[Week 48] [Champ] C. Got Life?(4-0) vs 2. IAmBent(3-1)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Jul 25, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSES
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 se
    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
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    VOTING


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  2. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    on guard dopey.
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  3. IAmBenT

    IAmBenT Eat a dick, faggot

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    test
  4. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    If Only You Could...

    In actuality, not every man is an island,
    For instance, David was an archipelago,
    Somewhere off the coast of dry land,
    He’d simply drown before he let her go…

    And drown he did on December the sixth,
    Found face down, wearing his crucifix,
    Leaving behind his son and his daughter,
    As he plunged, face first into the water,
    Trying to save his wife from the slaughter,
    But it was the reaper that sought her,
    So as he pulled at her ankle, Dave came too,
    The cost of love…them both turning blue…
    A modern day Romeo and Juliette,
    Another love debated, that we now regret,
    Yet at their parents somber demise,
    It’s seen in Angel’s eyes, her somber cries,
    Forever present and she can’t rationalize,
    This happening under Heaven’s blue skies…

    Screaming at God, “why was I left behind?”
    Spinning vexed in a clandestine grind,
    And as she reached to step from off the stool,
    Jason plunged to save her…
    That awful fool…who sought the “cool”,
    Which forever would enslave her…
    Little miss suicide failure…finally faltered,
    Though from there on in, reality altered,
    Hating Jason, all the while insanity haunted,
    Spitting forth only profanity jaunted-
    With misery and disdain,
    Though he truly misses she in the rain,
    Her hate…his final straw…his bane...
    Blocking out all the glitter…all the pain…
    Numb, succumb to Novocain,
    Moving on…
    Where none would know the name-
    Or mind when he’d go insane,
    Imagine losing your world …
    Frame by fucking frame…

    In a flash it went from picture perfect,
    White picket fence, smile…you’re worth it,
    To Mom drowning, free of a Prozac nation,
    Followed by Dad’s failure for contemplation,
    That if he too drowned, what about the kids,
    Though his vow to his wife forbids-
    Any real thought or moment of clarity,
    So he too dives and dies…
    As there’s no true opponent to reality,
    At the wake, the kids cry their last goodbyes,
    And Angel is entrusted to her brother,
    Who was old enough to care for and love her,
    The last pure piece of his puzzled life,
    Though after a failed suicide attempt-
    She attacked Jason with a knife…

    That straw finally broke the camel’s back,
    Lost was light, even the candles packed…
    In the darkness everything fell apart,
    Jason felt for his beating heart,
    And with a thrust made his fleeting depart,
    Blood splayed; he was a victim from start-
    Though this finish suited him best,
    A man rooted, a man possessed,
    Yet as morning finally shone again,
    Angel turned the corner nearly nine past ten,
    Saw her brother lying in puddles of blood,
    With a sign on the wall that read…

    If only you could...love.

    [​IMG]
    test
  5. IAmBenT

    IAmBenT Eat a dick, faggot

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    "Thinking; Or, How It Doesn't Always Make Sense"

    "For rarely are sons similar to their fathers: most are worse, and a few are better than their fathers." -- Homer​

    "..green, of youth, innocence, of beginnings, inexperience, and envy"

    I've never seen a green meadow in the mean ghetto,
    But the scenes of peaceful trees and streams in my dreams nettle
    Will I rise from this heat like the steam from a tea kettle?
    Or die in defeat like the screams that the streets echo?
    We settled in a city as brittle as cheap legos
    Sizzled July heat kicks glints off police medals
    My eyes glimpse,squint, wince with the reminiscence
    Of my pop's stint (locked since I was six) in a prison..
    A ball skips, two tall kids shouting, I snap and scramble
    Ask if I can hoop with em, they laugh cuz I have no handle..
    Plus I'm only 10! ...Then again, "Let's see what the kids got"
    My heartbeat takes a hard leap, I'm told to kick rocks,
    But not today, The boombox dropped the new Dr. Dre
    I pictured me, spider dribbling, to "Hip Hop Hooray"!
    Zooming past, moving fast, drop a dime or pop a trey,
    They'd "ooh"! and gasp, as I shoot and pass, shine and operate!
    "Check" as it bounced in, and we start to hustle round,
    Shuffle down, hope they know I'm open!, then a musclebound
    8th grader, face scraped up from being jumped in
    Sets a pick, my knees crease like a fabric substance,
    Amazed, I crumple, twist in a heap, as I hear snickers,
    My rage rumbles, I raise fists as quick as my fear flickers
    "Look here, nigga", we scuffle, the tussle cost a tooth,
    But bought respect, doubled when others scoffed the truth,
    I lost, but heck, the struggle of an awkward youth
    I thought was hexed bubbled into the prospered proof
    Across the net, causing trouble to all who choose
    To not protect the rubble when I assault the hoop...

    "..orange, of energy, flamboyance, hunger..a demand for attention"

    "Pass the rock,son!", I caught, spun into a jump stop,
    Flung a pump fake, dropped a hot dunk, as my lungs throb,
    Hung, wait for the floor to clear, as enormous cheers
    Shake the stadium, the crazy thrum, formed of years
    Dreaming of the very moment I had brought them to the brink of
    4th quarter, up 10, championship cup to drink up!
    Touted best, in the conference, with stellar D
    Would be undefeated if the center hadn't caught a felony...
    So I drove relentlessly...past camradery off the court
    Everything is emptily bothering ... if it's not the Sport
    The buzzer sang the melody I heard at my first dribble
    ..Thought the song would solve the problem of my worst riddle:
    "Why is it that the man who would find the most pride here
    Is trapped behind bars for trying to be a coke pioneer?"
    Post-win, a rollercoaster of chicks, agents, and "close" friends
    Approach in the hopes that I go with what they're proposin'
    I'm frozen so they won't sink, teeth deep in my cold skin,
    In this circus, my tightrope's broken - I cut the nets down
    So I blame my self now, for the stress of an impressed crowd
    Just a well-dressed clown, unless I reveal the orange peel
    Of the leather-fleshed bounce with the pill I more than feel

    ..red, of passion, love, desire,... an intensity

    It heals, akin to time that I invest on the hardwood
    Gain interest, dividends start where the scars stood
    I think back to the ink track etched in my chest flesh
    With his name emblazoned beneath the stretched mesh
    And his speech: "I wish that I could have seen you come up, son.
    I danced with the devil.." and it burned like a blunt does
    Or a pipe rather, I see how dreams might shatter,
    When only the night's blacker,
    than your pocket holes, and your wobbly hold on what's right scatters
    into roach ashes the light gathers, and you don't know if life matters,
    And your plight's sadder than your "useless" existence
    Spent in the prison system, but then I tell him "pops.. listen:

    "If it wasn't for your absence, I wouldn't have the flame
    That inspired all the fire, my desire for the game"
    He blinked tears back, cracked a sad grin, spilled a laugh..

    Echoing in my head the night before the NBA Draft..

    [​IMG]
    test
  6. IAmBenT

    IAmBenT Eat a dick, faggot

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    extension is fine
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  7. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    GL - Your flow and imagery were off the hook. Everything read smoothly and the rhymes were natural. I was rather happy with how everything came together and although some of the wording like "The cost of love…them both turning blue…" had me wondering why you said them instead of they. I understand you could have used both and saying them makes sense too but i became curious as to why, more so for my own development. Overall a pretty nice and deep story. Good work


    Bent - I really liked the amount of detail you did here. The story had a good flow and nice imagery. The pace was a little long at times. I understand why though. You wanted to show the reader every bit of detail. I gave it felt long to me because the topic wasn't as thrilling as i had hoped. Still this was a pleasant read and it was written really well. Good work here.

    V/ GL? Bent's story wasn't very entertaining to me and dragged on in places for me. He still wrote one of the better story on the week, so far.
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  9. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    smh..

    GL?- you captivate the story with the same rhythm and delivery of spoeken word. you tell your story with poetic lines that are acknowledgley skillfull.. basially your story was about a man and how he drowned and it seemed like it was from suicide. but there's some hints that he was murdered but hold up.. wit just re-read it. and it looks here as your using cnnective themes of drowning and dying and love beng the underlining factor.
    sorta not exactly a story, byt more a monolague topical..

    IamBent:
    holy shit man... this story was inspiring and clever i can't believe how well you rhymed this and delived a progressive biography about MJ the greatest. i was brought to a level of influential clearity on the man and his personality it really open's my eye to his ethic and person. fuckin blew GL out the waters man.. fuck the wack votes. this was VOW
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  10. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Got Life? - this is one of the best stories ive read in the last few weeks. really enjoyed the build up and the way this all progressed throughout the story. the flow and imagery was good as well. the only issue i really had was the beginning was a bit illogical. unless the wife was swept away by a wave, why the fuck was she swimming during the winter? but aside from that this was great.

    Bent - also a very nice story. something weird for the rstl, as in it didnt have a sad ending, lol. but this was very detailed, and felt like watching a movie. something that took me out of the story at the beginning was "But not today, The boombox dropped the new Dr. Dre, I pictured me, spider dribbling, to "Hip Hop Hooray"!" now, i know you didnt mean it this way, but it read to me like you were saying hip hop hooray was a dr. dre song. also at times some rhymes seemed a little forced, though at times they were very impressive.

    in the end this was a very tough battle to call. match of the week. but i think i liked GL?'s story a little more.
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  11. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

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    Got Life? - I have to say i was feeling this. The story depicted was amazing. You have a very strong grasp for imagery and content. That seemed to be your strengths in this verse. The ending was absolutely marvelous, and it went well with the picture shown. One thing I had trouble with - Was this meant to be spoken word for part of it and flowed in other parts? Reason is, it was very hard to really put to a beat or maintain some sort of flow with it. Nevertheless, this was a very strong piece.

    IAmBent - Flow is on point. I have to point that out right away. You have a strong grasp for flow. Your story was interesting. I like the way you were going with it. A very clever piece. I think it could have been a bit shorter, or maybe went in depth about the father being away for so long instead of what seemed like 2 or 3 lines about the father being away? I personally felt it dragged a bit. I enjoyed the read, because of the flow. You have a mature sense of vocabulary as well which made for a nice read.

    I feel this will be battle of the week. Both of you guys came in here and wrote. It was a battle of 2 different styles.

    Vote - Got life?

    Overall Imagery won this for me.

    Nice job guys.
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  12. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    GL up 3 to 0
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  13. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    Got - Good pacing, great narration and efficient use of imagery to bring this to a more 3D feel. At some points the narration, though great, was a bit to choppy and I felt it sort of bumped the piece along. Still, message was received fine, flow was the reason.

    Not a story of great original merits, though I hope this is a fresh piece :double: because for our champ match I'm going to give something I've never have.


    Great verse, bro. See you next week.


    Bent- OK, I felt all the stanza quotes and all the quotes and titles on top really put a messy feel on this verse. Only because the verse could have stood on it's on weight and carried the same message on its own merits.

    So with all that inner noise from the breaks of quotes I had to get back in to the story that was developing really fast. You just didn't need them.

    The rhymes and word choices were really a relief on the eyes, and it made the whole piece read well. Not great, but well.

    What I want to say to you is you don't have to focus on every single motion and play by play to get the picture across...Moives don't even do this, and the magic created when you edit sense. Think about this and incorporate in developing a story. To me, it seemed you gave an imagery account for every small action, that really pigeoned holed this verse.

    Brother, I say this because you are a competent writer and maybe you'll recognize where to improve. As it stands your technicalities of rhymes and themes are strong enough to still make this a good verse.



    V- GL?
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  14. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    GL? wins 4-0
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