[Week 51] 5. Resilient(2-1) vs 6. Fairydance2000(1-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Aug 15, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSES
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 se
    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
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    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
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    test
  3. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Joined:
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    sorry for this i may need an extention, but i hope to have my verse up asap.
    thanx
    test
  4. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Joined:
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    [​IMG]
    Mother and Daughter
    Autumn time in Russia is a colorful place
    Like a welcoming friend with an open embrace
    Living in the city is a hectic life style
    We head to the countryside every Once in a while
    Due to illness I stayed at home
    My daughter and her step father went there alone
    A familiar place, their usual camp site
    Not far from the steps that reach to the light

    Mother
    Telephone rings. I pick it up
    At first I hear nothing, then violence erupts
    The screams that insured tore my heart from my chest
    Begging and pleading an emotional test
    Not wanting to listen, but can’t let it go
    Brain blazing on fire, why the desire to know
    No way to help. Blurt out, “I’m here!”
    Bones cracking, flesh tearing, screams more server
    Nausea pain that grips, no control
    Clutching the phone like it’s holding her soul
    For an hour this continued, it was almost surreal
    Not knowing if I could face this traumatic ordeal
    Her voice getting softer, in a whisper I hear
    I am sorry! I love you! I freeze there with fear

    Daughter
    A resonating thud, a penetrating scream
    I turn back to our camp. Now a blood curdling scene
    The biggest grizzly. Reaching high in the air
    My stepfather lies still, with blood covered hair
    Firstly in shock, unable to run
    I phone emergency, please help, send someone
    Eighty meters away. Staring straight back at me.
    My heart now racing! I needed to flee
    Running through thickets, screaming as I ran
    Not time to think. no time to plan
    A sudden jerk to the ground, a snap of my back
    The grizzly has hold! It’s a flawless attack
    Claws that now lash at the flesh on my legs
    Snarling and growling, how I wished I was dead
    I reach for my phone that was knocked from my grasp
    I called my mother. Before I draw my last gasp
    “Help me!” I scream over and over again
    The bear still gnawing, my body blood stained
    Ripping and tearing the flesh from my thigh
    I must have blacked out. I awoke to a cry
    “I am here” she would say, but there’s nothing she could do
    I was bleeding to death, I think that she knew
    The bear had gone, I am now all alone
    Only the voice of mother sobbing, waiting at home
    My legs on fire, I look down they are gone
    Blood draining so fast, it wouldn’t take long
    A rustle from the bushes, the bear has returned
    She has brought her three cubs, the four now take turns
    No strength is left in me to fight
    They are dragging my body, I hold my phone tight
    Everything is blurry, the ends drawing near
    “I love you! I LOVE YOU!” the last words that I hear.

    test
  5. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

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    test
  6. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

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    I have not read your verse yet, Fairy. I would like to apologize for not showing, and if I can post TONIGHT that would be appreciated. I'm off to work now, and I work until 9pm tonight.

    If not, I understand. Work schedule was tough this week and my boy had a show last night

    Let me know. Thanks
    test
  7. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

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    sure thing, i thought i would be late too.
    test
  8. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Joined:
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    FAIRY:

    I like your attempt at imagery here however the mechanics of your verse were very simplistic, the rhyme sheme was below par and to be honest the idea of you calling your mom to tell her you love her because a bear and her 3 cubs ate you was kind of farfetched considering one you're in Russia, two you used a picture of a tree in a tropical rain forest did you even mention a tree, and last but not least just to nit pick how do you feel your burning legs if they're not there, i would work on your mechanics and rhyme scheme and possibly raise the creative bar a little .....5/10
    test
  9. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
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    Suffocation
    BAMM!!!
    .
    ..
    ...
    ....
    ...
    ..
    .


    I Miss You, My Love
    I feel like I’m dying, as I sit here and sulk in my tears
    Hope to get near this beautiful woman I’ve been scoping for years
    “Atrocious” I fear is what she’ll say if we came into contact…
    But I made me contract with the devil himself, it’s been close to a year
    That I’ve been stuck in his grasp, he laughs as I suffer and gasp
    For air ‘cause I feel like I’m suffocating, stuck under a trap
    ‘n I wonder in fact if she’ll remember me the way I used to be
    The mutiny of never seeing my love again just screws with me


    [​IMG]


    I’m a demon of hell and she’s an Angel in Heaven
    I’m a heathen at work and she just prays, what a blesses
    But I’m an animal! Nothing better to do than sit home
    And bask in my misery on my stoop, smelling the brimstone
    My job is simple, the deal was to work for 7 years
    ‘n I’d be set free and clear after paying the said arrears
    I’m the grenadier for the unholy, an armed assassin
    Karma passing by like a nail driven by an arm and hammer
    My days are busy, my nights lead to sinking in hurt
    As I sit up weeping, lonely, only thinking of her
    Her beautiful brown eyes were created from stars
    ‘n her long red hair represents the flame in my heart
    Creating a spark in my brain, thankfully ‘cause the dark overcame
    My soul as a whole, being here I’m bombarded by hate
    Stuck in this place, no restitution, the devil’s own retribution
    “cause there’s only one way to describe this debt - a nuisance
    My nights are lonely, drawn out and kinda bitter
    No common ground where I can sit up, without a doubt I’m no quitter
    ‘cause she’s my guiding light, and as I look down and I whimper
    I can envision this Angel being surrounded by glitter
    I’m bound by withering hate, drawn out and embittered
    And I come to repose..
    … I can feel her looking down, and I miss her




    [​IMG]

    I Miss You Too, My Love

    I can’t express the pain that’s unfurled inside
    But one day we’ll be together when our worlds collide
    For now I know you’re gone, Hold on you’re almost done
    ‘cause when you’re debt is settled
    .. I’ll be waiting with open arms




    test
  10. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
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    fairy:
    This is such a strong piece for you.. your writers voice in the way you tell the story was blunt and direct with no room for misinterpretation.. With your short line structure this verse read fast and with such strong detail the reader can constantly image the actions taking place in the story.. I think overall an emotional piece that was delivered fluently.. Nice drop..

    weez:
    Straight up your writing style is neat and compact with your follow on rhymes and internals.. I think the story was delivered well but just had no substance.. And what i mean by that sure you had the emotion down pat and there was a little description here and there which was good but you had no real story.. It was a demon in love with and angel which you described the whole verse in one line at the start.. I just think you could of added more too it.. Still dope though dude..

    vote = fairydance2000

    Fairy just had the more compelling story
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  11. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    60,692
    Fairy - Nicely done here. I really liked the story here. The imagery was nice as well as the vocab. If i had to give you something to work on for next week, i'd say to make your rhymes seem natural. I mean that the rhymes made the story sounds like a nursery rhyme. Not sure why but that's how it seemed to me. Still i enjoyed this a lot. Good work


    Weez - I loved the concept here but i felt like it was missing a lot of material. You seemed to only scratch the surface to what this story could have been. I feel like you did what you had to do to put up a good story in a short period of time. Still i loved the concept and where you were headed but man did you miss the good stuff lol. Still a nice read


    V/ Fairy for a complete story .
    test
  12. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    fairy up 1 to -2
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  13. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    Fair - Besides the plot holes, I thought this was pretty nitted together. I like the accounts from two different prospectives, giving a lot of detail in such short lines. I think CK has influenced you some, no ? Rhymes are like mine this week I feel, kinda choppy and kinda hinder the flow...I can't knock it but I can point it out, yes ?

    I felt this was leaps and bounds better than last week...But honestly, it ended really quick and was a flash and bang. Done. Not to say a bad thing but to say empty of other elements I wished you would had addressed.


    R- Good flow, the rhymes really out did fairy's verse and I felt the story complexity was about the same. So I can't hold this accountable to the both of you, for it cancels each other. I liked the pace and delivery, and I appreciate the straight forward narrative on the subject, It could have gotten a bit pretentious. So I think you did well, only that the last picture was out of taste. lOL.

    V-r.
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  14. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Fairy wins 1 to -1
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