[Week 5] 19. eye-rime (0-0) vs 20. Orange407County (0-0)(VOTE!)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, May 4, 2009.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    [​IMG]



    WEEK 5



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.
    TOPICS ARE IN THE MAG

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  2. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

    Joined:
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  3. Orange407County

    Orange407County Well-Known Member

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    here
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  4. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    cool. i plan on writing tonight or tomorrow. i'll edit something here when i'm finished.
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  5. Orange407County

    Orange407County Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    "If your going through Hell, keep on going" - Winston Churchill"

    Its been a few since I came across a sain thought,
    without a frame, lost soul that just chase thoughts,
    Aimless..not because my visions lackin though,
    Blind sided since she told me to pack n go,
    Fights became the regular...
    Jealous mind had me goin thru her cellular,
    But in the end I was cought in the hotel wit her..
    Her wasn't her as you'd assume it tho,
    My wifes tired eyes dissapproved n shone,
    What she said burned as I listened to it...
    ..."I'm taken the kids and movin"....
    I swear it echo'd long after that,
    that wasn't the start, but the aftermath,
    the pain was like my whole back snapped in half,
    That's Karma lashing back for a trashy past,
    I was once a man out to make a difference,
    But different shady'isms gave me visions,
    Caine addiction that became a prison..
    Once wealthy now strugglin to make a livin,
    I used to think it made me more impressive,
    Only made shit darker..more depressin,
    White chick from the hotel..
    Had me under a spell, mind stuck in a cell,
    At first I ain't think mufuckas could tell,
    Started losin weight, stealin stuff I could sell,
    Less concerned with my appearence,
    Wife beggin me to stop dissapearin...
    So I lashed back "bitch quit interfearin!"
    So she took the kids n said I ain't gettin near em...
    "I'm goin to my sisters", I didn't realize then,
    That certain circumstances can redifine men,
    If u could see my mind then, there was nothin,
    But regression, I was benjamin button,
    Heart hanging by a beat, mangled at the least,
    Fallen angels tangled by they feet..
    bloodied broken halos in the street,
    Stars driven to they deepest bottom,
    Some claimed the government machines had got em,
    Created evil orchestrated by devils,
    Who must of thought "they can't win if they play on my level",
    Drug us underground thru a glass tube,
    Too small for a cochroach to pass through,
    Tween doors go the dead man walkin,
    Old pictures on the wall show how far we've fallin,
    Safe harbor for a spineless man,
    genicide with a wider span,
    Guess I always hoped I could try again..
    Instead I faced fate without lookin back,
    See the flames from the train on them crooked tracks...
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  6. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    extend this. i'll post either late tonight or tomorrow afternoon. i've only got a couple of lines.
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  7. Eye-Rime

    Eye-Rime the intellectual.

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2007
    Messages:
    659



    Jesus sits at the foot of the hill, debating retreat,
    Watching them in the woods, calculating defeat,
    His fingers counting minions, mind sprinting in place,
    Thirsting, as sweat trickles down the skin of his face,
    Bright, crystal clear eyes squinting at heavens aglow,
    Raising a blonde brow, hoping to measure the blow,
    Ah, the weather, the snow, the flesh of his Mother,
    Peering through icy tears at the crest of his brother,
    But Nature's tears turned to sleet, and sleet into hail,
    And he watches it ricocheting off the demons of hell,
    A steady gaze with a ready blade, gripping his sword,
    Then raising his arm in the air with a quivering roar,

    As thick blood flows quicker than any man’s blade,
    Jesus stands in the field and watches his clan fade,
    The soles of his feet sloshing in chunks of flesh,
    Knowing Mother Nature won’t stop until nothings left,
    His heavy steel armor clangs as the blades clash,
    The weather leaving men mangled on shaved grass,
    And Jesus swiftly slashing through Satan’s beasts,
    Sweat mixing with crimson fluids in aching heat,
    Quickly he scans ravaged fields of the faint and weak,
    Asking his father aloud, 'Why have you forsaken me?’
    The great defeat, Jesus falls and appears destroyed,
    And Nature cries, but we call it Her tears of joy,

    Awakening, his toes grip the Earth underneath,
    Fingers flicking maggots out the dirt on his feet,
    Skin crawling, wiping tears as he nervously weeps,
    Body exposing what now resembled burgundy meat,
    He searches through heaps of scraps and remains,
    Arms frantically sifting through the stagnant terrain,
    But his tragedy rains from the piles of cotton above,
    The life he used to know is now forgotten in mud,
    Oh how rotten the flood, the scene would haunt him,
    Indolent, as he drowns in his stream of conscious,
    And the once Christ King is now a servant below,
    Marking the start of the end of the world as we know,

    "Our world faces a true planetary emergency.”
    Al Gore
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  8. Eye-Rime

    Eye-Rime the intellectual.

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    659
    sorry. less time spent than i had anticipated.
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  9. Discreet

    Discreet New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2008
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    Orange county....he was more simpler but the flow was really smooth...i liked how your rhyming stance was throughout the whole written.....alot of multies...and my favorite part was when you was talkin about the angels/broken halos really good imagery

    Eye-you was more in depth with the flow....more carefully chosen words that made it a bit cool...but i just didnt think the flow was as smooth as Orange county's......you had the words and a cool set up...but as i read kinda of sounded forced

    ...my vote is goin with Orange...i think his flow and the way he broke down different ways of struggle....really dope......Orange..just needs a little more word play and it would be doper

    but good shit guys


    Hollers
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  10. L. Kross

    L. Kross His Highness

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2000
    Messages:
    23,173
    Battle of the week

    Syn - Wow.. Crazy first time back. This story was sick, imagery was dope, loved the descriptives. flow was crazy rhyme schemes were poppin insanely. loved how you tackled the topic

    Q - Also sick. Story was NUTS. I read it in order an didnt know the topic until i got to the end, story was nasty. rhyme patterns were also very nicely laid out, internals an externals. Im really feelin this piece from start to finish

    This whole battle is mean. both got a nice ass story with good development an imagery. nice descriptives crazy rhymes.. Iono. way too close for me to call a winner. both of yall was shinin so hard in every aspect

    Vote - Tie.
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  11. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
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    480
    Orange - In my honest opinion I thought the flow of the read was quite impeccable. And the story development was great. Some of the descriptives weren't amazing, and the way you rhymed stuff seemed a bit played in places, but you made up for that with some shit hot lines:
    "I was once a man out to make a difference,
    But different shady'isms gave me visions,
    Caine addiction that became a prison"
    and
    "I'm goin to my sisters", I didn't realize then,
    That certain circumstances can redifine men,
    If u could see my mind then, there was nothin,
    But regression, I was benjamin button,"
    Good showing.

    Qurio - What I liked about this was the descriptives, e.g. "raising a blonde brow", "sloshing in chunks of flesh" and "fingers flicking maggots" and your story-telling ability is cool. From what I've read from you in the RSTL, telling a good story is your main strength. The thing is your vocabulary and descriptives were better than your opponent's this time. But it's difficult to make a decision because the stories were both very strong, I'll go with:

    v - Q.
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  12. Joro

    Joro New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2002
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    5,054
    Um....I enjoyed Orange's verse more. First of all, I thought he rhymed better than Eye-Rime. Even tho Rime had a nice theological metaphor going, I couldn't really get into it. Orange I thought had some clever punches coupled with insights into real life.

    Vote - Orange407County
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  13. *Iceman*

    *Iceman* New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2000
    Messages:
    3,138
    This was hot...

    Orange- good shit, stumbled briefly out the blocks, but quickly took hold of that shit and rode it out. Great rhyme scheme, great flow, great story. My gripe is that though the rhyme scheme was great, at times there would be two different ones, one seemed to be a quick hitter with fewer syllables, the other was a more fuller line and at times you'd jump back and forth between them...

    Eye- Great shit as well, well ready it outloud i didnt have to force any lines and i loved the direction the story was going as i read it. Only gripe is the whole religion thing, not really a favorite path of artistic direction for all the heathens around here...

    v/ Eye-rime
    even though you went religious, you managed to still keep it interesting and entertaining to me. Orange's story was great too, but it just seemed like a story i had heard before. Though Orange told the story with originality, Eye's originality seemed to speak to me a bit more given the topic. Great battle...
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  14. Soull

    Soull New Member

    Joined:
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    Great Battle.

    Orange - Really strong, you pretty much highlighted all the lows
    of life, the qoute fitted in. Mechanics wise this was above
    average. Good shit.

    Q - Really interesting way of relating the qoute. I wouldve expected
    something along the lines of global warming etc. but you took a
    good route. It read really nice and the mechanics were good.


    Close battle, but I think Q took it in terms of originality.

    Vote - Q
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  15. Orange407County

    Orange407County Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    im not posting links btw, with my phone itd take me for ever, i voted in 4 battles, guttso, nom, pain, kross

    hope its not a problem
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  16. liquid`acid

    liquid`acid gods busy can I help you?

    Joined:
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    13,603
    orange:
    first line made me chuckle, you rhyme schemes were excellent along with the flow. imagery was great, it was really easy to picture someone goin thru a failing marriage an a drug addiction, reminds me of some friends actually.

    "Had me under a spell, mind stuck in a cell,
    At first I ain't think mufuckas could tell,
    Started losin weight, stealin stuff I could sell,
    Less concerned with my appearence"

    ^shit, this is my buddy dan back in highschool right here. i wish he coulda read this back then.


    eye-rime:
    like noms verse i think this is on an artistic level i cant relate to, sorry im a simple white kid whos good at math an doesnt get symbolism lol.

    dont get me wrong tho, it really well written, your rhymes are on point an your vocab is excellent. middle verse especially, i read a fair bit of fiction an it reminds me of some of the fight 'scenes'.

    it probly stems from my inability to grasp the symbolism, but my biggest issue is bein unable to determine how exactly it ties to the quote, with the exception of the last line.
    srry man, dunno what to say [dunno]


    vote = orange
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  17. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    3-3. tie match.

    when do these close?
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  18. L. Kross

    L. Kross His Highness

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    20 minutes. be awfully anti-climatic to end like this, but it would support my vote alot.
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  19. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    first i wanna say damn @ orange posting all that from a mobile device. musta took forever, lol.

    orange- nice story. the imagery was amazing, rhyme scheme was nice. i can tell you've bee a big name in the league before, and you definitely didnt have any rust to shake. The storyline on this was tight, a real peice a lot of dudes can feel. nice drop

    Q- This verse has made this battle a tough one to decide and i can see why its tied. Another nice story. I think you played off the quote well. Had some nice rhymes in it too and the flow was nice as hell too. You took a metaphorical approach to this, instead of coming out with an obvious story to go with the quote. overall, a nice drop

    I gotta give this to orange though, i was just feeling his a tad more
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  20. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    Orange wins 4-3
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