[Week 5] 9. Lyricalpriest(2-2) vs 10. the omega man(2-2)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Feb 13, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

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    test
  2. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

    Joined:
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    [​IMG]


    o, them jiggalators, how they burn inside my gut oven
    I feel like i've chewed one hundred of them burnt muffins
    my head spins and my dicks hard
    pretty ladies look like flick stars
    these ho's are vehicles to another plane, I wanna flip cars
    feel like an exploding vein in my stitched scar
    as I continue to chew xantax and shit bars
    the amphetimine I had for breakfast hits hard
    and I fell hard, a fallen star, toward hell hard
    broke through the feldspar, and stood right back up

    The room was only dark 50% of the time
    as the constant flickering of strobelights shine
    nothing sublime, no cluster fucks, just a giant bum rush
    of individuals swaying together, into groups they mush
    i moved my feet, rhythmically, yet uncontrollable
    gullible to what ever they did...I did too
    blue dolphins, red coca colas, and a black jew
    a bitch with little tits gave me a tab too
    and I put one of them jigs in my ass too
    sweat dripping off me my entire body...a fuckin sauna
    a sauna in Ghana smoking reefer with Muhammed
    I was livid, I was enticed, FOR FUCKS CHRIST, I SMOKED ICE!
    it was nice, until the Roxies had my face full of lice
    and the acid had me eating a plate full of mice
    Savanah, she was from Georgia, said, "come here"
    she got down on a bed of peaches and said "come here"
    she sucked my dick and pointed in her mouth and said, "cum here"
    I said, "sure thing dear, but lets get one thing clear"
    ......I nutted

    she was surprise how quickly it came
    and how quickly Andrew Jackson left my pockets,
    how quickly it rained
    it's a shame what hooker can do to a man
    who just wants to get high and eat scooby snacks in a van
    but I swore, "it wasn't me"
    the one you saw that night at the club wasn't me
    so when you see me at CVS don't run to me
    besides bitch you ug-a-ly
    test
  3. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2000
    Messages:
    24,093
    Cycle Of Defeat:

    __________________________________​

    An Introspective sililiquoy by Lp:


    Fear, Doubt, Worry, Anxiety...


    Fear: Immobilizes our steps..
    Doubt: restricts our ability to catch a breath..
    Worry: cuts off all our resources; so be cautious..
    Anxiety: kills our potential; tryna to abort us..

    Spiritual trepidation. invisible premonition.
    miserable defamation.
    I'll just give you the literal definition:
    Emotional condemnation
    Will force you to wrong the Nations
    but of course you beyond those statements.
    What caused you to palm your hatred?
    Holding on to your sorrows for to long
    S'what got you breakin'.......
    Tomorrow isn't contemplating to come
    if I'm not mistakin'.....
    Happiness is borrowed from the tongue
    By false persuasions...

    To become ONE with the universe..
    is a hard relation...
    To be of subtle virtue seems impossible..
    but to be in harmony with natural laws
    is deemed Inexhaustible....
    so tell me if I lost you too...

    You gotta find that inner peace and release that inner beast
    Emotions are a disease and they are the very thing that leads us to be deceiveD

    If she has eyes let her see if he has ears then let him hear
    if they have brains then let them think!

    If they could touch then let them feel!
    If this is food for the soul if they have tongues then let them taste!
    and together we can have lunch chew, grow, and both succeed our fates!

    It's a cycle of defeat we got to beat
    stifling heat in the street
    making it hard to breath
    It's a cycle of defeat; from which I'd like to be free........​
    test
  4. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Omega - The first section was a bit repetitive to me. You really didn't progress the story much and you used so many lines to express something that could've been said in 2-4. This is where your story can drag if you are not too careful. Also, the rhyming seemed a bit lazy in that section as well. As the story progressed, you didn't really take me for any ride. It was just a very basic story was had really nothing to keep my attention. It felt like you rushed this but with how early you posted this, i wish you would've taken your time on this. Still nicely put together


    LP - Words like "S'whats" is just stupid. Don't dumb down your verse with words like these. Other than that, your verse was pretty well written. The story was smooth and it was actually enjoyable. The problem i had with this was that it didn't really read like a story. There wasn't any suspense or development that would really interest me. Still the verse was pretty smooth and i did like the verse. Good work but next time, develop something lol


    V/ LP for having a better verse
    test
  5. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    4,154
    Omega:
    Lol i love all the drug references, i dont know if everyone’s going to catch onto all of them or can relate but each mention of the drugs brought back great memories for me.. The club scenery was set up pretty nice with a fair amount of a human.. A brutal story and all it sounded like a fun night.. NIce drop..

    LP:
    Another dope drop from you maine you on fyyyre.. I love your strong use of vocab here.. some truly sensational lines..

    "Happiness is borrowed from the tongue
    By false persuasions..."

    ^hot as hell..

    sweet emotion driven topical, you delivered it smoothly with your voice being heard.. All in all top notch..

    vote = Lyrical Priest

    I went with the strong emotion rather then the comedy piece on this one.. Good match guys..
    test
  6. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2000
    Messages:
    24,093
    test
  7. Defcon_5

    Defcon_5 Relax and take notes

    Joined:
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    10,099
    omega i really didn't feel ur verse. i mean the ending of it was comical but it really did nothing to grab my attention. just reminded me of the club scene from white chicks. i don't know if it was the way u used ur vocab or a lackluster storyline but i just didn't feel it

    lp this is nothing close to what u dropped last week but it was still a decent piece to read. Didn't really grab me but it read smoothly and u had a very nice use of vocab. Something lacked here but i can't put my finger on it. still in the end it was a much better read than ur opponents

    vote=lp
    test
  8. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    404
    Omega Man

    Intresting piece here, kinda reminded me of the film
    'Human Traffic' with the drugs in the club scene, the flow
    was nice, think maybe 1 or 2 lines were shakey but on the
    whole nice, Dont really know what to say to be honest was
    a pretty crazy verse which had me smiling in parts, i wasnt
    overkeen on the ending tho. also i wasnt keen on you
    ending 3 lines with come/cum here.I enjoyed how random
    it was, as we all know drug trips can be very random haha
    Overall i found it a pretty decent verse.

    it was nice, until the Roxies had my face full of lice
    and the acid had me eating a plate full of mice


    lol made me smile.


    LyricalPreist

    Also intresting,nothing major grabbed me but overall i did enjoy it
    The vocab & discriptions were nice & direct, few things in there
    that confused me, 1st been why was 'one' written in caps at the
    start of the 3rd stanza, made me feel like i was missing something
    also 's'what'? & 'Tryna', should of just stuck to 'Whats' & 'Trying'
    Anyway that said it did nt affect my overall enjoyment, so yea
    nice job.


    Holding on to your sorrows for to long
    S'what got you breakin'.......
    Tomorrow isn't contemplating to come
    if I'm not mistakin'.....
    Happiness is borrowed from the tongue
    By false persuasions...


    V.nice.


    Overall my vote is going to Lp, Omegas verse was a fun read,
    but Lps verse engaged me more & made me think, nice match guys


    Vote - Lp
    test
  9. pestilence

    pestilence now believes he's hyphy.

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2000
    Messages:
    13,154
    TOM- Eh. It was okay. I really know how it feels to be on drugs. And at points you did a pretty good with it. At points you had lost me cause you jumped around... Espeically with that last verse and the end of the verse before it... Kinda came out of nowhere right? I think if you put all your focus into bars like:

    The room was only dark 50% of the time
    as the constant flickering of strobelights shine
    nothing sublime, no cluster fucks, just a giant bum rush
    of individuals swaying together, into groups they mush
    i moved my feet, rhythmically, yet uncontrollable
    gullible to what ever they did...I did too

    and stayed on track with thoughts like this... others will find comedy in this kinda writing...


    LP- Good verse. Short and very concise. It had a point. The point made sense. It didn't really hit the hardest (only because living it in real life actually hits hard). The way you depicted the tragic cycle really worked. Other aspects like flow and vocab were on point as well. If you can combine last weeks effort with this type of smoothness... You have top notch pieces... good enough for my vote tho. I liked it.

    Vote- LP
    test
  10. breathlesss

    breathlesss Registered Sex Offender

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    1,600
    well, i thought this was going to be a hard one to judge, i'd heard the cycle of defeat before and knew it's killerness, and also omega's ability...but, omega, i dunno man, i just wasn't really feeling it, the beginning was awesome, but around the "put one of them jigs in my ass too" part it sorta fell off, don't get me wrong, it wasn't the line itself that was off putting, i actually assed an e pill back in my psychonaut days, testing the difference ingestion method effects...anyhow, it just seemed to get more simple and juvenile as it went on

    lp, this piece was nice, concise, to the point, good vocab and flow, the audio's nice too... but yea, this piece far surpassed omega's, but yea, "s'what" is sorta silly looking in the intellectuality of the rest, but i get it

    vote -- LP
    test
  11. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    LP wins 3 to - 4
    test
  12. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
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    14,147
    super short votes today sorry folks

    LP - Good verse; a little short but effective. I liked how you brought it all together at the end and it was simple - sometimes an easy read is nice. It was sharp and effective and had concepts which could be sprawled out but still effective.

    Omega - The way you jumped around was disorientating - which is quite fit for that 'writers voice.' I think the storyline fell a bit flat itself but the supporting imagery was probably the highlight.

    overall - I have to give it to LP because his verse was more engaging and for such a short verse it was pretty effective here.

    LyricalPriest
    test
  13. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    test
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