[Week 6] [Championship] C. Mc Guttso (5-0) vs 2. Soull (2-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, May 11, 2009.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    [​IMG]



    WEEK 6



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.
    TOPICS ARE IN THE MAG

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  2. Soull

    Soull New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2008
    Messages:
    506
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  3. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
    Messages:
    480
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  4. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

    Joined:
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    The obsession of youth verses the wisdom of age,
    The impression of truth puts the system to shame,
    The transgression I crave is those heavenly gates,
    I’m the popular suppression of a burdensome pain,
    You wanna be reminiscent of a name on a page?
    Time is of the essence look at the way it decays,
    I’ll be known as just a number in mortality rates,
    Swap my fragile frame; you can jump in my grave,
    Let me relive my life to change my fatal mistakes,
    But my golden days have gone society’s changed,
    They know I’m mundane old wrinkled and grey,
    I fought in the wars but they just shit on my face,
    Kids have just pissed on the magic we’ve paved,

    With eyes of hate my son promotes euthanasia,
    There’s no way I want to be floating in danger,
    To a family of freaks who treat me as a stranger,
    They say I seem befuddled in a land of fantasia,
    I can’t walk, I ache and I’m in pain with aphasia,
    Can’t talk, I’m betrayed by my child’s behaviour,
    Thought my own blood would be more than a taker,
    Pillow over my face he whispers: “Meet your maker”
    I choke, my throat feels cold, but I feel much safer,
    As my soul slowly drifts off to this brighter chamber,

    I saved my hollow life that I left behind,
    To let my own tales of heavens unwind
    And to keep the peace in my fragile mind...
    But I’m afraid I'll swallow the crimes in these sands of time
    So you can follow the loving lines in these hands of mine.
    …..
    Doctor: “That’s it we’ve lost him…”



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  5. Soull

    Soull New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2008
    Messages:
    506
    The Journey

    Above the clouds, a land that is vast
    Rolling hills with harsh mountains contrast
    An ever-shining sun, no sense of time passed
    Natures unmarred landscapes unsurpassed
    Long road ahead, and an even longer past
    In this world, I am the first, I am the last.

    ---------

    In this world I have no sense of direction or location
    Its not a journey for there is no start nor destination
    Some may see this as a life of desperation or isolation
    I see this as eternal salvation needing no explanation

    ---------

    There wasn't a avalanche or boulder bout to fall
    In a land so immense, caught by something small
    Pressure, Dust, Placement all coinciding
    Confident step, stumbling then sliding
    Strong and solid trust quickly liquifying
    Bone jars and change in my skeletal alignment
    Graceful solitude becomes solitary confinement

    ---------

    Lying in this world, im pure,
    in mind, living in this metaphor
    I lay being taunted, trying to endure
    Of what happens next I am unsure
    I am not finished, of that im sure.

    ---------

    I must now finish the journey I started
    Journey of a lifetime,journey of the departed



    [​IMG]

    Good Luck Guttso​
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  6. Joro

    Joro New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2002
    Messages:
    5,054
    oops...I double posted by accident when I tried to edit. please delete
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  7. Joro

    Joro New Member

    Joined:
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    Well it's official in mind. This isn't a league for rappers, it's a poetry competition. No attention is paid to rhythm, and the rhyme scheme stays basic. So I'll pretend I'm in english class again.

    Guttso: You're strongest lines were the first two of the poem. Starting out, I thought, "Maybe Brits can rap after all"....but as I continued....Nah. In addition, the ideas in the first paragraph aren't linear. You've got an old man, who "craves the heavenly gates"...but at the same time he wants to be young again and "relive his life" ? Look I won't waste the reader's time and analyze the whole thing but I'll add that you ended the poem with the line, "So you can follow the loving lines in these hands of mine.".....which is weak and nonsensical as the narrator not once expressed love for anybody or anything, only regret for his own ebbing life force and resentment for his son. I can only assume the line was a failed attempt to make a meaningful connection between your piece and your chosen pic.

    Soull: Going by some of your lines like "Journey of a lifetime, journey of the departed" your goal appears to be a description of heaven. If so, the line "Long road ahead, and an even longer past" must be a mistake, as we're all gonna be in heaven for an infinitely longer time than we are on earth. Anyway I liked your image, "An ever shining sun"...fit your pic well.

    I enjoyed this poetry competition. I'm positive both competitors gave it their best. I'm not gonna say that they should've "put more thought into it" or that they should've "developed it more." We all write as we can. I'm giving my vote to Soull for having the more cogent, less pretentious piece.

    Vote - Soull

    EDIT* MODs, Guttso's poem is a perfect example of what I've been trying to tell you. He tried to write a grand narrative of aging, but what does a 20something year old kid know about aging? So it came out as fluff. Art should be a creative expression of the SOUL, of something particularly true to you, and that's what gives it power. If it's just imagination it almost always rings untrue and is meaningless. That's why topics should be chosen that are relevant to the youthful, hiphop generation....(I'm assuming everyone here is a young hiphoper)
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  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    MC Guttso – Short and to the point…it had a nice flow and a good rhyme scheme. I loved the imagry in this piece
    For example

    Time is of the essence
    look at the way it decays –
    ^^hot

    Overall a good read, it wasn’t hard to follow and kept me interested…I thought it ended a lil too soon but still good


    Soull – excellent use of this picturne…this piece sounded like it could be a riddle and I kept trying to guess wut picture u were using…I loved the descriptive nature in this piece and I thought most of your sections were great


    “Lying in this world, im pure,
    in mind, living in this metaphor
    I lay being taunted, trying to endure
    Of what happens next I am unsure
    I am not finished, of that im sure.”

    &

    “In this world I have no sense of direction or location
    Its not a journey for there is no start nor destination
    Some may see this as a life of desperation or isolation
    I see this as eternal salvation needing no explanation”
    ^^dope

    “There wasn't a avalanche or boulder bout to fall
    In a land so immense, caught by something small
    Pressure, Dust, Placement all coinciding
    Confident step, stumbling then sliding
    Strong and solid trust quickly liquifying
    Bone jars and change in my skeletal alignment
    Graceful solitude becomes solitary confinement”
    ^^I thought this was the weakest part of your piece, it wasn’t bad but I would’ve liked to see some words added in certain lines to increase the impact of delivery


    My vote goes to Soull….I loved the riddle and metaphorical delivery he portrayed and I thought this concept won him this battle

    Nicely done by both
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  9. Orange407County

    Orange407County Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2005
    Messages:
    5,358
    im pretty shocked at the voting thus far..

    my vote- guttso

    man, this verse is VERY ill, i love the story of an old school working man, veteran betrayed by life.. talks about how they think hes scenial and how hes a burden... goes real well with the pic, very deep piece...eh if you lose i would be worried about the voters here..

    soull, your verse was good, eh, flow was kinda bleh imo, i think you tried to hard to impress w/ vocab, and i think that picture was the wrong choice... i just cant get into a story of a mountain valley or whatever, it didnt intrigue me... sorry man
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  10. .:Pain:.

    .:Pain:. Futurely J. Keeper

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2005
    Messages:
    10,368
    Guttso - First off, the relation to the topic was extremely dope. The opening stanza was incredibly dope, especially the rhyme scheme. It was far beyond what I've come to expect from you in that respect. The writing was dope, the writer's voice was as natural as could be too. The only problem I have with your verse is that I wish you developed not only the relationship between the man and his family more, but the character of the old man himself. Your verse left me desiring more in that area, and I really feel more of that would have enabled me to connect to your character's plight to a greater degree. Overall, one of you best showings, IMO.

    Soull - I'm not really sure if you were talking about the creation of heaven or the creation of earth here. I think there was a little too much ambiguous language apparent in the verse, and it made the message very unclear. The rhyme scheme was ok, rather simplistic, and the flow was as on and off as could be. Overall, nothing about this verse made me satisfied, or projected a theme, or provided for a fulfilling story or perspective. You should have developed this a bit more, maybe added another stanza which wasn't so ambiguous to give the reader a clearer picture of what you were trying to project.

    Vote - Guttso. I'm with Orange on this one, I have no idea how these people are voting the way they are...
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  11. L. Kross

    L. Kross His Highness

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2000
    Messages:
    23,208
    Guttso - Very deep piece, well worded. Had some of the craziest rhyme patterns at times, an the times when the schemes werent as strong, the imagery kicked in heavily. Very nice work of art.

    Soull - Good picture painted. Real good descriptives, Im feelin the mystique. Rhyme schemes were pretty solid too, except through this one part in the beginning

    An ever-shining sun, no sense of time passed
    Natures unmarred landscapes unsurpassed
    Long road ahead, and an even longer past

    great story tellin, good imagery. it is powerful, but those rhymes are homophones, which means they sound the same. You probably got points off in some peoples votes for that, I dont know, I didnt read the explanations, just the votes an summaries.

    I thought it was a good battle, I see how both heads are gettin voted for, I dont think its unreasonable to vote either way, some aspects appeal to some more than others, they both had cool verses. I think that Souls verse was a lil more imaginative, very strong descriptions, good picture painted, but Guttso's of course was deeper, you guys were on the same subject almost, but approached it completely different. The life I lived, Im more leaned to Guttso's approach, but I can see some preferin Souls.

    Besides the area of opinion which vibe you felt more, technically, guttso had the superior mechanics, cleaner rhyme schemes, more syllabol rhymes, internal schemes.

    Vote - Guttso good match fellas
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  12. The_K3

    The_K3 ^Secksi^

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2005
    Messages:
    29,265
    soul - verse was ok to be honest i thought the rhyming was very basic and the journey didnt do it for me. u had some alright ideas there


    In this world I have no sense of direction or location
    Its not a journey for there is no start nor destination
    Some may see this as a life of desperation or isolation
    I see this as eternal salvation needing no explanation

    this was the only part i really vibed with


    gutso - i like this, schemes were on point

    With eyes of hate my son promotes euthanasia,
    There’s no way I want to be floating in danger,
    To a family of freaks who treat me as a stranger,
    They say I seem befuddled in a land of fantasia
    ,
    I can’t walk, I ache and I’m in pain with aphasia,
    Can’t talk, I’m betrayed by my child’s behaviour,

    liked this part alot


    i thi nk the end could have been stronger as ur opening was very strong.


    overall great verse

    votet guttso




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  13. liquid`acid

    liquid`acid gods busy can I help you?

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2005
    Messages:
    13,603
    guttso:
    like your opening lines, good imagery and word play. flow i on point thru out


    "To a family of freaks who treat me as a stranger,
    They say I seem befuddled in a land of fantasia,"

    i liked this, aaahh that was good movie. lol srry i got nothen constructive for ya.



    soull:
    i like your first two stanzas, reminds me of good times up on the mountains.

    3rd stanzas describes back country skiing to the T, loven that
    4th one sorta has a diff vibe to it the rest of your verse, not liken it as much

    gunna give this one to soull for tuggen at ye ol' heart strings
    vote = soull
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  14. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    Guttso wins 4-3
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