[Week 49] 5. Resilient(1-0) vs 6. T.a.C(10-7)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Aug 2, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSES
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 se
    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
    •Failure to vote and/or post LABELED LINKS will result in vote deductions in your battle
    •If your opponent fails to show, you are still accountable for voting on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match and labeling the CHAMP and CONTENDER respectively!!!
    •Votes posted AFTER DEADLINE will NOT COUNT!!!
    •Voting is open to PARTICIPANTS, RSTL MODERATORS, and PAST CHAMPIONS ONLY!!!
    •PAST CHAMPIONS MUST vote on a MINIMUM of 3 matches in order to be counted as a legitimate voter
    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2001
    Messages:
    29,663
    Checking in.

    Votes:
    1.
    2.
    3.
    4.
    5.

    Good luck, T.a.C, 'cause when I step on you, I'm going to cry because that would hurt.
    test
  3. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2001
    Messages:
    29,663
    I Am . .

    Hell awaits
    You can call me one of Satan’s heavy weights
    I’m the one responsible for burning down the pearly gates
    Laughing at the fact of burning buildings on their way to strife
    Watching people jumping from the roof to try and save their life
    Ashes falling,- mountains of casualties
    An-gels are handsomely surrounded by the blasphemy
    Of a pack of bleeding Catholics while they’re nearly losing it
    As if they’re someone blessing them who’s stuck upon a crucifix
    Who is it? It’s Weezy looking for a new sinner
    Standing at the right side of the god of demons, Lucifer
    I’m losing it *sigh* why the fuck am I so fluent with
    This music that‘s so frightening? I’m touching all these lunatics
    -pause- Do you know who you are messing with?
    You’re stepping with a person who is filled with such malevolence
    Visions, sinister, stuck in this monstrosity
    So hard to accomplish things with all these fuckers watching me
    Listening, recording, every move I have to throw at them
    Do they even know my brain is filled with pandemonium?
    Calling all heathens, the demons are praising me
    Maybe that’s the reason all these pagan’s put their faith in me
    Standing in the pits of hell, laughing at this shit and well..
    Feasting on the skin with the absence of a pleasant smell
    Devouring the innocent as all of them crying
    Their rotting flesh is painting all the walls in my asylum
    Decorated with their limbs, hanging from the ceiling
    Satan calls this place a home and I am never leaving
    Gasping for air, panting, tough to see and…
    Being in my world, no one innocent is fucking breathing
    Such a treason is leading you into my home
    While your heart is beating fast like winding up a metronome
    I set the tone, there is no telling what you will face
    I am Legion, Satan, the tempter of the human race
    The God of war that you mistake with souls of many but few to take
    'cause none are worthy of my presence.. step up to the pearly gates...

    I Am . . Him

    =============================

    I'm going to record this and link you guys. I'm really feeling this topical.

    Good luck, T.a.C
    test
  4. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2008
    Messages:
    76,201
    I’ve been locked up since I was 15
    And in that time I was able to get clean
    But that was the only rehab I managed
    In fact I thought it’d be to my advantage
    To join a gang, to have protection
    My back being watched in this section
    I seen violence and a lot of kids die
    Blood on my hands moving drugs inside

    I was never innocent
    Hide your alarmed snobbery
    I’ll forever be reminiscent
    Regretful of my armed robbery

    I never had a father, and barely a mother
    Always homeless, heads rarely were covered
    She was a sex whore, no one in debt more
    All she cared about was getting her next score
    Constantly moving to avoid paying debts
    After receiving messages laying threats
    She only owed a couple hundred, maybe less
    Every month she’d hold me close “baby, lets
    Make a fresh start” but she was a born sinner
    And I only robbed that bank to afford dinner

    I’ll be released soon
    I’ve received lenience
    The gang made me a goon
    They have my complete allegiance

    An official order was given for my release
    A person I was directed to try to reach
    They owed us money, then tried to hide
    So once I’m out it’ll be their time to die
    Reading the note to myself in a slight mutter
    Freezing in place when I saw who it was…my mother


    Feeling weighted down, this endeavors hefty
    She wasn’t always around, but she never left me
    This gang held me down in a way I can’t believe
    We don’t share blood, but they’ve been family
    This is a toxic mess like leaked oil
    But fuck it, I just have to keep loyal
    I send her a note, telling her I’ll be released soon
    How she needs to flee doom, we’ll leave to
    Another state, somewhere secluded in the woods
    For me to do this, I included she must give up the goods
    No more drugs, If I say too much it will reflect weak
    Concluding my letter with I’ll be out next week

    My release comes, I find my mom at my grandparent’s
    Looking right through her as if she’s transparent
    I explained everything, from my gang to the hit
    To how it fucked me up that she couldn’t quit
    I told her grab some clothes, we jump in her car
    Seeing a needle in her pocket, I want to hit her hard
    Fist clenched, but this will be her fresh start
    Feeling like I’m playing God, and I’ve blessed her heart
    We start driving, no time for hesitation
    Seclusion, Wyoming’s our destination
    A couple hours in, we make a pit stop in Nevada
    To use the restroom, and stop for an enchilada
    We walk passed the tree’s that reveal the lake
    She wanted to see it, that sealed her fate
    On the beach I reach in my pocket
    Grab the glock and cock it, POP, I shot it
    She falls flat, face first in the grey soil
    Slowly walking to the car…told you I’d stay loyal


    I'm Coming Home
    test
  5. IAmBenT

    IAmBenT Eat a dick, faggot

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2011
    Messages:
    1,356
    great battle.

    Res - I really liked your rhyme choices and fresh use of multis in this verse. I love it when writers take the time to display real lyrical mastery and technique, you did that and its easy to tell off the bat you GET what it means to spit a verse. The descriptions in the verse were solid, I liked where you took the verse even though its a bit cliche with the heaven hell imagery. if i were you i would improve on grounding the character with concrete images and a deeper emotional core.

    TaC - great story, well paced from start to finish, I liked your experimentation with the shorter length lines, there were some issues of somewhat awkward wording that took me out of the story but nothing major, some of your rhymes were very creative, the story really jukes you at the end which was creative and great. I like that most of your verses have this gray area where you could make a case for the heinous behavior of the characters.

    Vote -TaC for just a better story.
    test
  6. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,154
    Weeze:
    Straight up this read off the tongue beautifully and to hear this recorded would be dope as fuck.. Ok story not so great it was good but nothing really unfolded.. But you did have some crazy lines in here describing your destruction on all that is holy which I thought was cool.. All in all pretty solid verse dude just needed some twists in there for me..

    TAC:
    That second stanza which starts with “I never had a father” was fantastic dude I was like hell TAC is stepping it up.. Structure was tight and vocab was cool.. The story started loosing pace by the end but overall wasn't that bad of a climax.. I did enjoy this piece.. cheers..

    Vote = TAC
    I found his story to have more direction not just and outlay on destroying.. Thanx for the read guys and g/l..
    test
  7. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    76,201
    test
  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Res - I thought the flow in this was really nice. The imagery was good as well. I wasn't too entertained by the story tho. I found it to be a bit bland. I still feel like you are being 'safe' instead of jumping out of us with a creative story choice. I enjoyed your previous story better tho. I still enjoyed everything else with this though. good work.


    T.a.C. - You see, story wise, you are always a joy to read but they you word things so awkward. "it'd be" just ruins the flow imo. 'It would be' would have kept the flow. Sex whore seems a bit redundant as well. As the story continued though, i thought you were better with the wording. You had lines where you were missing key words but the story was enjoyable and entertaining. I also thought the topic was interesting given the story you wrote about. Good work here but you need to clean up the wording


    This was tough tbh, because i wasn't sure exactly which aspect i thought was deserving of the win. Resilient's story was kind of boring in a sense but the delivery was good. T.a.C's story was great but his delivery was confusing at times and inconsistent. I'll have to give my vote to resilient. This is because T.a.C needs to smooth out his delivery more so the reader doesn't have to constantly re-read the story due to missing components, etc. Good work guys

    V/ Resilient
    test
  9. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    29,663
    2-1 TaC

    Guess we don't understand a "topical" as opposed to a "storyline"
    All good though. Nice Drop TaC'y pooh.
    test
  10. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    Resilient - I thought this piece was well written, well thought out and finely executed.

    Of a pack of bleeding Catholics while they’re nearly losing it
    As if they’re someone blessing them who’s stuck upon a crucifix


    I’m losing it *sigh* why the fuck am I so fluent with
    This music that‘s so frightening? I’m touching all these lunatics


    ^ I really enjoyed these lines. Great images planted plus the bars agreed with line one to line two respectivly...so that what was left was a powerful image that supported the entire piece. There were a lot of lines like this and not one line/bar was out of place. The problem I have is that the context of writing about hell/Lucifer's helper is a common feature in a lot of what we consume in mass media. This concept is overdone and burnt in all our minds to a point of being a staple in our culture

    Now, I'm not dogging ya at all. Just that the context/theme here was a difficult one to express in a new way that engaged the reader in a interesting way. So, it was for me, like rereading a book already read many times. Still, I give you made props for the written process you had here....I know, feel and am sure that if you put this same skill to a different theme/topical it would have implanted my mind more starkly and thus more enjoyable brother.




    TaC- Brother Tac, this was a structurally sound verse. It moved, flowed and hit point after plot point well. I am beginning to think you are coming around and really are starting to make a name for yourself here.

    I was never innocent
    Hide your alarmed snobbery
    I’ll forever be reminiscent
    Regretful of my armed robbery

    I never had a father, and barely a mother
    Always homeless, heads rarely were covered


    ^I quote this not because of complex rhymes of flow, but because for the importance these passages had to move your story efficiently. You are killing it man, keep developing this storytelling way. I was really engaged the whole time reading this and was SMH in a good way, rooting for you. I like the conflict, the breech of trust to satisfy other loyal obligations. I liked the way you delivered this whole concept bro. It was a fantastic story and what is more, the execution was skillfully and acute. For this brother I cast my vote to you. It is my wish to see you continue.

    One, thing brother TaC. I notice that most your bars support the flow and pace of story....to control the pace insert just pure lines of imagery every so often. This will accomplish a few things: 1. we get a better prospective of story framing 2. We get a grounding point to which we can emotionally invest into the developments of story....etc..


    --

    R came polished, but even for a topical he left little for the imagination, but it is my opinion that he merely choose the wrong concepts. TaC impressed me more.

    Great battle here brothers


    V- TaC
    test
  11. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    12,377
    Res -

    Man...at first the story was coming off trite to me. Honestly wasn't feeling it

    An-gels are handsomely surrounded by the blasphemy

    This to me is an example of using lofty sounding words to impersonate cleverness or depth when the reality is it's fluff. Like what does that even mean.

    -pause- Do you know who you are messing with?
    You’re stepping with a person who is filled with such malevolence


    I don't mind the illustrative devices, but was kind of put off by the basic way you addressed this bar. Do you know who you are messing with? I think the idea for this bar was cool and is in line with building your story, but you can step it up.

    Ath this point I was starting to tune out, but I wanted to give this my attention so I took a breath and kept going and BAM!!

    So hard to accomplish things with all these fuckers watching me
    Listening, recording, every move I have to throw at them
    Do they even know my brain is filled with pandemonium?
    Calling all heathens, the demons are praising me
    Maybe that’s the reason all these pagan’s put their faith in me


    I LIKE that!! Swag and cleverness blunt, a little sarcastic, emphatic.
    Really starts to pick up for me.

    Standing in the pits of hell, laughing at this shit and well..
    Feasting on the skin with the absence of a pleasant smell
    Devouring the innocent as all of them crying
    Their rotting flesh is painting all the walls in my asylum


    Yea some forced wording but that flow is fire multis came just in time.

    A bit redundant with the same concepts in your lines, I didn't feel like a rising terror as the Devil is revealing himself you know, just the same "I'm a bad ass" but you did have some nice spots of imagery and flow, got some sparring rounds in.


    T.A.C.-

    The tone you start out with is straightforward and low key...

    I was never innocent
    Hide your alarmed snobbery
    I’ll forever be reminiscent
    Regretful of my armed robbery


    Ahh some lines with depth. When you give words context that's where they derive power.

    She only owed a couple hundred, maybe less
    Every month she’d hold me close “baby, lets
    Make a fresh start” but she was a born sinner
    And I only robbed that bank to afford dinner


    Lol this is like Sw-lite type storytelling lines with a dash of Nom, but I can dig it. Little but awkward wording but at least your lines have multiple purposes.

    Feeling weighted down, this endeavors hefty
    She wasn’t always around, but she never left me
    This gang held me down in a way I can’t believe
    We don’t share blood, but they’ve been family


    Niiice midtwist in the story man. And these lines that follow really start to ramp up the tension. You also had a bit of wordplay involved.

    Wrapped it up efficiently... Reminded me a lot like OF MICE AND MEN. when the best friend shoots him while they are talking about the rabbits they always wanted to raise.

    Vote -

    T.A.C.

    I think Resil had some flashy spots when it came to rhyme and imagery but consistency and overall strength of verse went to T.A.C.

    You could feel the story grow. He tells a solid solid story. Every component is down pat.

    Now you have to elevate. Refine those things you know how to do.

    Resil you have a confident voice just need to draw deeper from your well, don't dwell on the surface.
    test
  12. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
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    T.a.C wins 4-1
    test
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