[Week 50] 11. TheInkwell(0-0) vs 12. Fairydance2000(0-0) vs 13. Riot(0-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Aug 8, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSES
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 se
    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
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    •If your opponent fails to show, you are still accountable for voting on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match and labeling the CHAMP and CONTENDER respectively!!!
    •Votes posted AFTER DEADLINE will NOT COUNT!!!
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    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2001
    Messages:
    12,505
    Checking in for this future slaughter. I apologize ahead of time for what I'm about to do to these 2 kiddos.


    .
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
    test
  3. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Joined:
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    [​IMG]

    you can trust me​


    Fifteen years old made to feel like a fool.
    Isolated from friends tormented at school.
    A social out case abandoned alone.
    Violence and abuse await me at home.
    The only escape from my twisted reality.
    An internet site called” why suffer depravity?”
    Brush my hair, get dressed, wipe the sleep from my eyes.
    Get Ready for school I adorn my disguise.
    An average school girl not wanting too much!
    Just someone to love me, someone to trust.
    My unspoken anguish invisible to all that I see.
    The only ones listening is the site where he would find me.
    We talked every night right after school.
    He made me feel good! He made me feel cool!
    Words of encouragement that I wasn’t fucked up!
    “Your life is your power drink from that cup”
    Weeks turn to months. Our friendship grows.
    The truth of who he was, he would slowly disclose.
    To others his words may seem warped and deranged.
    But his words were my truth they didn’t seem strange.
    He would talk of others who were depressed just like me.
    He had worked hard all alone to set them all free.
    We arrange to meet on that cold winter night.
    With my father passed out. I just slipped out of sight.
    The wind bellows through our lonely back street.
    I wait at the park where we are to meet.
    A silhouette emerges from the dimly lit park.
    No cars around. But I hear a dog bark!
    The anticipation immense as the figure draws near.
    He sat down beside me. Black clothes and black hair.
    Such a gentle man so caring, kind and so good.
    We go to his car and drive to the wood.
    Car lights hit a clearing off to the side.
    Remnants of bodies to tree trunks are tied.
    Their faces missing, just bodies all blue.
    But I know that he loves me! he told me it’s true!
    He free’d them from depression that overwhelmed their whole life.
    To escape all their troubles struggles and strife:
    Sixteen corpse rotting at different degrees.
    Unsettling at first, but he put me at ease.
    A few comforting words, a gentle touch.
    Then his hand moved downward, he reached for my crouch.
    Aroused yet uncertain of what lay ahead.
    Movement and glances, but words left unsaid.
    We continue to kiss, caress and to touch.
    Concerns now extinguished replaced by my lust.
    The momentum increases the deed it is done.
    He was my first! he was the one!
    Reassuring me with kisses to my neck ,face and head.
    In a soft spoken voice, telling me soon I’ll be dead.
    There was sadness in his voice that reached out to me.
    Understanding his pain, not wanting to flee.
    Just needing to stay by the man that I love.
    Stick together like hands in a glove.
    We can help depressed kids at my school
    He reminds me consumption is one of the rules.
    Without hesitation I willingly comply.
    I walk to a corpse and snatch out the eye.
    He watches with amazement and enormous delight.
    As I swallow it whole. no need to bite!
    From that moment on we are like peaches and cream.
    Saving the depressed from the American dream!
    test
  4. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Can I get an extension? Sorry, my weekdays are really busy. Fairy I haven't read your verse
    test
  5. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Joined:
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    fine with me.
    i know how it feels, been a shit week for me too.
    test
  6. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

    Joined:
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    Same here, will be posting Saturday around 3pm AZ time. Good lucks.


    .
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
    test
  7. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

    Joined:
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    Didn't want to no show,didn't get to finish. will write better next week.

    Dreamland.

    The horizon's exploding
    overlooking soft beaches.
    Celestial spheres flowing,
    and floating, in orbit.
    Awestruck, in reverence,
    in wonder, bear witness...
    ...To be stranded in this scene,
    to be trapped on this island...
    would be not a curse,
    but a dream.
    Let me not wake...
    ...Let the palms, and the birds,
    and the stars speak to me.
    I will lay, I will gaze,
    on all that surrounds me...
    The Heavens, they whisper
    The Earths, the moons listen
    The Sun's rays are stunning
    The Ocean, it glistens
    Joining dreams with the real
    Stirring hearts with this scene
    This image I'm seeing
    Left me starstruck, it seems


    .
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
    test
  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    60,689
    Fairy - I liked the concept but the wording was a bit off to me "We go to his car and drive to the wood." I think you meant woods. I understand why you said wood but to sacrifice flow for rhyming is a no no. There were other things that were worded awkwardly but i think you get my point. I didn't like the huge font either. Still you had some good imagery here and a good story. Good work


    Riot - Impressive no show verse tbh. The flow was on point and the rhymes were good. Unfortunately, that was all that was here since it didn't have any story development



    V/ Fairy
    test
  9. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    25,670
    how are you gonna cast a vote when inkwell hasn't posted yet?

    or has it past the extension deadline?

    :numaan:
    test
  10. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    The ext deadline was saturday night
    test
  11. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
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    29,663
    Fairy - Story was structured well. Your content is terrible though. I found like 6 or 7 grammar errors that took away from the verse as a whole. "Case" instead of "cast", "wood" instead of "woods" and some others. Flow wasn't there. Syllables weren't matched up properly to roll smoothly with a given beat. Imagery was decent.

    Riot - Sad. I liked the way you were going with this. Little key, I would put your bars in a form of where you want the rhyme to end because some unsophisticated people might read it wrong taking away from your actual verse. I enjoyed what you dropped, just wish you finished.

    vote - Fairy
    test
  12. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
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    fairy.
    what the fuck's with the massive text, man. it felt like you were yelling at me, for no reason.
    simple rhymes, school, cool, rule, school, fool, etc.
    the narrative was like a basic primary school novel that i had to read, dr. seuss style.

    riot.
    pretty sure this isn't the poetry league, mate. but overall better vocab than fairy, to be honest.
    a shame that you didn't try at all this week despite talking your shit up as always.

    my vote.
    i feel like giving the vote to theink, but riot didn't really try so i have to give it to fairy.

    to be fair.

    my vote : fairy.

    :numaan:
    test
  13. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Nu trying to establish the league into his definition to what rap is, in so that if forms around his writing style, thus being the standard which to judge from and of course a platform of sucess...Just an hypnosis, no hate. Justified vote it was none the less

    vote:
    test
  14. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
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    fairy D - While I can appreciate the easy pace and leisure read through to this I really can not find much to champion here. I know your ability, you have champed this league 4 weeks consecutive. So this verse to me fell off your mark. No depth of expression really, just a plain Jane account of a cliché story TOLD often. Rhymes were of the same level.

    I don't want you to think I'm slamming, but I do want to kick you in the butt to get going,...the tourney is coming and I know you'll be a contender....keep up sis.


    Riot- showing some good poetic flair...I'm interested if this is going to be featured and incorporated in weeks to come. That is to say, if you ever actually show. You sound like a broken record with excuse every time...COME ON.

    V- FD
    test
  15. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Vote FairyD


    Solid story. Development is complete but the delivery is robotic.

    Maybe by adding some inner bar rhyming or more creative vocabulary it will give the words and your ideas more life.

    You hit all the fundamental area you needed to but lacks presentation and spirit.



    Riot

    Short and fluffy to me

    The Heavens, they whisper
    The Earths, the moons listen
    The Sun's rays are stunning
    The Ocean, it glistens


    this is pretty obvious stuff

    Maybe you could relate those ideas instead of by direct linking, create the scene that each line states.
    test
  16. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    4,146
    fairy:
    I think as far as your story and concept went it was cool but you lacked in putting enough description in there, or even serious emotion.. It was like we only got a taste of your verse.. But i think the flow though simple was still there and narration drove the story at good pace.. Nice one

    Riot:
    Dude poetic, short with a strong vocab.. Not much in the way of substance at all but gives me a good outlook into what type of verse you will be dropping next week.. I'll look forward to it.. And im glad you didn't no show..

    vote = fairydance2000

    for her full length tale..
    test
  17. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Fairy - this verse kept me guessing throughout. at first i thought they were just going to meet. when they went to the woods, i was thinking "okay, shes stupid and going to be killed." when you introduced the dead bodies tied to the trees i was thinking she was definitely going to die. when he reached for her crotch i was thinking "run, dumbass." then when she ate the eye my jaw dropped. it all made sense there though. props for that. you kept me into the story and trying to guess what would happen next. there were some grammatical and flow issues, but fuck it, dont need me beating the dead horse. i also related to this verse because when i was younger i spent a lot of time on some stupid online game and met a lot of people from all over the world, and i truly know girls stupid/desperate enough to meet up with a guy and head to the woods with them.

    Riot - I'm with Coup. Write a full fuckin verse faggot. lmao. i liked the direction of this, the imagery was cool. wish you would have finished this up because this verse had nice potential to it. faggot.


    vote - Fairy
    test
  18. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

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    test
  19. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Fairy wins 7 to 0
    test
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