[Week 8] [Championship] C. .:Pain:. (6-1) vs 2. L. Kross (3-1)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, May 25, 2009.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    [​IMG]



    WEEK 8



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.​
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  2. L. Kross

    L. Kross His Highness

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2000
    Messages:
    23,273
    Fit To Die

    Let me introduce you to a couple of thieves, runnin the streets
    My brother an me, do any an everything for a couple of Gs
    ..... An struggle to keep heat up where we sleep
    Nothin to eat, call me a rat, but Ill beat you up for ya cheese
    Trust an believe, we dont know fear other than He
    But struggle wit greed so much that we'll plug you for green
    ...... Choppin up soap to go an hustle the fiends
    In the hustle we trust, an thats all the muscle we need
    In these streets all night, if I do tumble to sleep,
    My hopes have been crushed, Im too humble to dream
    Jungle is mean, lemme introduce you to the way that I pass it
    So angry an mad, she the only dame thatll have it
    Get her ass kicked, twisted an sprained on the matress
    An still love me, just cry through the pain an the sadness
    This is madness, shes more worried Ill be lain in a casket
    Wish she hated me
    Itd make it easier for the way that she catch it
    But ecstatic is always how she faces the savage
    My hatred is snappin, in agony regular pain is relaxin
    Imagine havin nothin when havin everything is ya passion
    The strains just a fraction of the shame of my actions
    .... Caged an Im trapped in, the shit is gettin worse
    News I got next had me like Im sittin in a hearse
    So stiff, it hit my nerves soon as her lips was gettin pursed
    "Im three months pregnant," In six, she givin birth
    Im in no position, its no work. Im still a kid, Im still a jerk
    I walk the fence, dodgin bids, knockin niggas in the dirt
    But Im suspended with the vision when I listened to her first
    Feel imprisoned in the instance, try an get it inta words
    .... It was a very long six months with no complications
    Waters breakin, on the kitchen floor she started shakin
    Baby fathas racin to the doc an patients,
    Got her top sedations while they operatin
    The room in a gasp just as soon as she snaps
    Knew she was pullin her last, then her heart fully collapsed
    Already gave her blood, so I knew Im a match
    Go to the bathroom, then you hear a boom an a blast
    .... Cause everytime a thug dies, a dove flies away
    I found somethin that Ill die for wit a wide smilin face
    For the two lives I saved its a small price to pay,
    Im glad I knew you for a minute in my final day.

    A man who has nothing to die for isnt fit to live.
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  3. .:Pain:.

    .:Pain:. Futurely J. Keeper

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2005
    Messages:
    10,368
    ^Lmao. That's got to be the best verse I've seen from you, and you drop it against me. *smh*. Good luck, but I think I'm the one that needs it, lol.




    I've traveled many roads; many paths have felt my feet,
    I've battled many foes, came back to tell my piece,
    Ain't a man that knows hell like me,
    I've died many times to escape the cell I weaved...

    ...Each circumstance was a strand in the quilt,
    The standards and wills were underhandedly built,
    Each would breed another fabric of life,
    Whether disastrous strife, or new paths to the light,
    Two bags and a pipe, the moon passes us by,
    Or I'm sittin' with my writtens, spittin' passin' the time,
    It was a silk and a wool kind of pattern of weave,
    Didn't matter to me, if it helped trap in the heat,
    But I became irritated from the latter of the two,
    Little rashes formed a wound, more scratchin' oughta do,
    As each comforter resembled less of its name,
    I fell to my knees, began to tremble with pain,
    Covered in my blankets, cold as pure steel,
    I began to search for that old secure feel,
    The life I had lived, and the strands of its mesh,
    Had hampered my breath like a cancerous chest,
    The strings of my quilt were woven with care,
    Produced of the moments I was openly scared,
    And nobody cared, I would sit with my pins,
    Weaving protection from the shit that I live,
    The life I lived made me wanna just hide,
    Pull the blanket over me until I lost it or died,
    But death made me put all caution aside,
    And pull blanket the down to see what I fought with my eyes,
    Past all the fabric and the woven strands,
    I saw life like a child who didn't know we're damned...

    ...I built a prison out of linens woven over my eyes,
    Thought confronting life was a hopeless design,
    But those quilts were the cocoon to the steps I rehearse,
    And continue in the cycle of death and rebirth...

    ...Just, to open my eyes, I had to die,
    My life, was a woven disguise, and now my eyes
    have sight, I'm hopeful of life,
    Cuz I died, now my soul is alive, now my soul alive...

    “Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see.” - Helen Keller ​
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  4. hYpOconDriAdIcT

    hYpOconDriAdIcT New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    839
    wow this was really tough.. both of you had a real strong showing and at the same time both verses were really different... lemme break it down.

    L. Kross:
    very lyrical, you never strayed from the topic and every bar was on point.. to me it looked like more of a rap verse.. it flowed really well.. at least when i said it out loud to myself.. dont kno if u would spit it the same way tho, regaurdless it was well put together.

    Let me introduce you to a couple of thieves, runnin the streets
    My brother an me, do any an everything for a couple of Gs
    ^^^ got my attention wit the opener

    So angry an mad, she the only dame thatll have it
    Get her ass kicked, twisted an sprained on the matress
    An still love me, just cry through the pain an the sadness
    This is madness, shes more worried Ill be lain in a casket
    Wish she hated me
    ^^^ liked wut u did there

    My hatred is snappin, in agony regular pain is relaxin
    Imagine havin nothin when havin everything is ya passion
    ^^^ nice bar right there

    .... It was a very long six months with no complications
    Waters breakin, on the kitchen floor she started shakin
    Baby fathas racin to the doc an patients,
    Got her top sedations while they operatin
    The room in a gasp just as soon as she snaps
    Knew she was pullin her last, then her heart fully collapsed
    Already gave her blood, so I knew Im a match
    Go to the bathroom, then you hear a boom an a blast
    .... Cause everytime a thug dies, a dove flies away
    I found somethin that Ill die for wit a wide smilin face
    For the two lives I saved its a small price to pay,
    Im glad I knew you for a minute in my final day.
    ^^^ i know thats alot but i loved the way this ended.. good shit

    Pain:
    you also nailed this.. in a totally different way which makes this hard to judge.. u were more on the poetic side of things and u sold ur topic well.. the absolutly only thing i could say about ur verse is that at times it coulda had a better flow.. and again i dont know how u woulda spit it but reading it is the only way i can judge it.. altho in this piece i felt the content almost made up for that.

    Each would breed another fabric of life,
    Whether disastrous strife, or new paths to the light,
    Two bags and a pipe, the moon passes us by
    Or I'm sittin' with my writtens, spittin' passin' the time
    ^^^ great bars dude..

    Covered in my blankets, cold as pure steel,
    I began to search for that old secure feel,
    The life I had lived, and the strands of its mesh,
    Had hampered my breath like a cancerous chest
    ^^^ very nice

    ...Just, to open my eyes, I had to die,
    My life, was a woven disguise, and now my eyes
    have sight, I'm hopeful of life,
    Cuz I died, now my soul is alive, now my soul alive...
    ^^^ great way to close.. this tied everything in

    like i said this was rediculous to have to choose between these 2 verses lol but im gonna give it to L. Kross by an eyelash lol i just felt his verse a lil more.. i think ya'll were about even on content but i think L. Kross' flo was a tad more consistent... good shit fellas.

    Vote - L. Kross
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  5. sub.ZERO.freez

    sub.ZERO.freez o/

    Joined:
    May 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,057
    Fuck.

    Both verses were top notch.

    Kross - Rhyme scheme was great; flow of the piece worked well for me; but it was when the plot shifted to the emotional instances where it really spoke to me most:

    Imagine havin nothin when havin everything is ya passion
    The strains just a fraction of the shame of my actions
    .... Caged an Im trapped in, the shit is gettin worse
    News I got next had me like Im sittin in a hearse
    So stiff, it hit my nerves soon as her lips was gettin pursed
    "Im three months pregnant," In six, she givin birth
    Im in no position, its no work. Im still a kid, Im still a jerk
    I walk the fence, dodgin bids, knockin niggas in the dirt
    But Im suspended with the vision when I listened to her first
    Feel imprisoned in the instance, try an get it inta words


    The admission of the faults and insecurities here made the story more believable and real to me. Loved this part.

    .... Cause everytime a thug dies, a dove flies away
    I found somethin that Ill die for wit a wide smilin face
    For the two lives I saved its a small price to pay,
    Im glad I knew you for a minute in my final day.


    Played out like some sort of movie. Loved the feeling of resolution (or at least peace) in the final bars here.

    Pain - I agree with Wordz in that your verse was much more poetic to me. Just some of the images that I caught blew me away. The whole verse captured the quote for me.

    I've traveled many roads; many paths have felt my feet,
    I've battled many foes, came back to tell my piece,
    Ain't a man that knows hell like me,
    I've died many times to escape the cell I weaved...


    Opener really caught my eye here. Nice way to bring the reader into the piece.

    The life I had lived, and the strands of its mesh,
    Had hampered my breath like a cancerous chest,
    The strings of my quilt were woven with care,
    Produced of the moments I was openly scared,
    And nobody cared, I would sit with my pins,
    Weaving protection from the shit that I live,


    Again, really poetic here. Like Kross I feel the verse comes alive with the admission of fear and other insecurities.

    ...I built a prison out of linens woven over my eyes,
    Thought confronting life was a hopeless design,
    But those quilts were the cocoon to the steps I rehearse,
    And continue in the cycle of death and rebirth...


    Can't say much more than damn these were the lines of the battle to me.

    Both verses were amazing. Where Pain stumbled in flow, he made up with sheer lyrical ability. Kross' verse was great though.

    Vote - Pain.
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  6. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
    Messages:
    480
    L.Kross - great mechanics always your strong point and I'm glad that shined through this week. Excellent introduction. Loved the line: "But struggle wit greed so much that we'll plug you for green...... Choppin up soap to go an hustle the fiends" and "Imagine havin nothin when havin everything is ya passion. The strains just a fraction of the shame of my actions"
    And the way you painted the reaction and suspense of hearing the news that your girl is pregnant was quite superb. And love how you used the concept of a conflict between maintaining your old criminal life and struggling with the transition of fatherhood and you feeling kind of trapped by the circumstance, you know what bit I mean yeah?:
    "Im in no position, its no work. Im still a kid, Im still a jerk
    I walk the fence, dodgin bids, knockin niggas in the dirt
    But Im suspended with the vision when I listened to her first
    Feel imprisoned in the instance, try an get it inta words"
    And then the way you moved on to describe the complications of the pregnancy and how you sacrificed your own life to save your baby and the mother of your child, and so you died a proud man which is what you were always struggling to become. A real bitter sweet story, which was well put together, combined with a great use of unique concepts backed up with a strong rhyme scheme. Yeah so pretty rubbish really, I wouldn't read it again. haha.

    Pain - this again was a strong introduction with a nice Pain "flow" to it,a great example of what I mean is: "Two bags and a pipe, the moon passes us by, Or I'm sittin' with my writtens, spittin' passin' the time" Your beginning lines set the scence well and to me painted the image of an oxymoron: a naive but experienced guy, who's had his fair share of ups and downs. A real deep piece and thought-provoking too. I thought your mechanics were good, as for the rhyme scheme, I feel L.Kross's scheme is somewhat more appealing, but your unique writer's voice and the vocabulary you use is fantastic. And the metaphors you used almost throughout your verse like the "strand in the quilt" and "the fabric of life" were great and intelligent. It seems that each negative thing that happened to your character made him go more and more into his shell and he became kind of ignorant to life and scared to live it. Trapped in a denial of being if you catch my drift, a good example: "weaving protection from the shit that I live" - maybe I'm just overanalytical, but this verse was quality.

    Both verses are about death in some way, both centre their characters around dealing with inner conflicts, both had nice rhyme schemes, although I feel L.Kross's was better constructed -just a personal preference perhaps. Although the clever use of metaphors that Pain bought to his verse was pretty impressive. Close battle indeed....

    Just to be annoying - let's toss a coin....

    v - L.Kross
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  7. L. Kross

    L. Kross His Highness

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2000
    Messages:
    23,273
    lmao. i love this guy. good shit.
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  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    L. Kross - wow at how this ended..you have definitely upped in this league...nicely done...I thought the mid to end of your verse was the strongest points...you have a great flow and good rhyme... the imagery was off the hook..I thought the beginning was a tad slow but i loved this verse and as a daddy to be...it freak the f*ck outta me lol

    fav lines -

    "It was a very long six months with no complications
    Waters breakin, on the kitchen floor she started shakin
    Baby fathas racin to the doc an patients,
    Got her top sedations while they operatin"


    Pain - Great verse....I am a fan of complexity when writing a story and your verse had it all...great imagery and vocab....wow...even had a good flow...im curious to see how well your verse would be with some internal rhyming added to it...

    Fav lines -

    "Pull the blanket over me until I lost it or died,
    But death made me put all caution aside,
    And pull blanket the down to see what I fought with my eyes,"

    Overall a good freaking battle...both of you guys came hard in here this pretty much came down to being scared kind of entertainment (lol) or an overall nice read...I really didn't know which way to turn with this....

    ...............
    .............
    ..........
    ........
    ......
    ....
    ...
    ..
    .

    My vote goes to Pain....i loved the overall depth in his verse and although L. Kross was freaking sick with it...Pain was written a tad better....I'm loving the state of the league...everyone is upping they're ish hahaha
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  9. .:Pain:.

    .:Pain:. Futurely J. Keeper

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2005
    Messages:
    10,368
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  10. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2005
    Messages:
    25,669
    kross pros:
    damn. from "runnin the streets" to "humble to dream" i was loving it. flowed so precise, in the while carrying on the story to greatness. loved the use of the quote here, remarkable piece. for real.

    kross cons:
    after "too humble to dream" i thought you were trying to fit in words just to fill in the multi's. even though they were concise and clear words, they seemed forced. but it did help the story move along, so that's a plus.

    pain pros:
    this muthafucka knows which words to use, and has alot in his vocab arsenal. "i built a prison out of linens woven over my eyes ...", too fuckin' articulate and really graphical in the way you use words. i loved this piece aswell.

    pain cons:
    the only downfall i see in this is the fact that the quote you used didn't really appeal to me. it wasn't really a quote for me, it was more of a sentence. although you stayed on track like a train, my train of thought derailed reading the quote. but that is not your fault at all. not much wrong with your actual writing.

    my vote:
    i vote for Kross. it pains me to vote against pain's verse this week as it was such quality. but on the other hand, all credit to Kross for having a more appealing verse to me. brilliant stories and a perfect championship battle people ...

    [turn] ...
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  11. liquid`acid

    liquid`acid gods busy can I help you?

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2005
    Messages:
    13,603
    L kross:
    "Nothin to eat, call me a rat, but Ill beat you up for ya cheese"

    this line made me lol but at the same time sounded pretty corny, take that however you will(good or bad)

    "In the hustle we trust" <-- fuck the rest of the line, this could make a dope quote right up there with 'loyal to the coin'

    so far flow has been really on point right up to here
    "Imagine havin nothin when havin everything is ya passion"
    altho, im finding with my verse that its really diff to everyone.
    you may have a way that it it flows in yer head that im not picken up on.

    a couple lines after it also kinda seemed like you dropped yer sic rhyme scheme (with internals n shit) for a few lines but it doesnt really hurt yer verse with what you were able to add by not worrying about weather not it rhymed.

    great story too, budddy given up everything for baby mamma n a kid wasnt exactly what id expected, i was expectin somthin lil more cliche... dunno why.



    Pain:
    i like how your starting out here, reaches back to my hippy upbringing an LSD saturated past with respect to the opinion that all life is merely interwoven energy that is all connected. i kno some ppl that refer to the energy connection as
    god actually.

    your use and placement of internals is damn near prefect (havent finished reading yet so, damn near). impeccable flow an vocab throughout, altho yer... concept or w/e in relation to the quote is lost on me, but thats not yer fault, im a dunce with shit like that.

    "Covered in my blankets, cold as pure steel,
    I began to search for that old secure feel,"
    i love this style of rhyme scheme, never really realized it before but... multi word rhymes > multi syllable rhymes.


    hhhmmm this is a tough call, both tugged at ye ol' heart stringd. i liked the story behind kross's verse better but i think ima give this one to pain cuz he pulled the string that reminded me of better times in my life.

    vote = pain
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  12. L. Kross

    L. Kross His Highness

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2000
    Messages:
    23,273
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  13. Main Stream

    Main Stream The Conversensationalist

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2003
    Messages:
    184
    L.Kross:

    pretty solid verse this week man, you really brought 'em out for this champ match... solid audacious flows out the ass... a couple strong quoteables in there too, which i always tend to look for in verses... you got a real natural, punchy style and that helps with moving the piece forward and giving it direction. i also liked your tie in to the topic / quote here, not one i myself would have approached but it came off nasty... really thorough verse... i enjoyed it

    pain:

    i thik you said it urself this week that Kross brought the heat. damn. i thought you started out on thr right foot... it did get a little long in the tooth and drawn out but i stuck with it... thought the 'hopeless design' in the hook seemed thrown in there just to keep the scheme up, rather than the content. couple other instances right through this where i noticed the same too... not really a fan of that, i'd sooer see you go the oppsosite way & sacrifice the flow for content mayne... i guess you did have the emotioal edge here, but i all honesty i just enjoyed Kross' story in general a whole lot of a better read.

    vote - l. kross
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  14. Wow @ this.. I dont know how yall will feel if I vote.. whether it'll count or not.. But Wow.. Props to both of yall..
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  15. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    kross- wow. definitely the best verse i've seen from you. i didnt get the ending at first until i read the quote. damn. you killed it. tons of multis and interior rhymes. the storytelling was sick, lots of details to it. it felt like i was following the character in the story around. you also kept this short which i really liked.

    pain-you too kept this one short and to the point. totally different verses though, between you and kross. while his was more lyrical, yours was more symbolic. the only thing was, towards the end i kept losing concentration on the verse.

    i think most weeks pain would have this, but kross came out of no-where with some fuckin heat, so ima have to go with kross on this one
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  16. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    Kross wins 5-3
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