[Week 5] 5. Defcon_5(2-0) vs 6. Cereal_Killer(2-1)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Feb 13, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Monday @ 8:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
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    •Voting is open until matches are closed. Deadlines are flexible!!!
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    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
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    test
  2. Defcon_5

    Defcon_5 Relax and take notes

    Joined:
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    test
  3. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
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    test
  4. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
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    The Conditioning Chamber
    ..
    I subside within the abstract windows of the mind
    Intertwined by the pitch black plateau I have climbed
    Pay back is the pillar of prescriptions I break to survive
    As sanities walls boarder the horns which hate has supplied
    My environment is pale gray, stained by liquor and tracks
    I’m no quitter but sadly my livings been trapped
    Yes
    I am Skinners test rat

    ..
    [​IMG]
    ..
    Play your games and explore my depths
    In debt, I project no more than cautioned steps
    I’m left with a portion of torments best morphine pressed
    I’m stressed, taught to orphan the short straws scent
    But yet I horde and implore regret like a fortune kept
    As meth deforms each fret of my tortured breath
    I’m slaughtered; deaths own creation by tracks unstationed
    Racing in an unsanitary shack trying to outrun patience
    Out gun strangeness
    But anything less than crazy's high maintenance
    Fire changes solids on a spoon to sooth honest pain sent
    I vomit pages of the bible, it's vital they promise placement
    But my sonnet is grave with a stale after taste of shame
    I’ve been raped, now that same frail laughter raids my brain
    Day and night I’m enslaved by this slight decay
    Praying whilst I’m betrayed by god’s right to ache
    Bruised and bled out, my heads down everywhere I move
    Fused with meds now, my sweat drowns the tears I loose
    Abused, fear shoots through each injection I miss use
    I could have killed him before this infection wheezed its tune
    Soon free I move with ease in truth for what I must do
    Abortion, RU spills knowing its the last pill I will clutch too
    No remorse as I swallow and see if change portrays light
    If you force me to kill, I won’t make the same mistake twice
    ..
    The End
    ..
    test
  5. Defcon_5

    Defcon_5 Relax and take notes

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2002
    Messages:
    10,099
    [​IMG]

    I'm addicted to you

    *The phone rings and a guy answers*

    Hey babe i was just thinkin about u, i'm glad that u called
    i just love hearing the sound of ur voice, no matter how long
    i know i can get annoying and all but i want u to know
    it's like middle school when we talk i still get a lump in my throat
    anyways i really miss you honey i hope i see u soon
    it all happened so fast now ur too important for me to lose
    i'm sorry what were u saying my lovely queen
    huh? wait say what, why the fuck are you breaking up with me

    *she hangs up the phone*

    What the fuck is her problem i did everything right
    i mean hell i made sure i at least sent her a text every night
    how could this happen, how could she just up and leave
    i'm the perfect man, marriage material, so who the fuck is she
    no it's not happening like that, i won't leave it alone
    *he dials her again but no answer* BITCH PICK UP THE PHONE
    i bet it's another guy, there's no other explanation
    i was a fool thinkin i could live up to her expectations
    no no no it can't be get the thought out of ya mind
    i'm going to see her, then she'll see why she's gotta be mine

    *he jumps in the car and drives to her place*

    the lights are off maybe she went to sleep but i'll see
    she's just afraid of committment, yeah that's what it's gotta be
    i can change her way of thinkin, i can make her love me back
    wait is that her in there, something just moved, wtf was that
    she might be in trouble, that gives me an idea that's actually
    pretty good cause if i save her she'll come running back to me
    it's perfect, fool proof, i feel i'm finna be chosen
    ok i'm going in, this is perfect the window is open

    *he goes in but nobody is home so he sits and waits*

    Ok i'm agitated now i've been waiting for hours
    i wanted to be a hero, she's the kryptonite taking my power
    i can't take it no more why did this happen to me
    better yet happened to us, i was so happy to meet
    a woman like her, but now she went and saddened my glee
    i told her it's til death do us part now i'ma practice and preach
    wait til she gets home she's in for a surprise i promise
    no backing out now she's gonna get it, i've decide on it
    no it's too easy to kill her, it's to simple to die
    oohhh even better i'll give her something to remember me by

    *she finally gets home and tries to turn on the lights but nothing happens*

    Hey baby i've been waiting, did u miss like i missed u
    don't speak, i loved u so much but u turned out to be a bitch too
    ur just like all the rest, i wanted u to be the best
    our relationship was so perfect, we didn't need this test
    but u ruined it, we running fine now we're idle
    u shattered my heart, now i'm gonna make u hurt like i do
    and ur gonna enjoy it too so get ready you whore
    aye u try to run again i'll blow your whole head on the door
    i'll show u how deep my love for u really was
    heh looka there, u know i never had a problem getting it up

    *he proceeds to force her down and rape her, as he finishes he displays a evil smirk and tearfully she starts to speak*

    I can't believe u just did that, how could u hurt me
    u were the perfect man, now ur just low down and dirty
    i loved u but couldn't take u through my pain
    and i didn't know how to tell u, i was going insane
    but now it doesn't matter, ur feeble and ur wrong
    see i went to give blood and they stuck the wrong needle in my arm
    i was scared so i went to the doctor to get tested
    and i got my results today, it was so hard to ingest it
    *she laughs*
    that condom u always keep, u shoulda wore it
    cause my results said i have HIV, i hope u enjoy it!

    Love is a dangerous drug
    test
  6. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    CK - This was really good. It was concise and wasn't short so as to not get me involved into the story. The story itself was one of the ways i figured it would go based on the picture but it was so well told, i just enjoyed the read instead of being annoyed at it's lack of creativity. Well done CK.


    Defcon - So i liked the direction you took with this. Like CK's story, it was typically what i expected from the picture. I didn't quite predict HIV but i figured he'd seek some kind of revenge for her lack of interest in him. all and all a nice descriptive story. I did have a problem with words like 'finna' It just doesn't feel right to me in these kinds of stories. It really through me off. But still a good story. good work


    V/ CK, his story was just written better. Both stories themselves were good but Defcon's story was a little more sloppy with his wording for my taste...good work guys
    test
  7. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    404
    Cereal Killer

    Very nice verse here, it engaged me right from the start, strong
    description made for top notch imagrey. Upon first glance i wasnt
    sure what to expect as your verses are normaly longer, but it was
    just right. nice drop.

    Fire changes solids on a spoon to sooth honest pain sent
    I vomit pages of the bible, it's vital they promise placement


    Powerful, nice


    Defcon

    I like your writing style, it gets the story across without
    complicating things which is always nice, cant really fault
    you here except for maybe that i found it for the most part
    a little predictable, in the way i had a feeling something
    was going to backfire the guys actions, fair play tho i wasnt
    expecting HIV, so nice.

    that condom u always keep, u shoulda wore it
    cause my results said i have HIV, i hope u enjoy it!


    Who would of ever thought 'hope' , 'enjoy' & 'HIV' all
    on the same line lol nice job =-)

    Overall i had this down as pure emotion & imagrey VS a straight
    story telling approach & in this instance, CKs verse just engaged
    me more, the painting he pictured in my mind overpowered the story
    told from defcon. Nice match tho here,needs more votes.

    Vote - CK
    test
  8. pestilence

    pestilence now believes he's hyphy.

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2000
    Messages:
    13,154
    DEF- This started out very strong in the first 3 verses.... then... You're twists with the male... and then the twists with the female (emotionally) kinda ruined it. And that sucks. Because the first 3 verses or so hit HOME for me. I am not this kinda person in real life but I know a girl very well that dealt with a guy like this... and I was really into what you were gonna do with the end of it but... It just didn't grab me... but I liked what you did with the beginning. Nice technical writing by the way... it all blended well.

    CK- You might have the best verse I read so far. Did you ever read a verse... and at first you are completely lost? Yeah well, your intro had me lost as Hell. But I think I grasped what you were getting at when you said:

    I’m slaughtered; deaths own creation by tracks unstationed
    Racing in an unsanitary shack trying to outrun patience
    Out gun strangeness
    But anything less than crazy's high maintenance

    And then I had to go back and re-read and it all started making sense and then by the ending, I got it (I think). I don't like to post interpretations straight out for obvious reasons...

    But I really like what you did here.. Even though it was short... You really didn't need anymore. Very nice.

    Vote - CK
    test
  9. breathlesss

    breathlesss Registered Sex Offender

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2011
    Messages:
    1,600
    man, in all honesty, the hiv end twist almost won it for defcon, but the story has been done often, and this time it was sorta slow, a lot of words for little progression, and there were many parts where it just seemed choppy, not too grabbing

    cereal, if i understand right, this is a neat story, a tale of a locked up girl, drugged and raped, for "experiemental" purposes? if that's what you were inferring with the Skinner test rat/skinner box thing, that's awesome, all through you were on point lyrically, imageriacally, and flowimistically, but honestly, the telling of the story wasn't so compelling, but the amount of awesome writing ability more than made up for it

    vote = Cereal
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  10. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    60,689
    CK wins 4 to 0
    test
  11. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
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    CK -I've been noticing you start out strong and lyrical before you get into the meat of your topic; I like that - but this time it was different..you went straight into the meat of the story and to no fault at all. It was engaging from the beginning and on second read I discovered little easter egg meanings to some of your wording. Good verse but I swear you've written like 6 verses to this pic by now.

    Def - This story was a little predictable but you always seem to tell a nice story and provide an unexpected and surprising climax. This was pretty good but it felt like you weren't "into" the writing as much as last week (which is scary for its own reasons). Imagery is strong, again.

    Overall - I think it's a good battle and especially because you guys picked the same topic it made it kind of easier to decide. I think that in the end the creativity behind CK's verse was a tad better. Also I liked CK's wording a bit more.

    Cereal Killer
    test
  12. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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