[Week 53] [Champ] C. ShadowWarriorfs(33-16) vs 2. S. Issue(7-3)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Apr 6, 2010.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSES

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
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    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
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    •If your opponent fails to show, you are still accountable for voting on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match and labeling the CHAMP and CONTENDER respectively!!!
    •Votes posted AFTER DEADLINE will NOT COUNT!!!
    •Voting is open to PARTICIPANTS, RSTL MODERATORS, and PAST CHAMPIONS ONLY!!!
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    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    NASTY- LyRiKaLxLoRd
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    test
  3. S. Issue

    S. Issue Who?

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    908
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  4. S. Issue

    S. Issue Who?

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    908
    Ayo, I'm going to try to post tonight. No guarantees. If I can't make it, tomorrow by 2PM okay?
    test
  5. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Sure



    Why Me?

    [​IMG]

    Things started off great when we met
    Dreamed of love yet my mind hasn't slept
    She was light skinned with a slim frame
    Supple hips with lips that drove me insane
    Breasts were perfect, hair a curly light brown
    She was beautiful, a popular choice around town
    However I knew something wasn’t right with her
    She asked me out with a southern accent that was quicker
    Which enticed me, suddenly stripping the will to suffer
    I didn’t want a relationship but still I fucked her

    I was deceived into conceiving a bastard child
    I asked her how she could do this, her response, “Simply to defile”
    From that moment, I knew I was trapped in her game
    Ever since his birth, she has not been the same
    Breast now sag and her frame no longer slim
    Hair has lost its zeal, as her lips remain open
    Spewing words of deformation trying to weaken my spirit
    Accusations of fornication broadcasted as my ear refuse to hear it
    This continued for weeks but I have become adept to ignoring
    Staring silently into my face while my lungs were snoring
    Suddenly she attacked me after I had brushed her off
    Her expression had hardened and skin was no longer soft
    I pushed her and she fell violently into the furniture
    I told her “Step off bitch” hoping she would learn to mature

    She moved to her parent’s house, custody split equal
    Visitation denied for weeks, constantly in sequel
    Legally, she continued to break the custody agreement
    Yet judicially they look the other way, like they haven’t seen it
    She had the courts wrapped around her fingers
    Screwing me anally as the stench of shit lingers
    The progression of weeks has made her more psychotic
    Dark rings form under her eyes, image less exotic
    The courts continued to turn the other cheek
    My words have no effect as if they pushed mute when I speak
    One day I arrived to pick up my son
    She stood there with her arms limp and undone
    She pulled out a knife and started to dissect me
    Blood pour from my neck “Now, do you respect me?”
    She cried out as I tried to stop the bleeding
    “Why me?” I thought as my soul begins leaving…

    test
  6. S. Issue

    S. Issue Who?

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    908

    [​IMG]
    "Man is Made in His Image"

    When I’m at pearly gates, my death story to relate,
    it might take a moment to recall my final fate.
    St. Peter’s eyes will roll, though he’ll already know
    that my earthly time was defined the toughest roll—

    since birth I’ve been used, battered and bruised
    broken by my father whose leather belt caused abuse:
    the strap across my back and thighs, blackened eyes
    tearing up as he cracked my hind with his bastard mind.
    Even mother wasn’t kind; she’d learn to turn away
    as he’d strip me naked and play with my body every way
    he could recall or create. It all went on until I was eight.
    Suddenly strong, then gone— I quickly left the state.

    The time between then and now was spent in towns
    much like the one my life began in, somehow
    I always came to love a man, someone who’d stand
    tall over me, shoulder me with his love and heavy hands.
    Each fist pummeled my body, shoddy and busted wide,
    spilling blood as he fought me, stop me from gougin’ eyes.
    Suddenly, one summer day I found myself laid up sick-like,
    not able to move or brood, could barely move or take bites—
    one of them, Joe (the mason), came to me in a panic
    wishing he could take back the pain, something frantic.
    I said, “Joe, you’re not a man, you’re someone who plans
    to beat women and treat them like your own calloused hands:
    we aren’t hard as stone, though that’s how we act alone,
    so men need not try to shatter us, like glass or bone.”
    When he realized my tone, that I was serious as death,
    he folded his mitts around my throat, tried to pry open a cleft.
    His hands around my neck, my heavy breath stymied,
    all I can do is wheeze and cry, asking God— “Why me?”

    After entering the clouds, I hear a man speak aloud,
    asking me to bow down and recognize his heavenly crown—
    the Lord, God, a booming voice, I bowed with no choice
    but to listen and obey, as he came I rejoiced!
    Quickly he moved into view, but one look at his greatness
    and I knew, nothing would improve.
    God’s a Sadist.
    ___________________________________
    Good luck Shadow!


    Topic: God
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  7. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2001
    Messages:
    29,663
    I liked both of the stories portrayed here. To start, though, I don't think that picture should be allowed in the post with the verse, along with that quote. It ads a little more the verse and that picture wasn't part of the lists, neither was that quote. That's just something in my opinion, take it how you want.

    Shadow - Nice verse, and I liked where you went with it. A picture like this, I would think, should have a deep, heartfelt story to go along with it, and you went the TOTAL opposite way. Made for a great surprise, and entertaining story, tbh. Content was good, storyline/plot was good as well. Nothing about structure or flow really stood out to me. As a matter of fact, some lines didn't flow well with the rest. Syllable count was a bit high and a bit low on some. Although it's not solely about flow and structure (multies, similes, metaphors, etc.) I feel those really add to a verse, and your structure and flow were no more than good. Again, story was nice, and a very believable story which makes me think you MAY have encountered something like this.. lol (sorry to lol @ that if it's true)

    S. Issue - You had a pretty nice verse as well. I struck the picture and beginning quote from the verse entirely, and went with the "God" and "Why Me?" topics. Your flow stood out a little more, and you had a nice set of multies here and there to really spice up your verse. Your content really helped pain a picture for me as well, and it was no where near the same picture you posted with (lol). One thing that really stood out to me was that you were actually telling the story from a woman's point of view. That was a great twist, and how in the afterlife it really looks like it's not going to change. That won the battle I think.

    Vote - S. Issue

    Both of you guys came with some decent stories, and some good verses to go with them. I believe content and twist won this for S. Issue.


    Nice job guys. I don't know if they're gonna post in my battle or not.. but, whatever.
    test
  8. oNeiRiC

    oNeiRiC Souled In

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2006
    Messages:
    383
    Shadow pretty disturbint piece, but it's true. You always got to try and have integrity, but no one is perfect, and if you make a mistake, you might get a psycho stalker. Story progression had usual good consistency, and my only advice would be to keep the syllables around the same each line, which was the main thing that stood out for me. Good stuff.

    S Issue, where'd you get that pic from lol

    "since birth I’ve been used, battered and bruised
    broken by my father whose leather belt caused abuse:
    the strap across my back and thighs, blackened eyes
    tearing up as he cracked my hind with his bastard mind.
    Even mother wasn’t kind; she’d learn to turn away
    as he’d strip me naked and play with my body every way
    he could recall or create. It all went on until I was eight.
    Suddenly strong, then gone— I quickly left the state."

    ~not a bad style, kind of short and punchy (learning from your good advice) which seems to work, but i must say, much is to be said of a kind of flowed out way of speaking, a little less rushed. Perhaps it would have been ideal if there was more imagery, and you did have some good stuff with the third line here, but I just wanted a more deliberate approach. Liking it so far though..

    Each fist pummeled my body, shoddy and busted wide,
    spilling blood as he fought me, stop me from gougin’ eyes.

    ~not bad, but here is a great example of how sometimes a short synposis of many events kind of verse can take away from the subtle imagery in one of these ideas that could have been expandd on

    I liked the part near the end of your second to last paragraph. I liked the dialogue, however I do detect somewhat of a lack of emotion from you when you were writing the verse. Both of you actually. That's one thing I usually have is emotion, and I usually forget the rest lol, so I can detect that sort of thing. For example, you have obviously had some good thoughts int he past about what a man is, and i liked the metaphor about the calloused hands, but this didn't seem to be any kind of new revelation for you, and correct me if im wrong, but you weren't exactly feeling that as you said it? I dont know, I wrote about a knight on a horse and a love story so... idk what im really trying to say im kind of tired, but i loved your advice and constructive criticism, liked it more than the verse. :)

    God came out of no where at the end. I just wasn't feeling emotion from you. Like I could care less about a verse, no matter how good it is, unless I feel some emotion, more, or else it has some awesome flow or something, or some crazy metaphor.

    Vote S Issue, although Shadow talked about a good point, and had a decent verse, my vote ultimately came down to a slight bit more depth in S Issue's story. My thinking was kind of bland, so I apologize if I completely was off in what I read. I think both of yall weren't feeling the flow, and the emotion necessary for the poetic side of things, and concentrated this week on just showing with a solid verse. I'd suggest different music, lighting a candle, and drinking some grape juice while writing. Make sure to make some progress that day too, perhaps workout, make small improvements in many things, and you will feel great when you write, or go to an interview, im just rambling... i just wish I had something more insightful to say, I usually do and this week im just ... blah, with the votes. But I think that's partially yalls fault but idk.. :)
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  9. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    60,689
    lol @ oNe....

    S. Issue wins 2-0 and is the New RSTL Champion
    test
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