[Week 50] [Champion] C. ShadowWarriorfs(30-16) vs 2. Rem Lynxis(3-1)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Mar 16, 2010.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    VERSES

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
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    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
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    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
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    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    NASTY- LyRiKaLxLoRd
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    60,689
    test
  3. Rem Lynxis

    Rem Lynxis A Slight Modicum of Hope

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2008
    Messages:
    101
    yo, ima needa call an extension. Sorry. Gotta take my permit test tomorrow and possibly followed by a dental operation. So I'm pretty sure i'll need the extra time.

    Checkin in.

    Good luck.
    test
  4. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    granted..i'll need one 2...i'll be posting by noon tomorrow...sorry for the tardiness...my son has been having seizures :-(
    test
  5. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Died In Her Arms


    It was a warm August morning when I awaken
    Sheet soaked in liquids as if my bladder was shaken
    Almost immediately, pain started to cripple me
    I slowly left to the hospital but fell to the ground quickly
    It was excruciating, my tears were in too much pain to fall
    Someone had heard my screams and promptly made the 9-1-1 call
    When the ambulance arrived, I was curled up holding my stomach
    As they stood me up, I felt the baby beginning to plummet
    I cried out as the medics shut the ambulance door
    They kept telling me to breathe as I squawked on the floor
    “Drive faster you idiot!” I said followed by yelps of pain
    We arrived at the hospital, vaginal fluids continued to drain
    They carried me on the gurney and pushed me into Delivery
    Hunched over as I arrived, praying for God to deliver me

    The room was filled with my horrid screams
    Sweat populates my body as I faint into torpid dreams
    Holding the sheets in agony as I beg for relief
    Repetitive breaths cause my lungs to fold then release


    Convulsing violently as the doctors scream for me to push
    Vagina expands exposing the world to a cranial bush
    “Almost there!” I heard as the pain became unbearable
    “A couple more pushes!” I heard a scream that was beautiful yet terrible
    At that very moment, silence had filled the room
    I felt a sense of accomplishment as life had left its tomb
    My body now drips with sweat and blood
    As my heart now fills with a new kind of love

    I brought my son home at about noon on the second day
    He was beautiful, a mirror image of something an artist would portray
    As the week progressed, I became less and less clumsy
    I was a pro at breastfeeding and changing his onesie
    I loved everything about him from his soft, tanned skin
    To his screams of hunger, I wanted this experience again
    About a week later, I had finished his normal routine
    A bath and a story followed by a random song I could sing
    I swaddled him tightly and placed the pacifier in his mouth
    Rocking him gently in my arms as his eyelids slowly went south
    I placed him in his crib and smiled at his snore
    I kissed him on his forehead and took a picture for my mother to adore
    I laid in my bed and fell asleep from exhaustion
    Suddenly something woke me up, heart beats with caution
    It was quiet, “how long did I sleep?” I started wondering
    It’s only been two hours, so I decided to check on him
    I walked to his crib as he laid motionless, too paralyzed to breathe
    Screaming relentlessly I call 9-1-1 and dropped to my knees
    I picked him up as he slowly died in my arms
    Tears flooded the carpets as I heard the ambulance’s alarms
    They took him from my arms as I cried out to resuscitate
    The medic put his hand on my shoulder and said it was ‘just too late’

    The room turned cold just then and the screams were gone
    Sweat turns to chills as the agony tags along
    My lungs fold but they now do not release
    My limbs tighten as I cry out in disbelief


    “With each new life comes the dread of death
    And with every breath, we must remember the ones who left…”
    test
  6. Rem Lynxis

    Rem Lynxis A Slight Modicum of Hope

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    101
    ayye sorry, ima have to no-show and sign off. sorry. lotta things came up. good verse though shadow.
    test
  7. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
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    unless I get 50pts I'm not giving you feedback mofo ..
    test
  8. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    only joking my Snoop Doggy Dogg lookalikeizzle .

    this was straight .. a topic like this is kinda hard to pull off with any wow factor as you need to connect with the reader with emotional wording whilst not falling in to cliche territory .. this was a bit lite on emotion tbh and although there was nothing really fundamentally wrong with the verse it would have been nice to have felt more of a connection .. I guess a more poetic approach would have created that .. you had a lot of words in this verse but they were seemingly wasted with the emotion thing in mind .. it's harsh to say it was filler because it all told the story but it was almost as though the death was a bi-product of the mother's story and not really a focal point ..

    just re-read this feed and it seems like I'm downing on the verse .. which isn't a fair reflection of my opinion .. I thought it was a decent competitive verse and it would have been good to be actually voting here rather than flat feeding .. it was a smooth read (although a little bit too wordy at times) and the standard of writing was sound (although the "eyelids went south" line was one of those eh forced kinda deals) ..
    test
  9. oNeiRiC

    oNeiRiC Souled In

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2006
    Messages:
    383
    wow...

    ok so this was a beautiful verse till u killed the baby.. It could have been simply about the human experience of birth, which is unique for this league, and it was written very very well. Your story telling ability has greatly improved. I guess I feel the transition to the hard part of the story was left unfulfilled. You wrote a beautiful verse, then summed it up in a few lines about something totally different. That could have been a whole nother verse. i would of either left that out, or perhaps subltely hinted on what would come to pass with perhaps a metaphor or destiny kind of line at the end, or i would have written more. Something like that didn't fit well that abrupt i didnt feel
    test
  10. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Shadow wins via no show
    test
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