[Week 6] 13. Sign7(0-0) vs 14. Patrown(0-0) vs 15. PharCyzE(0-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Feb 20, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
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    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
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    VOTING


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  2. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    In. Good luck to both of you.
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  3. Morbidiction

    Morbidiction New Member

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    [​IMG]

    Why this?

    Pros and cons of roads been on got me blindly stuck here pacin’…
    Go it strong after woe and wrong? My mind is fuckin’ racin’…
    Corrupt and tasteless, gingerly sweet, the line is microscopic…
    Nothing makes these visions unique so why do I cry and try to stop it?...
    I lay my hand in a lion’s paw-print, illusions stir…
    Whatever my mind’s concoctin’, I must stop when the truth’s a blur…

    …This must stop…

    The Mayans got this…big misunderstanding, defiant I try and deny it…
    My math is fucked too; but we won’t die when I get tired of tryin’ to like it…*****
    Yet I undeniably feel this shit silently, aches, pains, plus I’m distraught…
    I see things, visions, faces, my chest aches, just from the thought…
    Disgust…it’s my fault, I painted this picture…
    The choice was never mine as if my fate was blood-stained into scripture…
    You’ve often been my harbinger of hate, my sweet lady in black…
    Now when I close my eyes your sweet lips leave my anger vaguely intact…
    I’m shamed, see, in fact I no longer feel any passion, at all…
    I feel no known human emotion but sadness, at all…
    You’re always there though, through madness you crawl…
    Fillin’ every wakin’ minute with terrors of some calamitous fall…
    You damage and claw at every shred left I know…
    That makes one of my heads get some hope…
    Then it’s dead, just a joke, melancholy and I are forever companions…
    I’m better at crammin’ to entice my mind into a clever expansion…
    Than I am at decipherin’ the fuckin’ depression you cause…
    Why you make me feel like every sentence I speak is an irrelevant clause?...
    Why you make me feel like I won’t survive the silence of night?...
    Why I always arise with a knife when I try and I try to live pious and right?...

    …It’s always the same…

    Happiness was never a choice on this journey of shit…
    I face my life with the faces of life I’ve furnished it with.


    ***** For those 2012 doomsayers, it's just a verse, don't get up in arms trying to prove we all gonna die.
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  4. Morbidiction

    Morbidiction New Member

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  5. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    Requesting an extension.. please.
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  6. Morbidiction

    Morbidiction New Member

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    werd, s'all good pat
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  7. BarZ.

    BarZ. Over Everything

    Joined:
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    quick dash to the side, defies - despite how the earth crumbles
    it's apparent he's fearless, cautious not 2 make the first stumble
    this mysterious master crafted of magic n miraculous tactics
    encounter'd a savage of abnormal practice with insanity habits
    .
    .
    Free to cause pain n havoc.. tore from the pokeball prison
    his stance is impermeable.. eyes portray a different vision
    every step, my foot sinks deeper inside the foundation
    the intensity looms of death along w/ the anticipation
    .

    blink of an eye, shattered rib-cage from the smite of his anger
    Life in danger.. Manage a Blow - Re-Form'em to a Cycloptic Nature
    hand 2 hand combat.. distinguishing the best of evil clashin
    palms form nuclear crashes with transparent energy action
    mixed atomic blast's.. turns vegetation into toxic ashes
    lucario split till his eyes pulled away in abnormal fashions
    the torment practice.. creates pain - enormous, massive
    ironically subsiding the agony.. soon as the blow's imagined
    stare deeply in his soul as if pupils were strap'd-in..
    groom'd n satin.. told my foe - your an evil advocate; Humbly Laughin...!
    his eyes burned n a fiery action..
    that must be his achilles heel - i started attack'n
    felt the pressure of multiple hitz from the distraction
    before the first one had even connected in Fashion
    his body hit the ground.. severe n swollen
    before his eyes could appear open
    i was on top of Luc - fear frozen..
    before he could jump up n the clear moment
    raising my hands to the heavens w/ open palms
    formed an intergalactic sub particled bomb
    dnt know whats right... but this.... this is wrong

    time to end this impostors existence
    outta nowhere the battles improperly ended
    huh, wait... pause, i'm back in prison
    did i fall.? hmm, did i give my best n loss.?
    than i turned astound: seen n heard an absurd sound
    ASH.? that FUCK'N CLOWN with Luc in a Ball
    PROUD, he didn't do shit, but screaming: GOTTA CATCH'EM ALL!!!









    [​IMG]
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  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Sign - This was a great concept imo. The idea and direction of this piece was good. The issue i had with it was merely due to the delivery. The flow was choppy and the wording was awkward in places that made it hard to get through some of the lines. Sometimes just re-reading the piece back aloud can help fix this issue. Good story tho


    Phar - Cool story was well but what set this apart was that it felt natural when reading. The rhymes were good as well as the flow. You proved here that you are a good writer, next thing to really do is to be a bit more creative with the story. Even though it was enjoyable, the "wow" factor is what really gets the reader going.

    V/ Phar for a better written story
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  9. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    Sign- i like the intricacies of the rhyme scheme, but when your going to do that you got to make sure it's completely flawless, and when i mean flawless i don't mean yours wasn't but as for the story development match up with the flow scheme, it seems as if the story wasn't the dictator but more the the slave, and there fore making the direction of your story less effective in this contest... some of the delivery felt repetitive and predictable but the story was unique and thoroughly enjoyable..

    PharCyze wow bro, I was like who the fuck is the "Luc" character, and then when i seen the picture i figured it all out and was really wow'd at the emotion and control of imagery and narration the final twist really tugged me into your verse making everything resonate in the end good job this week, look forward to ya later..

    vote pharcyze.
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  10. breathlesss

    breathlesss Registered Sex Offender

    Joined:
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    sign/morbid, dude, that was on the spot, i think shad and lp may've missed the flows intention, but i got it, and that shit was killin' it, the transitioning end/beginning rhymes with an absurd multisyllable "random" scheme, i saw the pattern, as for actual story though, it was highly lacking, good references to tie it to the picture, but i dunno, the storytelling side didn't capture me, but topical wise there's not a whole lot of depth you can put in the 2012 thing, unless you do it with lyrical gusto, as you did...but there was some missteps...

    You’ve often been my harbinger of hate, my sweet lady in black…
    Now when I close my eyes your sweet lips leave my anger vaguely intact
    I’m shamed, see, in fact I no longer feel any passion, at all…
    I feel no known human emotion but sadness, at all…

    killer lines here, bolded some of the hidden end/beginning rhymes, but, why use sweet, and "at all" twice? unless you were going for a repeating cycle type of 2012 theme, with the doubling near the end too, if so tho it wasn't prominent enough for me...
    but then after that was fire with the lyricals

    over all real nice


    phar -
    i just really wasn't feelin' this too much, the first quartrain, i was like alright, this is gonna be good, then the rhyming words were fairly simple, expected almost...got a "packin' the mack in the back a' the ac" feel... the multis were lacking, greatly in comparison to sign's, but granted, you did have more "perfect rhymes", fashion, action, clashin', etc...it was just really simple, and the story wasn't anything special either, not a terrible piece, but, nothing really stood out much

    Vote = Sign
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  11. BarZ.

    BarZ. Over Everything

    Joined:
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  12. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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