[Week 7] [Contender] 1. Pent uP(5-0) vs 2. Lyricalpriest(4-2)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Feb 28, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
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    test
  2. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
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    Release the kracken
    test
  3. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
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    24,097
    may request an extension in advance, i've been so tied up all week.
    test
  4. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
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    [​IMG]
    Unsolved Mysteries

    The sizzling sun wilts the hair on my arm
    while I'm shoveling weeds next to the blaring of cars.
    On the side of the highway, sirens and bright tape,
    a group of us slowly examine the grimiest crime space.
    There's junk weeded in plants, pieces of glass,
    briefs, leggings, pants, needles and trash
    all intertwined under my feet on this path
    that I sift through, then, put the scene into bags.

    I'm in my head, thinking that this details dangerous
    These drivers are wild and I dont see the speed rails saving us
    The roar of their engines is more than pretentious
    ITS SCARY,
    and the swarm of them's endless.
    I start with food wrappers and half eaten grub and I
    stumble across a hat with some blood inside
    Snag it, bag it, and then imagine it happen:
    A motionless head as a slap snaps into cracking
    The head's in the window frame and thrashes again,
    as it bounces off the window it flails the hat in the wind.
    Tires screech as my imagination races away
    and I continue on with the sun blazing my face.
    I'm sweating, filling these bags up in the heat,
    considering the hat as nothing to me
    when I suddenly stop in front of this troubling scene:
    It's July and there's a leather glove in the weeds.
    It's picked up, chucked in the heap with the rest
    as my thoughts envision a speedy arrest
    because the results were a positive match
    from the hospital lab for some outlaw in a shack
    I'm in awe at his tats...studying the ink like a map
    leading me to the clues, then I blink and I'm back.
    I gotta find more on this stretch...This isn't enough...
    I'm getting bored between the walking and inconspicuous stuff.
    We're almost at the off-ramp and our hearts are going now
    because its a tight turn and the cars aren't slowing down.
    I've almost got enough to tie it off and seal it
    when I see a glimmer from a shiny, blunt and steaming
    ...bludgeon...gray pole, next to crusty, stained clothes
    Finally! something that'll shut this case closed
    I let out a heavy sigh; this is retarded.. and its scolding..
    the thing's too heavy for the garbage bag I'm holding
    I bring it back to the the truck, hand the clues to a person,
    grab another bag, and continue fruitlessly working.
    Day dreaming the same mean things through; with the burden
    of counting the hours to the end of my community service.
    I could care less about the scene, horrid victim,
    the cop's promotion or even if a report is written.
    This mandatory sentence is something I quietly hope to get done
    ...I'm just going to clean the side of the road and head on.
    test
  5. patrown

    patrown student for life

    Joined:
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    murderreerrrr!! damnit pent, why you gotta mess with me all the time.

    just sounds too smooth. at the same time, effortless.
    like these 2..
    I'm in awe at his tats...studying the ink like a map
    leading me to the clues, then I blink and I'm back.

    simply spoken/effective ...
    test
  6. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    404
    Wow, loved it. It was fast paced & the rhyming was near perfect
    Right from the off I was there, I really enjoy your discriptions
    heres a few examples.

    The sizzling sun wilts the hair on my arm
    while I'm shoveling weeds next to the blaring of cars


    Instantly planted the scene in my mind.

    Snag it, bag it, and then imagine it happen:
    A motionless head as a slap snaps into cracking


    Nice

    from the hospital lab for some outlaw in a shack
    I'm in awe at his tats...studying the ink like a map


    Really loved the 2nd line, 'ink like a map' top notch.

    These were only a few examples, as i really enjoyed this
    piece as a whole & im only sorry to see yet again you
    have faced a no-show, the first of which I am sorry for.

    Anyways nice job.
    test
  7. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2008
    Messages:
    76,203
    test
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