[Week 9] 5. billy nomates(2-0) vs 6. Muti(3-2)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Oct 18, 2010.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]
    VERSES

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
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  2. Muti

    Muti I just write

    Joined:
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    wish you well
    test
  3. billy nomates.

    billy nomates. rain cancels play.

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    As a Moscow Sunset strips the light from the streets
    I’m tying my dreams with a quiet belief
    That a tyrant and beast is trying to speak
    And even the sweetest songbird would cry on release
    So I’m timing this peace with a wrist watch metronome
    This Checkhov’s gun is a Hitchcock stepping stone
    If I could send a message home, it’d make sense, sure
    Skip a pebble forth from this mismatched shore
    Scar my face with war, rusted razorblade, trace my jaw
    Let a bureaucrat erase my awe
    Find my glory in the taste of port, a saviour’s cause
    Ready to highlight what I’ve been fighting for
    With grace a short fall, I’ll paint my steps
    Walking this high wire and not fainted yet
    This is a fate for pests and the grateful dead
    Sharing only with myself this shameful quest
    A plaintive threat hums through a factory drill
    Waiting to see how they react when passion is killed
    Practicing until the action is real, cracking the seal
    Regimented drudgery sapping my will
    With eyes fashioned from steel, resolve weak
    Nightmares make me forget I was sold dreams
    My soul seems to have become lost in the post
    Life goals changing often to soften the blow
    Such rough syllables caught in my throat
    Losing out on the punch line of this torturous joke
    I want to be more than a spoke on a capitalist wheel
    Want to wave my gun as a savage on a hill
    Cashing in my skill set for a grasp at change
    Dance in the shadow of Sam’s hand as he casts the blame
    An American smiles tars the frame, matches lit
    To burn down an empire built on sham and spit
    I’ll stand and kick until the tune sits with the whistles
    Chew this bone to the fat, teeth kissing the gristle
    Lost in a vision of missiles and limbs splayed west
    Gods got it in for me, but I haven’t prayed yet
    Looking for a frayed death, knife in my claw
    Smile etched on my face, blood fighting the wall
    Too tired for war, without the tongue to speak straight
    Waiting for a lock to be opened by this keys weight
    Marxist teachings on a thief’s face that I can’t keep safe
    Bullets ricochet off vehicles in this dream scape
    Feeling like a freed slave I start running the taps
    Eyes rolling back lightly, the sun in my lap
    Humming the sound track, I’m putting my life right
    The veins in my eyelids providing my night light
    It’s always the shy type; I pick up the razor blade
    Pick out the coxcomb threads in the water, days just fade
    Cradle pain in my wrist, dig deeper, another lost soul
    To what could’ve been,


    Signed


    Lee Harvey Oswald

    You have the chance to time travel to the past to stop one thing that could possibly alter the future.. What would you go back to change.. Why would you change it, and how do u think it would affect the future..
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  4. Muti

    Muti I just write

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    I need an extension...I just got home from a Gospel celebration and I have spent so much energy praising God that I am hoping you will allow me to write my word in the am. God bless you
    test
  5. Muti

    Muti I just write

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    This was suppose to be longer but I just didn't have enough time thie week to really put in the effort...but I don't no show so here is what i have..



    Forgive his sins Lord that is the way he use to live..
    It started pre-snake, before the elimination of his rib..
    trained in deception, to complex for one human's mind..
    or inception where your dreams are intertwined..
    led by the blind, astray from laws of Moses..
    changed our lives from right to living atrocious..
    hocus pocus, we have been in hypnosis for all wrong..
    we will fall for anything, instead of standing strong..
    we provoke murder, and the accomplices are set free..
    Just because they snitch and their released in agreement..
    Its not beyond our amazement, most don't even understand..
    There is no difference in slavery or the Ku Klux Klan..
    Its the human flesh, easily swayed by the devil..
    Not knowing that we are giving up hope for the next level..
    The afterlife of perfection, one thing that will never change..
    when we give our souls to the devil for what in exchange?
    A little fame, some money and maybe a lady or two..
    feels good but the demon only lies, cheats and betrays you..
    Esacping could be few, but as servants we spread the word..
    then the truth sets you free, but most just haven't heard..
    we know not all souls will be saved, destruction of a lifetime.
    Is started with one man, Adam..and we all belong in his lifeline


    Pick an important character from the Bible. Write his/her story
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  6. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
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    one of his best i've read.

    my vote goes to nom, for obvious reasons ...

    [turn] ...
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  7. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    i dont think billy will be able to see this bc im on his ignore list..

    billy-fucking great mate! that shit was straight, fucking fantastic multi rhyming story was well developed. i might have seen one miss type or mis use of a multi in there but i got it
    i wasnt confused. fucking deep, but its difficult for me to comprehend the topic u didnt elaborate well enough on how u can change the future or what would change. maybe im just stupid because i dont know the history on oswald really

    Muti- glad your gettin the fire in your life, not only has this league elevated your talents
    the lord will also expand your horizons! sad u got to sign out ;( but as for your verse
    every thing about it was actually better then what u'v done, flow was better, word choice was clear, real solid piece, only gripe i have about it is your concept wasnt thought out into detail, u kinda seemed to just throw in fact it was about adam, although if u read close u mention the rib and the serpent into your verse early on, youd have to be familiar with the bible to catch that.

    lyrically nom got talent but as a story, although what it was about "the bible" may be over a lot of heads i understood and muti's verse was better technically wise.
    it played all the aspects of story telling ei:setting, theme, character, climax, ending twist.

    vote -muti
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  8. billy nomates.

    billy nomates. rain cancels play.

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    test
  9. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Nu' - your vote won't count unless you give it a proper feedback


    Nom - A solid verse here. You delivered this with a consistent flow and a good use of rhymes. The imagery was good here and there was a level of complexity that was in here that was good and refreshing. Your love of poetry speaks to me through this. Nicely down.

    Fave line -
    "I’ll stand and kick until the tune sits with the whistles
    Chew this bone to the fat, teeth kissing the gristle
    Lost in a vision of missiles and limbs splayed west
    Gods got it in for me, but I haven’t prayed yet"


    Muti -This was a good verse and i wish you had time to finish it. It had a lot of potential and was pretty entertaining. I could tell how you left things out from here which did take away from it but as you explained, you were strapped for time and don't no show, which i appreciate.

    Fave line -
    "led by the blind, astray from laws of Moses..
    changed our lives from right to living atrocious..
    hocus pocus, we have been in hypnosis for all wrong..
    we will fall for anything, instead of standing strong.."


    Overall a good match, I wish Muti had time to complete this but still a good verse from him but Nom took this with a more complete verse

    v/ Nom
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  10. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
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    Nom - the imagery and the way you strung this piece together just felt incredibly fluid and I love your choice of language selection. the only real down side to this piece for me is the fact that the connection of what you were leading up to at the end didn't really add anything to the verse for me.

    muti - I get that this was rushed, but lines like this just seem really out of place "hocus pocus, we have been in hypnosis for all wrong.." the ending of it just doesn't make any sense and the hocus pocus, while it continues your rhyme doesn't actually fit any part of what you're talking about. There were other grammatical and basic mechanical flaws throughout the piece that a once over read through could help you avoid. All in all not bad for what it was, but definitely not enough to beat Nom this week.

    vote = Nom.
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  11. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    nom - really enjoyed this verse. the imagery and the story telling shown here was superb. you were able to keep a nice rhyme scheme going, with a good string of multis flowing. the flow was great on this. really not anything i can knock about this. great verse. you're really one of the best writers in the league and i think you may be the only person who can knock off Sho at this point.

    muti - liked the verse and liked the direction you were taking this. had it been longer, and more developed, this would have made the battle very close. the rhyme scheme was good, the flow was nice. the message of the verse was cool, how were "all related". i was digging it. not surprise you chose the religion topic, lol.

    vote - nom
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  12. Murderous Keys

    Murderous Keys All's well that ends

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    Nom - Once again you have managed to give us readers something enjoyable to read. The way you are able to tell a story creativly is above most. You are quite the wordsmith. The wording placement is great as-well as your vocab. The your flow and single line flow is what seperates you from most in this league.....But What I enjoy most is again your wording, (Must be a british thing) anyway, Your verses come across very Intellectual. The story was very interesting too. Overall a great read, Thanks.

    Muti - This too was a great verse, but it was too short to be anything but 2nd in this match. You were certainly on the path of a great verse. Of course the story was great, you have very well-rounded skills. Flow was good. But only thing I'd say that could be worked on is the wording at times it seemed either rushed or elementary. Either way still was a good read and was heading into the correct direction.

    Vote- Nom, Overall just a great verse.
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  13. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

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    Nom - impeccable verse. Flow and structure were so fliud and easy to follow. story wise this wasn't as good as your previous, but still an awesome piece of work. not much to say except it was really well written.

    Muti - I really wish you had went all the way with this piece and not been crunched for time. I liked where you were going and the ideas you brought forth had so much potential. Had your verse been longer and a little more to it in the way of story, this would have been a much closer match. great works still. I hope you return to the league shortly man. great verse, but not enough this week


    V/ Nom
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  14. Scrolls-Oracle of Omen

    Scrolls-Oracle of Omen *DBS*--*A.B.C*

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    Nom..I liked this alot. Ur imagery was dope as hell brah. Flow was nice, multis were nice. Nice story overall man.

    Muti...was ok. Liked what u had...too bad u couldn't finish. I was on the same boat this week. Decent though man...

    Vote...rapmusic.nom
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  15. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
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    Nom-
    When I first read through this the words Tyrant and Freed Slaves made me think of Lincoln. So when you ended with Oswald I was confused.

    So to fully appreciate your verse I looked up info on him and am very impressed.

    That's is powerful writing ability and skill to bring an idea to fruition.

    Also you are able to convey an attitude with your words, cheeky.

    You express your wit easily. The rhymes do what they are supposed.

    Imagery sometime a bit hackneyed but the delivery is your saving grace.
    This was smart, well executed, sharp.

    Muti-
    Your flow of words improved a lot from just last week. It was more natural and the expanded vocabulary was neat to see. A good germ of an idea that showed signs of being interesting. You have that ability to make people reflect some on values.

    Esacping could be few, but as servants we spread the word..
    then the truth sets you free, but most just haven't heard..

    That's you Muti! Some of your lines do something that Nom's don't. You hit on some other level then just intellect or appreciation of skill. Be healthy.

    Vote - Nom
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  16. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    nom wins 6-1.
    5- -3 after deductions
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