[Week 49] [Champ] 1. IAmBent(4-2) vs 2. Coup d'etat(3-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Aug 2, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSES
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 se
    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
    •Failure to vote and/or post LABELED LINKS will result in vote deductions in your battle
    •If your opponent fails to show, you are still accountable for voting on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match and labeling the CHAMP and CONTENDER respectively!!!
    •Votes posted AFTER DEADLINE will NOT COUNT!!!
    •Voting is open to PARTICIPANTS, RSTL MODERATORS, and PAST CHAMPIONS ONLY!!!
    •PAST CHAMPIONS MUST vote on a MINIMUM of 3 matches in order to be counted as a legitimate voter
    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    test
  3. IAmBenT

    IAmBenT Eat a dick, faggot

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    test
  4. IAmBenT

    IAmBenT Eat a dick, faggot

    Joined:
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    "A Thin Line"

    [​IMG]

    There's a thin line, that sits right, between drunk and wasted
    And Natty Light's the worst shit that we've fucking tasted
    But we're 13, and sear-ching, past the same lame game night
    Our DM asks us if we've ever faced stage fright?:
    "Like what the fuck.. you're gay, right?", is our reply
    "No, dudes.. lets ditch the dice and take it outside.."
    So he pulls out a full gown and plastic stick,
    Grabs a fake beard, a hat limp as a flaccid dick,
    "Let's LARP!".. he said, as awkward as a wet fart,
    Threw us rags that smelled like sweat marks and Pet Smart
    We laughed hard, but he was serious! and whipped out rules
    He even used his gay wizard voice -"Strip down, Fools"
    We stumbled around, grumbled aloud, fumbled the foam
    That's supposed to be swords, daggers, and sorcerer's stones
    I'm stuck with a fucking lamp, back pressed with a delta..
    "Well, Link used it as a weapon in the Legend of Zelda"
    That's greaaat...i'm totally ashamed, THIS is why girls avoid us..
    I'm a thief? Weak! "You detect traps!"..and spoil coitus.
    We're dressed now, we step out into the neighborhood
    Barely walk straight, a parade as neighbors gape and stood
    Amazed, or taunt and mock as we walk and talk HP and armor class
    The constant pox of those who gawk and jaw made us harder assed
    And more stuck with what we love to do, -in public? fuck it!
    We were drunk, with swords of foam and helmets made of buckets
    Determined to skirmish with vermin and banish orc and troll!
    "Where's the Renaissance Fair?..You Fucking Dork Patrol"..

    *Ahem!*

    We start to spar, flinging fireballs, swinging axes..
    My half-hearted cartwheels are really spinning backflips!!
    Our local park and abandoned apartments
    Morph into haunted marshes and a Castle of Darkness..
    We wander in, our DM grins, and starts descriptions
    Of harsh beasts with stark teeth, of demonic gremlins,
    Of poison snakes and slimes, (each battle takes its time
    Cuz he acts out the noises with the lamest mimes)
    At long last, our strong blasts pass the citadel's denizens,
    Healing herbs, spells rehearsed, we witness the evidence
    Of the Lich King!!... "Huh?".. "The big thing that awaits you,
    He's undead -", "a zombie?? oh shit!" "no, that's gay, dude.
    Why can't it be, like, a spider or a succubus slut?"
    "Cuz I'm the DM, dammit.. so shut the fuck up!"
    ..the fuck up, the fuck up.., echoes stalk the halls
    "Dude.. i felt a chill tickle up my cock and balls"
    Tension broken like the lock on a treasure chest
    Our laughter hammers, we clamber up seven steps
    "You approach the Lich's lair, and you hear a sudden GROAN!"
    And he takes a deep breath, we let out a sexy moaaahn..
    "Stop joking!.. - sudden GROAN!.." but he gasps and panics when
    We hear a shuffle, rumble..then a figure swathed in bandages
    Shambles on the stairs, we stop and stare, stunned shitless
    Not prepared for this monster's scare, my numb digits
    Grasp the lamp handle..the triangle sparks, starts to glow,
    A blaze grows, whips OUT at the beast's heart below
    His parts explode! We're slathered with floods, besplattered in blood
    Babbling dumb, rattled, watched its puddle gathered in chunks...

    ...A thin line between what is and what's not "pretend"...
    Since then,.. we vowed to never fucking LARP again..

    test
  5. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
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    Fail Safe

    Dear Dr. Seuss, (part TWO)

    Pen-pal friend ! What's up Big Pimpin' ?
    Sit down with steady sails, then listen
    Since last I wrote a lot has happened
    Life hit a low note, not that your asking
    It was me, all me who hit rock bottom
    Trying to take you with, that last Autumn

    Well, I'm better now... ... life is fulfilling
    I've not cut, stabbed or thought of killing
    I respect you now Seuss, see this or not
    I again study Cat in the Hat, I read it a lot
    But one issue still bothers me, Doctor Seuss
    My baby child loves to knot up a proper noose
    She wears them. As bow-ties around her neck
    I asked who taught her, she lies big I suspect
    Did you teach it, in that one 500 Hats book ?
    Or with the Sneetches when Stars shook ?
    Don't matter really, she has intelligent digits
    She pulls it to bed and snuggles a kiss with it
    And slips it on to climb trees... kids will be kids
    Reminds me of me, when I done did what I did

    Damn, dude

    I just noticed something horribly Seuss
    She is coking notably wearing that noose
    My infant child had just spit up her food
    In an instant too, warm face to cold crude
    Blood followed, spilling out digested soup
    It' sick Seuss, intestines pushing out poop
    Her eyes roll around, flickering outside in
    EEWW, illustrating one sickening skeleton
    Her pupils, so crossed by blood shot veins
    Cool story bro, she sure does got A game

    Still, despite her terror I continue writing
    She is OK, just an error in life shes fighting
    It's funny how that noose looks so custom
    Her neck, Ah, shes trying to loosen it some
    It don't matter, bro. Me and you are still tight
    She looks OK, as long as your Rhymes feel right

    Should I help her. Have answer ? So do tell
    I could see if she's alive, shit looks brutal
    LOL Seuss, I love her noose collar though
    I would tell her it's cute, is that odd or no ?
    She's self conscious over things at home
    I guess you wrote it best, leave her alone

    I will, but damn dude

    Her nose drools pockets of crusted discord
    It looks like ooze in buckets of shit storms
    Bubbling in the likeness of swampy water
    I'm frightened bro, should I plan to call her ?
    I see two hands tear out clumps of hair
    She is really mangled there up in that chair
    Locks pulled from patches of bruised skull
    Dude, bro....Seuss, this our next story call
    LOL We could call it Vomit and Noose Ties
    More Vomit, but this time cut by sharp cries

    I don't want to bother her, I am writing you
    She gets up set when daddy don't approve
    To be fair, she so looks content in danger
    It's cool to be so Red under pressure major
    A peculiar smile hangs about her effortlessly
    She really likes your books Seuss respectively

    Hit me back bro, we got to coloab this soon
    If not, I promise to stab and go mad with doom


    Remember the last time,

    Coup



    ---
    Dear Dr. Seuss part one:
    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-...stl-hall-fame-season-ii-2.html#post1068028049


    .
    test
  6. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2001
    Messages:
    12,505
    Damn, I love coups ability to form a piece that is pure originality.

    Iambent told a great story, disjointed at times but imagery was well done.

    I will vote when I get back from camping.


    .
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
    test
  7. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,146
    Bent:
    Funny take on the picture.. Straight away I was picturing a resident evil version of the LARP in the movie role models.. Some lines where pretty dope, others a bit stretch which is strange for you.. some nice internals and the overall story was fairly cool.. Sweet drop dude..

    Coup:
    Holy crap dude fire.. Your structure was soo sound which made the verse flow so fluently.. Imagery was pure diamond and the actually story was hot as hell.. I love the CSB line dope.. All in all you absolutely massacred this weeks champ match.. Utterly killed it top job..

    Vote = Coup d’etat

    Wow he just out shined bent in such a descriptive and creative way.. Top match guys.. Thanks for the read..
    test
  8. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Bent - i know i say this often, but your topics are so fuckin unique. like who writes a verse about fuckin LARPing. this was a really clever verse, and it held my attention all the way through. the wet fart line made me laugh, but at the same time, it read awkward. there were a few other lines that were pretty awkward. rhymes were nice, dug the flow. good drop.

    Coup - man, now cuz of this verse i got Stan stuck in my head. lot of similarities. but what really stood out to me about this was the imagery. this shit was beautiful throughout the verse. i really cant think of anything to really knock about the verse. great showing.

    vote- fuck you guys did good with the champ match, but i gotta give coup the nod.
    test
  9. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Iambent -

    That was sheer creativity coming up with that angle for the picture. Major props for originality.

    The way you weave story details with action unfolding and also keep a tight rhyme pattern with multis... sprinkle attitude and humor needs to be applauded.

    Our DM asks us if we've ever faced stage fright?:
    "Like what the fuck.. you're gay, right?", is our reply
    "No, dudes.. lets ditch the dice and take it outside.."


    Not a wasted word.

    "Let's LARP!".. he said, as awkward as a wet fart,
    Threw us rags that smelled like sweat marks and Pet Smart
    We laughed hard, but he was serious! and whipped out rules
    He even used his gay wizard voice -"Strip down, Fools"


    Descriptive, clever, on point. Once again it has to be noted how you advance story, give it movement while having multi's that aren't forced, everything makes sense.

    I enjoyed your first passage more than the second. I think here, you start to keep form for the sake of keeping form, rather than it being and emphasis of a total depth your are writing from initially.

    I know it would be massively challenging to be on point with every multi so, I'd say dispense with it and go ahead and use a different scheme.

    At long last, our strong blasts pass the citadel's denizens,
    Healing herbs, spells rehearsed, we witness the evidence
    Of the Lich King!!... "Huh?".. "The big thing that awaits you,
    He's undead -", "a zombie?? oh shit!" "no, that's gay, dude.


    Hear the rhymes are the focus not really the story. Like the cadence is obvious the syllable count etc. Like you are trying to make it fit. It's not flowing.

    You wrote a very skillful verse, with an original idea, the ending was a bit anticlimactic, no pizzaz just like a tweak on the nose.

    Strong multis, story telling level was high, descriptions, dialogue, all very clean.

    Coup-

    This definitely felt like Eminem meets Dr. Suess.
    Which isn't exactly a good thing.

    It was me, all me who hit rock bottom
    Trying to take you with, that last Autumn


    ...I hear Stan when I read this. I actually like the opening but dislike it too because it feels like biting.

    A big issue with your verse for me was that it had a ton of extra words to maintain form. Like you dimmed yourself.

    I respect you now Seuss, see this or not
    I again study Cat in the Hat, I read it a lot


    In an instant too, warm face to cold crude
    Blood followed, spilling out digested soup


    Still, despite her terror I continue writing
    She is OK, just an error in life shes fighting


    I don't want to bother her, I am writing you
    She gets up set when daddy don't approve


    It has a stop start feel to me. Now if you did this intentionally to mimic Dr.Suess books, then you nailed it.

    But where are you Coup? This seems like a tribute piece.

    Her nose drools pockets of crusted discord
    It looks like ooze in buckets of shit storms
    Bubbling in the likeness of swampy water


    There you are peeking through. That's you with the provocative imagery, the powerful intonations. These words just have a different flow to them, natural writers voice, the way they fit together to create strong imagery. This is where you needed to be. You can still do Dr.Suess short syllable chops in an eminem rhyme scheme being Coup.


    Vote -

    Iambent.


    I think both were creative, had good rhyme patterns.

    Detail and Imagery was a wash.

    Story telling went to Iambent...

    and this is because...

    Iambent was able to be himself delivering the story. He had the barrage of multis, description, creative rhymes, movement.

    It feels like Coup story added up to less then the sum of its parts.


    Basically I think what Iambent created more than Coup. He satisfied so many aspects of what I look for in a verse.

    Coup verse had to have a big impact and it didn't because of the lack of heavy hitting parts. I think you didn't quite pull off to me what you were trying to do, and since you had to sacrifice in other areas to try to accomplish that goal... it not having succeeded to me, only amplified the weaknesses I was perceiving.

    Maybe I am missing some stuff in between the lines, I didn't read the Dr. Suess first part, because I think a verse should stand on it's own. It's like when people link audio's I never follow.
    test
  10. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Coup wins 2-1
    test
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