about his character.
And those girls you mentioned would really do themselves a favor if they stopped worrying about what everyone else did or didn't remember about them being "out there" or where ever else they might have been at whatever point in their lives. Them deciding not to have sex b/c of what other people might think of them is hella silly and childish. F*ck those people. 10 years from now you won't even know/remember most of those folks anymore... they should keep that in perspective.
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