[Week 50] [Champ] C. Coup d'etat(4-0) vs 2. Cigma(3-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Aug 8, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSES
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
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    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
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    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
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  2. Coup d Mobile

    Coup d Mobile Up is down, down is up

    Joined:
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    There is a storm coming...(and it might come today). Good luck cryptic kid.
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  3. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2002
    Messages:
    12,377
    A voice calls me...
    a sudden summer shower
    in this floating world.

    Let's go El Nino.
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  4. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

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  5. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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  6. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
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    There is a strom coming.

    I saw one phantom sky with hazy yoke..
    Of a Sun welted against ten photon strokes
    Its rays striped out, ripping up big city blocks
    Like a thief tearing down doors with no knocks
    It was with this that I sat in Detroit city
    Pissing Storms to shit bricks on this gritty

    I told myself about the plight of Detroit
    How it was the factories fight to exploit
    This must the be the reason for its dirt
    Of it's dismal hope in seasons of hurt
    I marveled at the contrast, poor vs. rich
    Like bomb blasts, bursting 1st in sixths
    I stand near the historic Imperial tower
    Its proximity is prolific, in shards of power
    Several wounds clip my mental attention
    My half truths bombed from a treble of tensions

    Sounds of old growth built on new money
    A suckling of silk with much less honey
    I noticed dirty slums and golden towers
    The poor carrying big lies up long hours
    The rich born of yellow brick roadways
    Soft gold, paving it always the old way
    I spit out rage against this system
    To save a world, I sit against them
    That static and division are increasing
    In panic, in which the rich are seizing

    Broken sidewalks led to more tangled brick
    Roads spun in grid lock, upsetting the sick
    The garbage, in shadows below this control
    In ghetto cancer cells, losing to drown souls
    I warped my scarf tight, the crispy wind grows
    Hiding me against the million broken windows

    On one street I saw the rape of dignity
    The theft of virginity in old days of infinity
    Ten women walk past holding dogs, talking
    I turned around and saw the dog walk barking
    I speak one political song on loud speakers
    Dropping in lists weak notes, musically weaker
    I saw the rich laugh from high rise suites
    Pointing fingers below, lying through teeth

    When you're king for a day, it's cheap
    You become a holiday whore for weeks
    So I remembered the Sun storm coming
    It was drumming to account for something
    To hold a judgment in busy committees
    Raining hard to shower this decrepit city

    Unbelievably mind numbing
    Striking an incline, its humming

    Caution was a word found breathing in hell
    People were veins and the streets were cells
    Living city only thinking in vain...
    Understand, this is fucking insane



    [​IMG]



    .
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  7. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2002
    Messages:
    12,377


    Coming Home Empty Handed


    Ribs thin saliva laden lips lick a slight grin,
    Driving by my Ma's house thinking I might drop in,
    Unannounced…raiding like a viking,
    Raiden on some lightning-fast grab-smash fridge shit,
    Vagrant instincts not implicit seldom think to ask,
    If this quick fix is the right thing.

    Field trips to folks crib uninvited Generally aren't those intimate,
    affectionate care filled quid pro quo visits of yesteryear so dear…
    Stressing they're, more so mere, digestively motivated,
    clear delinquent morose acts of a native willfully engaged,
    in deliberate dine and dash maneuvers, hummingbird flashes.
    Pattonted brashness entitlement against hunger pangs.
    I'll pop in say hello family again, show face for a bit,
    eat till I'm a blimp then dip but this time soon as I enter…
    It's different.

    The infant that's been innocently lifting spirits since her inception,
    Is now three, dawdling on her mom's knee, in her PJ's,
    happily watching Disney Princesses parade scenes on youtube,
    mouth formed in an Ooh shape, face flushed exclaiming at the floats,
    screaming "SLEEPING BEAUTY!" pupils provoked like a hooting owl.

    Uncle offers huge hugs, kisses on the cheeks and brow as per Duty,
    then casually gets down to Business as intestines meanly growl,
    "Melanie help me out I'm starving I could eat a whole cow!"
    "Simmer down dinners in the kitchen, brown rice and chicken."
    No adobo I could tell by the lack of smell maybe it's rotisserie.
    Everything is covered gently lifting napkins up to see until…
    Eyes widen, chickens fried stomach gurgles wickedly lucky me.
    Chuckling as I fix a meal, yell through the doorway to Melanie,
    "So what'chall watching what's the deal?"

    "Oh you know we're going to Orlando Friday with Mondo..."
    Emerging from the kitchen mouth full but I nod that I'm listening.
    But she misses it already slipping back into wonderment,
    Leaving me invisible pondering their mutual beautiful,
    Glistening excitement faces saintly making me hate me…
    Matching chubby cheeks it seems my sisters still a baby,
    she's reacting to the action on the Apple excitedly exactly,
    the same as Kaylee, chatting gayly with her daughter.

    "Really mommy Captain Hooks a people!!?"

    I'm grateful because they deserve this look,
    But my heart's shook because so did my ex… so does mom.
    And the harsh truth is that I seldom made them feel awe.
    Or gave them my all.

    In a second I'm second guessing all the goodness I claimed.
    It makes me think are we ever a fraction as good as we say.
    And not doing evil doesn't mean you do good,
    Impact comes from actions and deeds each day...
    In an effort to ease rising feelings of inadequacy,
    I sit my naive niece in front of me and tell her sternly,
    She needs, to stick beside her mom at all cost and not get lost.
    This thought wrought from a memory of when we were young,
    on a trip to magic mountain where my siblings did for a bit…

    And I watch her nodding her head telling me yes stressed,
    Earlier so alive now looks like she wants to cry I made a mess,
    Bless her "Aw Kaylee you're not in trouble!" Shit! never realized,
    I sucked so bad at being an uncle. Keep trying..."BUBBLE"
    A smile erupts her favorite word makes her chuckle.

    It's a start I've been a knuckle head too long time to go to work...
    Ruefully I see what I teach she learns shapes the view of her world.
    And that opportunity goes for every person I'll ever encounter.


    [​IMG]

    The reflection of a face is not a visionary,
    only you can paint the Disney inside you carry.

    A face does not determine the person I am inside
    Painstakingly practice painting till the You in I's alive.



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  8. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    25,669
    coup.
    i had to re enter the week 50 topics thread just to see which topic you had chosen, i missed the "storm in the city" topic selection, and was confused by the image you had used at the bottom. despite that though, i enjoyed reading your story even though it was filled with short primary structured verses. i couldn't really flow to it, but had to speak it out loud like i was narrating a story. more of a story, less rap. worked out well though, the picture (despite not being in the selection) works very well with what you were trying to get at.

    your description of detroit streets was very nice.

    cigma.
    the first 80% of your written was very boring, and involved you going back to your family house to eat some food from the fridge? i wished you had gotten that message out of the way at the very start, so you could've concentrated on the real issue - your lack of presence in the family household. that would've been alot better, and that's what i was looking for, not really convinced that your written needed the first 6 sections describing your hunger for the food in the fridge.

    i wish you'd introduced this part of the verse alot earlier, so you could've elaborated on your own feelings of not "being there" for them, i would've related to that alot better. but to each his own.

    my vote.
    as coup had very short structured verses, your verses were filled with words, that could've been omitted. too descriptive, as i had said earlier. coup's story had me more interested than yours, for the most part. so i will have to cast my vote his way.

    vote : coup.

    :numaan:
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  9. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2001
    Messages:
    29,663
    Coup - Titled a strom is coming. don't know what strom is, but it sounds scary! haha.. to your verse. I enjoyed it. Imagery was definitely there. That's your strong point. This read like spoken word, and I can always appreciate that. The picture was depicted nicely in your verse. One thing, you had alot of repeating words. In alot of your lines. "Against the system, Sit against them" "Weak notes, musically weaker" I just think it made it sound kind of elementary.

    Cigma - I had to read the intro verse 2 times. Lost me at first, but once I read it over I realized that was a nice scheme and flowed very nicely. Your verse came off as complicated to read as a whole, so instead of trying to really flow it (which I failed) I decided to speak it out loud, eventually getting the flow you were working at. Your vocabulary is marvelous. your imagery is very strong. I kept the picture hidden until I got to the last 4 lines. Great job with it. I love the way you ended it, and I loved the way you built it up.

    Overall this is a great match, and will be Match of the Week no doubt in my mind. both of you came with some fire.

    Vote - Cigma
    Close matchup for real. Nice job to the both of you, and I do not look forward to facing you guys.
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  10. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    4,154
    coup:
    This was completely and truly imagery driven.. You captured the run down streets to a tee.. This piece though story wise didnt have much substance in the way of plot twists and a climax it still had a poetic and grimy side to reality.. Flow was hot and vocab was strong.. All in all a top piece..

    Cigma:
    This read quit quirky to me.. Your writers voice in this piece was truly off the hook and your wordplay in some parts.. "Raiden on some lightning-fast grab-smash fridge shit," Real nice.. You seriously captured the point of view of your character and his young niece and the overall message to keep going no matter the stakes til you release that wonder inside was an amazing point to make.. Brilliant drop..

    vote = cigma

    What a champ match.. Cigma just edged this out with his overall statement.. But this was soo close.. Nice show guys..
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  11. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Coup - why you hating on D-Town man? it looked cool in 8 mile. good verse though. very descriptive on problems with the city. my favorite probably was your fourth stanza. it was very well written. your verse kind of reminds me of taxi driver, where Travis says he wishes a big storm would come down and wash away all the filth of the city. well written and i loved the short bars.


    Cigma - I'm kind of in the same boat as Nu. i felt you dragged out the intro, where you could have shortened that up and spent more time on the actual issue. the second stanza didnt feel like it added much, and started to take me out of the story. that being said, i really liked your opening stanza. you had some really good lines in there. my favorite was the raiden line. the character progressed well once you introduced the niece and from there on this was a really good read.

    lol, i glanced through the thread when i entered, and assumed coup's verse was cig's because of how short the lines were. this was a good champ match, but i gotta go with coup.
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  12. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Coup - I loved your wording in this piece. "A suckling of silk", well written, well delivered, well done. The vocab was perfect. The story was interesting and pretty entertaining. I thought it would be a bland story based on the topic but i was wrong :p. It moved at a nice pace and the imagery was nice. I think that for the tournament, you should keep this up but take more of a chance with a creative story. Doing this will make you hard to beat. Good work


    Cigma - I liked the story but i thought it was kind of ran together. I thought there should have been commas in places when none were present. This took away from some of your story because it made the read a little bit rough. However, the amount of detail you provided was great because you gave us a great view as to what you were trying to say. Good work Cig


    V/ Coup for having a cleaner delivery
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  13. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    284
    Coupe,
    Nice, I have been to Detroit once very briefly, but you laded it all out to see.
    The rhymes where tight. The story was very strong.
    The imagery was clear and builds the story.
    The flow was smooth and complete. I like reading this one,
    A nice drop in all fields.

    Cigma
    Another heartfelt verse, I think everyone is getting soppy in here lol, I love it.
    I found a couple of rhyme tripped me up,
    But you had others that were powerful and made an impact.
    The flow was smooth for the most and the made for a good read.
    I think there could have been a bit of a twist in there somewhere.
    But a great verse.
    For pulling me into the story with slightly stronger imagery
    Vote Coupe
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  14. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Coup wins 4-2
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