[Week 46] [Champion] C. ShadowWarriorfs(24-16) v 2. WarMachine(7-2)v 3. S. Issue(3-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, Feb 15, 2010.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    [​IMG]

    VERSES

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
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    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM EST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
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    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

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    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    NASTY- LyRiKaLxLoRd
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
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  2. S. Issue

    S. Issue Who?

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    908
    test
  3. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
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  4. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    I need an extension til Saturday Night. It is moving day today and i won't get my internet in my place til Saturday evening
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  5. S. Issue

    S. Issue Who?

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    908
    "Hardcore"


    Wrists bound, she’s gagged. Splayed now she hangs
    with hands around her neck, plagued by sinning pangs.
    She loves the way a cock gets caught in her throat,
    and she chokes. Emotes— just begging to be awoke
    from the darkness, out cold beneath a man’s hardness.
    Strength he can harness— pain assured the sharpest.
    She doesn’t need whips or chains, just slip her frame
    against the grain and bust her tight jaw’s simple pane.
    Insane how her body accepts the bruise, black and blue.
    It will take all she has to get him to crack her tooth,
    she’ll smack him too. She laughs a few and gnashes
    teeth at lashes drawn leaving wrists in slashes
    cut by rope, splashing blood that dashes her eyes.
    She isn’t in love unless she nearly dies or flashes cries
    full of hurt. Mind the time, the clock’s turning hands alert
    flashing eyes that light her murk.
    It stops. She’s got to work.

    Steps into the street discrete, quiet and nice
    quite neat in her pleats and sweater, but its her vice
    that makes her such a treat. Likes to be beat and loves dick
    soft or stiff: doesn’t matter she needs and craves it.
    A monster, still a whopper when walking through town—
    sweet talker, pillow romper, she craves to blow now.
    At her job she slobs knobs, but doesn’t swallow the gob
    ‘cause she respects her man though he’s just a slob.
    She throbs after their thrusts, grabs her tits and adjusts
    to hear them cuss under their breath, empty their nuts.
    All day her breath saws away in her chest as she fucks
    each one indepth, they’re literally up in her guts.
    She clocks out, heading down to get inside her ride
    But her boss reminds her, this is a nine to five.
    Takes his time with her bent over his BMW’s trunk.
    On her way home she’s silent, her legs covered in spunk.

    Her lips licked as she enter and grabs his slick dick.
    She doesn’t speak, but guzzles deep. Gets sick.
    Puke and saliva on his pubes before supper’s done
    because her job isn’t to cook, its to swallow cum.
    She doesn’t drone, doesn’t come home and say word
    because she knows her job is to be obscene.
    Not heard.

    Women should be obscene and not heard.
    --Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)
    ___________________________________

    Good luck fellows.
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  6. WarMachine

    WarMachine The Legend.

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2008
    Messages:
    71
    Hi guys, I have had some terrible news and I am not able to write this week, I would very much appriciate not having a loss because technically I didn't compete, remove from this match please and I wish the very best of luck to both of you, may the best man win the title, I will be back next week when I feel a little bit better, thankyou.
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  7. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    thats bull shit. you get a loss, and you just no-showed so you have to sign back in.
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  8. S. Issue

    S. Issue Who?

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    908
    Thank goodness.
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  9. WarMachine

    WarMachine The Legend.

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2008
    Messages:
    71
    Then thats fine if I get a loss, thats why I said I would appriciate it but you don't get everything in life, I would appriciate however you not saying it quite in that manner because I have had some bad news.

    Life > Rapmusic.
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  10. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Escalated Love

    [​IMG]

    She was young back then, breath warmed the wind
    Milky smooth skin, a youth standing without a friend
    I watched from the side as her hair covered her teary eyes
    Her eerie cries exposed the hate and fear inside
    “We are alive.” I said with reassurance in my voice
    Ground moist at her feet, sweat leaks without a choice
    She began her decent from the light in the sky
    Each step made her wonder if she might die
    Trapped in situations that were difficult living in
    So I departed and followed her into oblivion
    Hoping to protect her from darkness that persist in life
    She watched as I removed my wings with a knife
    We began walking slowly, without direction
    Clouds dark, sparks radiate from the southern section
    God was angry yet I continued to walk with her
    Together amongst this world, labeled a drifter
    I loved her but I decided that she must not know
    Corrupted by passion, perhaps intimacy I must not show
    We eventually stopped as the waters became more turbulent
    Hearing a loud pop, she watched me quiver from the disturbance
    Seeing flashes as the lightning targets her chest
    I pushed her away as I’m struck from the left
    I began losing conscience as I struggle to maintain my breath
    She screamed for me to “wake up” but all I wanted was rest
    I realized that she loved me then, my death did devastate
    Beating on my torso, my lungs couldn’t resuscitate
    Every year from that moment she memorialize my passing
    Remembering my smile the most when I was laughing
    She stood there in front of the steps of heaven
    As flower pedals dive from her hand and into the ocean​
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  11. Vaudeville

    Vaudeville New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2010
    Messages:
    32
    S. Issue, your verse read very fluidly. You maintained the rhyme scheme's complexity throughout. And while I'm a believer that nearly all rhymes are forced -- if you didn't have to rhyme, you wouldn't -- there were only occasional spots where the content was diminished by the rhyme. I did feel the concept of the piece was a bit half-baked. You created a character, but neither developed her back story and state of mind nor told a real story with a true plot arc. I suppose this could have been an intentional decision framed around the quote you used as a topic, sort of a statement that this woman's life doesn't matter as long as she continues giving blow jobs. But I did feel the story was redundant. Perhaps instead of generalities, you could have went with vividly describing a single scene for the bulk of the story, then explained that was her life toward the end. Overall, this was a good, but not great, verse. Technically, it was sound. In the future, I would like to see what you could do with more thought on story structure and character development.

    ShadowWarriorfs, your verse felt very rushed. The piece suffered from disconnection and awkward phrasing. You hopped from metaphor to metaphor but failed to spend enough time developing the grounded reality to ensure those metaphors made sense. The rhyme scheme was fairly simple -- in both a good and bad way -- but the flow dropped off noticeably in the second half of the verse. I would spend more time breaking down the verse, but I really feel as though, judging from its length and some of the sloppy errors, you spent less time on this than you normally would. If so, it showed.

    My vote, then, goes to S. Issue.
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  12. Souled In

    Souled In New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2010
    Messages:
    100
    S. Issue
    the only real problem I have with this writing is that, well, you know it is colorful, it has flow, its somewhat ironic, but it is... it's still boring. for ex.

    Insane how her body accepts the bruise, black and blue.
    It will take all she has to get him to crack her tooth,
    she’ll smack him too. She laughs a few and gnashes
    teeth at lashes drawn leaving wrists in slashes

    Why would I enjoy, yay her body is black and blue, she cracks her too, and she smacks him too.. she laughs.. a few.. then gnashes her teeth.. leaving wrists in slashes. Just becuase it is supposed to rhyme, doesn't mean it shouldn't be good for someone to read. :)

    But her boss reminds her, this is a nine to five.
    Takes his time with her bent over his BMW’s trunk.
    ~see, you seem to have lack of an actual storyhere.. just random thoughts.. yea.. by the way the boss does her on the bmw... oh and to make it special, its on the trunk!

    sorry.. i know i cant write either.. but come on, you have great skill, dont waste it

    Shadow... pretty smooth

    Hoping to protect her from darkness that persist in life
    She watched as I removed my wings with a knife
    ~whoa how did you even get here... majorly rushed my friend

    okay.. you had good imagery.. some good emotion.. a good subtle way of blending the story... of course.. it wasnt much of an actual story, but still pretty good, i didnt mind reading it at all, and at times it was quite pleasant

    Vote Shadow.. just more smooth, better overall
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  13. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Match ends in a 1-1 tie
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