[Week 6] 7. doYen(1-0) vs 8. Breathless(2-3)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Feb 20, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Feb 25, 2008


    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
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    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
  2. breathlesss

    breathlesss Registered Sex Offender

    Jul 28, 2011
    Losing You is Losing It

    Going once, going twice, sold, to the first person on the right!
    You've just won my stolen soul,
    not that it didn't serve me so many nights in a row...
    so often, at times, I thought if we broke it I'd die.
    Then it did, and I didn't, now that I know what's on my side,
    and what isn't, when it all came crashing at one minute 'til twelve.
    Mid-night, with swellin' hearts and hopeless emotions,
    everytime I hear papa roach's one last kiss, I become sullen.

    Swollen with regretful tears, but, if it didn't happen,
    then you'd be here, lost with me, crossin' streets to playgrounds.
    Stayin' out and awake 'til the stars've shown their vibrance,
    fallen, and given rise to the beauty and silence of a new day's clouds.
    Clay, then ground, and onto grass, underneath moonlight,
    shrouded in chance, abound in the glance, caught in the eyes.
    Goin' out on a branch, thoughtless was I, but now it's advanced
    passed past activities, yet still, I sit dormant, willfully.

    Why can't I be a man and stand up, face what is killin' me?
    It's as if I'm absorbed in the stance of living without civilty.
    A billion things have flashed through my concious mind.
    One out of twenty or more're positive on the conscience line graph,
    grafted with the passion of all that I once had.
    How can i go from genius to fool with dunce cap?
    So obvious for all to see, but I have to ask...
    ...why am I still held in such high regard,
    and to so many...
    ...when I'm really just another fall to be?

    I thought I'd see it last, but no,
    my problems ain't just all in the past
    they're caught in the act the present plays
    for every stable future role
    but who would know?
    goin' through the motions on a false path
    I fall back an' heal wounds
    yet won't ever be able to suture souls

    The present never seemed to be forever,
    for so long -
    as when i was in your presence,
    held in your arms.
    I have yet to meet a second since we left
    when it started with a shot in the dark.
    And although I may've pulled that trigger quicker than I meant to do.
    Still I'm glad for all the things in what I said to you.

    I just don't think you can understand, now,
    just how happy that you'd made me.
    You're the being that would've made me numb,
    from all the sad things currently, an' I'm not pain free
    It's awfully grand, we had our paths cross...
    ...as they did, the fast pulse came
    as you walked passed, faded in a small black shirt...
    ...with the aura of an old soul, but all that blurred.
    It was sorta like the mold broke when falling to earth,
    absorbing the full force, yea, that's how it occurred.

    Now it's absurd, it's out to the world,
    I can't hide a smile that was wider than the curve on horizons.
    Heaven served me a divine one,
    but beauty's in the eye of the mindful.
    I'm told, you can view it without light behind blindfolds.
    Even with my eyes closed, I can see it in vibrant colors.
    I believed in a self recovery, it's true,
    you are she who helped uncover me, you.
  3. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Apr 12, 2000
    Breathless man this was a very emotional, personal love story full of emotion and riddle in rhyme. not bad at all man..
  4. breathlesss

    breathlesss Registered Sex Offender

    Jul 28, 2011
  5. Morbidiction

    Morbidiction New Member

    Sep 24, 2010
    Poeticness breathless, the way you wrapped it up in the end just kinda really put an exclamation point to it. I felt like the flow got choppy on a few occasions but I think some of the intended effect would be sacrificed for improved flow. Nice drop man.
  6. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Feb 25, 2008
    Breath wins
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