[Week 51] [Contender] 3. Vern Acular(2-0) vs 4. ShadowWarriorfs(32-17)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Aug 15, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Feb 25, 2008


    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
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    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
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    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
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    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
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    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

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    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
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    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
  2. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Apr 11, 2004
  3. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Oct 10, 2001


    a guild of men, filled with sin, concealed within these tainted walls
    fate is cruel, rage is fuel, save the duel, a rapist falls
    blatent wrongs, crooked law pushed upon these angry halls
    safety calls leaves a message but the rest to say is flawed
    natures claws...tear the insides apart as time beckons
    and i reckoned the inmates are in shape and can find heaven
    but it doesn't work out, if he doesn't work out...in 5 seconds
    it's god preference, so he prays but his prey is denied severance
    he dies, blessings... aside refrenced inside a mirrors glass
    a man removes his mask and submits to the shit that terror has
    prepare to laugh he writes a joke fights with hope stares and ask
    can i consolidate my life sentences to a paragraph
    then in a very brash way he carries trash into the kitchen
    knowing any second now...he would have an intervention
    in the back and when the henchmen all attack him the ascencion
    will be actually mention as an act of his condition
    then it happens... and the tension hits him in the back of the head
    in the form of a metal pipe and the lights flash in the red
    praying to god he could be back in his bed
    it's ironic...but the rapist, by the rapists, gets attacked and it's said
    he actually bled to death yep but probably not immediatly
    police reports mention he was sodomized repeatedly
    it got a lot of media and sure there was a cover up
    but this is what the mother wants...her daughter was a mother once
    the end...

    a rapist raped to death....you see the title was a scam
    from the first sentence i figured it was likely that this man
    was a mere fictional character i tried to understand
    why they would even mention... he had a bible in his hand
    so i did a little research...they found him in his t-shirt
    pants around his ankles...well they said the rolls were reversed
    with a note in his pocket saying I would like to leave earth
    "im sorry for my sins, i've been praying and my knees hurts
    free me from these creatures and the voices in my head
    let me see the light, tonight i'll be rejoicing with the dead
    the voyuerism, forced to prison, and the boys up in my bed
    give this note to god i cant avoid it and i bled
    the choice i have is said that i can stay and get my ass beat
    they sodomized me last week and now my fucking ass leaks
    all i did...was want to take my daughter to the track meet
    i blacked out...and woke up to her body in the back seat
    looked into the mirror saw my face and said is that me
    it's like i lost control...because i talked and it was raspy
    perplexity attacked me...i pointed to the acne
    and realized that i was still a kid...what a bad dream

    so i continued my research and needless to say
    in a situation as this the man needed to pray
    it turns out the man who died well was seemingly gay
    but his mother issues made females the reason he preyed
    he suffered blackouts...and that's how the media claimed
    he didn't know why?
    but what they didn't say...he was insane
    it's also said that he never died and he had escaped
    then the memories returned...it sure seemed to be vague
    i had to breathe and i faced the mirror...now awake and i'm anxious
    i hold a metal pipe in my hand...i can basically taste it
    the man walks into the kitchen...and then i gaze in amazement
    as me and the other guards, beat, stab and rape us a rapist
  4. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Apr 11, 2004
    ^^you jerk :-(

    Here we go just to prove Coup wrong :p


    Some say that I am close to extinction
    Dying or just sick, no one knows the distinction
    But organisms grow despite the false lips
    As streams flow endlessly from my faucets
    With dreams that play seamlessly with balance
    Populous full of life with an array of talents
    As the displays of lights amaze those who watch
    A class of spectacles nicely placed like a swatch
    Vegetation thriving as the insects enjoy its bounty
    The animals roam collectively but within it’s county
    The air was calm while the birds sing in peace
    A paradise that I had wanted to increase


    I saw a dark cloud coming but would pass me?
    Engulfing me like a shroud around my chassis
    I watched it choke them while searching for an answer
    Asphyxiation spreading quickly like a cancer
    Darkness follows bring fear and despair
    Oxygen heavy as violence filled the air
    The animals began to turn on each other
    Now savages and no longer brothers
    I tried to scream for help but I choke
    Feeling his dark fingers gripping my throat
    Slowly filling my world with corruption
    Peace vanquished and breeding destruction
    Struggling to breathe but his grip gets tighter
    Vision fading as lights gets brighter
    Breath overwhelmed as air fails to escape me
    I’m sorry world but I guess death has hates me...

  5. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Mar 10, 2004
    Hugh rhymes some really nice flow there too,
    The imagery was confusing in places and powerful in others
    But I found the story so long winded I had to work hard to read it
    And again I am a lazy reader, it was a massive effort
    Nice drop

    The imagery was clear and involving
    It kept me into the story, I think you could have taken it even deeper and made it a little longer, I enjoyed the simplicity of the story.
    The flow was nice
    The rhymes matched the story and were relevant
    Nice job
    For a more enjoyable read
    Vote shadow
  6. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Oct 10, 2001
  7. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Sep 9, 2001
    Lazy reader is the reason Shadow won, fairy? Get the fuck out of here.

    Vern - Solid verse. Very solid. I liked how for the first 85% of the verse you led us to believe PRISON was a metaphor for trapped in this mindset of insanity, something disturbing. Then, the ending as your are actually in a Prison as a guard. Great twist! Your imagery was flawless. Flow was on point. I had one problem with the verse (ass beat ass leaks segment) I felt like that was filler. I know what you were doing, creating a painful picture to add to the imagery, but "ass leak" is something I don't think fits here in the verse's entirety. overall, great drop.

    Shadow - Okay verse. Flow was decent - lines were short and made for a fast read, which led me to believe you wrote it kind of quickly. Reason I say that is because in the second stanza, you missed words, typos, and some grammatical errors that took away from the verse as a whole. It's about presentation, it's about maintaining a certain equivalence throughout your verse. I liked where you went with the topic, and I wish you wrote more. I need more here. I need something to develop in order to make this a great read instead of a good read.

    Vote - Vern
    Easy margin.
    Nice job guys.
  8. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Oct 25, 2002
    Hey this was cool tbh not great i mean wording, structure and rhythm of the overall piece was butter.. The whole first stanza just ignited but the story not so grabbing.. It didn't unfold quick enough and there wasn't enough material inside it.. What i mean by that the complete second stanza had dope description but wasn't polished.. I get that you where trying to explore ways of showing his innocence but i don't think you pulled this off as well as you could have - truthfully i think you should have avoided using the kid dream as a metaphor and gone with something else.. Anywhoot it wrapped up nicely and still the first half and climax was solid.. nice drop..

    This is cool.. very poetic.. not much of a story unfolding but more of a topical on the destruction of earth which straight up has been done too many times.. Still you put your own aspects to it with very visual imagery and nice vocab.. All in all this wasn't a bad piece by far..

    vote = vern acular

    Vern wrote more of a complete story with such hot structure it deserves this vote.. GL guys
  9. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Apr 11, 2004
    vern up 1 to 0
  10. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Jun 19, 2009
    Vern diggity - some quick thoughts...Word efficiency, smooth running flow, cleaver multis as usual. Good angle on a topic familiar to all. The written was better than the material story. Some what brisk in emotion but still good rendition.

    Shad- heh, I tried to prove you wrong too. I liked what you did, only it was way short of what it could have been. I liked theses lines especially:

    Darkness follows bring fear and despair
    Oxygen heavy as violence filled the air
    The animals began to turn on each other
    Now savages and no longer brothers
    I tried to scream for help but I choke
    Feeling his dark fingers gripping my throat

    It felt that you just got going then you closed. Doing so made this piece fall short of what you created.

    V- Vern
  11. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Apr 11, 2004
    Vern up 2 -1
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