West: 8. Hellrzah Vs 9. L dogg

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Nebz, Aug 23, 2003.

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  1. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    8.Hellrzah Vs 9.L dogg

    [​IMG]



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    test
  2. LDogg The King

    LDogg The King The High Life

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    test
  3. HellRzah

    HellRzah PurE EviL

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    still not sure
    pickin 7 or 8...
    goodluck
    test
  4. HellRzah

    HellRzah PurE EviL

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    test
  5. HellRzah

    HellRzah PurE EviL

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    8. ATHEIST:
    Your mother is driving you into town for a night out. She gets into the car as you sit in
    the passenger seat, but she realises she left the keys inside the house so she goes to look
    for them. You decide to help by searching the car for the keys, and you open the glove
    compartment. But inside is a knife, with blood along the edge of the blade. The blood is
    still wet. You pick up the knife in your hand, and realise your name is carved into the
    handle. Right that second, your mother is standing at the passenger window looking at you
    holding the knife.

    Expand.

    Here ya go:

    A noise woke me up..like someone just fell on the floor..
    hella dark in this room..my clock says twenty past four..
    so I gently open my door..but see nothin in the hallway..
    so I just went to sleep..could of been a dream anyway..

    five past five..again noises came from downstairs..
    like something heavy was beeing dragged down the stairways..
    someone opened the front door..slammed it shut..heard a car leavin'..
    steadily speedin'..till it left the street beamin'..

    half past five..couldn't get any sleep..I was wonderin..
    what was going on..while I sat in the darkness, ponderin..
    suddenly a noise of a car arrivin'..someone going upstairs..
    opening my bedroom door..there was mom with a face covered in fear..

    She pulled me outta mah bed..dragged me into the car..
    said we were going on a trip..promised we wouldn't go far
    she wanted to start the engine..but forgot her key inside..
    so she ran into the house..like she just caught mad fright..

    I decided to help her search the keys..so I started..
    looking everywhere..except for the glove compartement..
    So I tried to open it..I take a look at my hand..
    a red fluid..coverin my fingers..my thoughts stranded..

    something heavy inside..I pick it up..some more red stuff..
    and then I realised it was a knife..covered with blood!..
    I took a good look..suddenly my thoughts began to mangle..
    there was my fuckin name man..carved into the handle!..

    right that moment I saw my mother standin by the window..
    lookin at me in shock..terrified for what I have seen yo'..
    I drop the knife..my mother got in the car and drove away..
    "Promise me never to tell a soul..till the end of days"..

    the following morning, I stumble..wake up in a bed..
    inside a house..but I'm not sure I could remember it..
    this was our forest-cabin we used to visit in summer days..
    there stood my mom like she had something big to explain..

    "Listen son..these past weeks I've been actin strange"..
    "like that time I started crying when dad would come home late"..
    "He loves another woman now.. see, I cought 'em last week"..
    "well..used to love her..cause yesterday I stabed them both leak"..
    "The bodies burried in the forest..now I'm wonderin how"..
    "they'll ever gon' find bodies burried into the ground"..
    "now son..before I'ma kill you..I wanted you to know that"..
    "I never wanted this to happen..never chose this kinda path"..
    "no worries tho'..this'll just hurt for like a second"..
    "cause I'll only be having you..tryna mess shit up I recon"..

    completely insane..mom rose the knife into the air..
    tryna shut down tha last witness like she didn't even care..
    like her memory's lost..and her face looks kinda different..
    all bleeching up..like she's an undead..waitin for shivers..
    I roll over..the knife had struck into the wooden floor..
    I started running outside..took a last look when I hit the door..
    there was mother..back on her feet with the knife in her hand..
    so I ran into the forest..stopped after like five minutes..
    worn out..cold as hell..but I realised this wasn't the finish..
    already I see mother..runnin towards me with second powers..
    enraged like she was, she's fuck'd..and her face looked fouler..
    and then destiny didn't fit me right at that time..
    I fell to the ground..a root cought me.. and quickly I hide..
    mother came by..I loked at her..I'm hidden behind a tree..
    she picks up something..my shoe! Sees me..I couldn't flee!..
    now wouldn't it be..the upmost luck..cause what I found was..
    a thick branche from a tree..now's the time for the counter..
    I hit her on her forehead..she falls to the ground, dead..

    *Burries his mother next to the bodies of his father and his mistress*
    test
  6. LDogg The King

    LDogg The King The High Life

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    16. TEKNEEK:
    Honies, food, homies, basketball court, DJ, and memories.... its all you can think about as you arrive at the picnic wit all ya folks... ya boys... ya girls... the locals... and everything is fine.... --- then you reminisce on how times changed from how u were as a little kid goin to these cookouts and how the folks around u have grown...Tell your memories and the fun that you see around u.​
    .
    .
    .
    no one can flip such a nice hearted topic into such a twisted scheme like L
    .
    .
    .
    .......

    Every day originality was noticeably missing from the past
    no more whine an dine night surprises or me seeing her laugh
    you see in 96 my wife and kids declined to sit in the right position
    and with no seatbelt went straight through the window in a highway collision
    now the water guns an Barbie’s are storage since there's no playing with those
    the ninja turtle an heman figures are most likely underneath the Lagos
    all in the closet, just like how my mind feels when I hide from the logic
    its like iv lost it and now use pills to search, along with narcotics
    feeling so alone in the world sometimes asking god why he is mad at me
    not only did I lose my own, but the people who raised an were my family
    an its gotten bad enough in the past to where I was selling my soul for sin
    could feel demons chewing apart my penis foreskin, until it was torn open
    but then was born again forced into checking in for psychotherapy treatment
    came out a better man the crazy guy was on top, I was hiding underneath him
    could of been like wasted seamen and would have died just a nutt
    but my wife’s family... although didn't like me, liked me enough...


    its been years since that happened now I’m lonely and cry
    the only question asked in days is when I’m going to die
    only hoping someone could come down from heaven, hold me in arms
    to the night sky lighting up our face, glowing with stars
    ...yesterday received a call, right after hello, who is it
    my wife’s mother began talking, and told me of their picnic
    figured since the single life style was boldly outdated
    I would take this chance to grab a peaceful memory an save it
    plus without work or food, and the thirst to chew
    all I knew was that problem... no longer pursued
    if I chose to go, so they came an picked me up for treatment
    oh.. I didn’t tell u I went back in? sorry, I couldn’t believe it lol
    the denial kicked in again and sent me back on the path
    of 7:00 movies.. the dinner, and pills before bath
    starving me with my own stomach sucking the blood from my head
    they thought they were being nice serving me breakfast with bread

    ...anyway her mom picked me up and told me all there was to see
    said they were eating by the b-ball court, I hadn't seen since seventeen
    was our old neighborhood where me and my wife had went to school
    next to the shooting hall where friends an honies would be playing pool
    everything couldn’t have been better, besides the fact that I missed her
    we were just kids back at these barbeques an I loved all of her sisters
    as soon as we walked to the food where I would introduce myself
    there was a certain somebody who stood out and it couldn’t be helped
    she looked so much like my wife it was if nothing had happen
    walking closer to the table I was focused, ignoring the laughin
    when her eyes touched mine for the first time in years light shined on my day
    brought me back to being outside watching, all of my children play
    we touched hands and that second quickly made up a plan
    piano players, orchestras... needed to get her a wedding band
    we had a thing for each other before my wife an I had got together
    and now all I could think was dam iv wanted to fuck her forever
    I reminisced back when one day we both had turned up missing
    ill never forget that day.. that’s when I learned my kissing
    still only WE shared that moment and kept it ourselves
    i agreed to what she said, promised to get in touch by mail...

    slowly we walked away from the family crowd an picnic
    like a movie ending, I was combing my hair while she was putting on lipstick

    it would have been days before suspicion of the house fire turned up
    within that week... they would think are bodies were burned up
    we laughed over daiquiri's... as the sun set over the sea
    she told me she murdered my wife, cut the brakes from the jeep
    see, me an she agreed we'd leave my wife’s murder a mystery,
    never would i have believed what she said... that 10 minutes, after our First Kissing Scene. :)


    pz.
    test
  7. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

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    watchin closely cuz i have the winner of this shit...
    test
  8. LDogg The King

    LDogg The King The High Life

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    should have voted while you were at it
    test
  9. KhemikaL*PhusionZ

    KhemikaL*PhusionZ Green+Need=Weed

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    pretty decent round 1 battle..both were solid verses..nothing outstanding..but str8

    Hell.. very nice story, decent imagery, but i felt you fell off a lil here and there..i had to read it twice and came to this conclusion..other than that..nice piece

    L..you had decent imagery as well, but i felt that your story was more consistant and just a better read

    so i gotta go with L Dogg on this one..
    test
  10. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

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    simply smoother. nothing seemed forced. not to mention, he really did twist a "happy" topic... creativity points for that...
    but dude.... it's legos not lagos. greatest toys ever.
    minus 2 for that. but still wins the vote.

    L-dogg
    test
  11. LDogg The King

    LDogg The King The High Life

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    lol at -2 for not spellin legos right.. :)

    up for votes
    test
  12. LDogg The King

    LDogg The King The High Life

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  13. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    Up over Ns's
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  14. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

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    vote L sorry rzah man you put up a dope effort but L jus edged you out by a lil lil ass bit...neither had a brilliant flow or rhymescheme but you both had a solid storyline and nice imagery I jus feel like L kept my attention a lil tighter
    test
  15. LDogg The King

    LDogg The King The High Life

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    no flow? lol uh ok.

    thanks for your feedback though.

    3-0
    test
  16. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

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    I didnt say NO flow I said not a brilliant one
    test
  17. bigKEN

    bigKEN Hoosier Daddy??

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    vote- L Dogg

    Hellrzah- told a good story, though parts kinda fell off. Simple scheme good imagery and emotion, but inconsistant

    L-Dogg- again simple scheme, but more consistant and a better story told
    test
  18. HellRzah

    HellRzah PurE EviL

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    congratz L
    good battle......
    test
  19. genitalwartz

    genitalwartz New Member

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    vote- L dogg...and i hate him.

    asgnadudaubfasjdbfyuagrvfyafkshbuajrtoajlgnhanekjav
    test
  20. Tha Talent

    Tha Talent , Tha Master.

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    how the fuck did L-Dogg have a simple scheme?
    maaaaaannnnn...kids just don't know how to read.
    test
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