[Week 45] [Contender] 3. Obsent Hope318(1-0) vs 4. Got Life?(1-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Jul 5, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSES
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
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    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
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    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
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    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
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    test
  2. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
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    Nom nom nom
    test
  3. Obsent Hope318

    Obsent Hope318 New Member

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    test
  4. Obsent Hope318

    Obsent Hope318 New Member

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    over the nas N.I.G.G.E.R. beat

    YouTube - ‪Nas - ****** Instrumental‬‏


    the amount of hell I've gone through has me at full vent...
    u light up and observe ...
    I'll light up a cinnamon stick and show you this ..

    the way I'm feeling tonight I could start a new beginning
    releasing tension sending clocks to a relapse no elapse of time
    no clouds in the sky, just I.. letting out a rebel yell
    denying the presence of hell. pictured in something cinematic
    I grabbed it ..in slow mo u see me moving to let it out
    to the then and now.. then, is the frustration of slavery
    I'll go beyond that,
    where is Jesus and Adam at
    launched back, judging life based on what the Lord gave me
    I'll see those if's and maybe's and bring em to a close
    a conclusion that rose like a rose, mouth now gaping open..
    sweat falling.. be better than your last day was my slogan
    packing arms like Hulk Hogan, I shake em off like a south dance
    enhanced by a Jesus piece I offered peace to Jesus
    by Jesus I mean some of his most loyal creatures
    with features to meet your most eager hustle man
    I stand on a front to battle but their muscle ran...

    on knees I stand with...
    wisdom to put the world on its axis, mission to battle Axis
    with money and war on my mind I close both my eyes..
    to remember the better days,…of rocking the mic with a bush in my hand
    to things like first kisses with not much in my plans
    from shoes to favorite flicks.. scenes flash so vivid
    given a glimmer of hope.. but I glimmer dope...
    and the scene is something splendid...

    isnt it nice to see a life and take it for what it is
    nothing made up just the given truth, with given proof
    with sweat and tears flying I echoed like mating calls
    feeling the muscles in my face, I gagged a little so I stalled
    a battle cry. and that was for never accepting me as Black!
    and that was for all the sad times! [then I relaxed]
    that was for never saying anything, sucking it up!
    that was for taking all the credit, sucking it up!
    this is for killing poetry!
    that is for thinking I do this so you knowing me!
    and that!... [I pause a little so I could breathe]
    ...is for me from the heavens to the seas
    and all that's beneath
    to firmaments of space, and for rapping with out taste

    [​IMG]
    test
  5. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    Wish upon a Star

    It's Christmas Eve...on the bed lies Star,
    Her guise bizarre as her thighs lie far-
    Apart for an Angel of only ten years old,
    Her tears unfold as she fears the hold,
    Upon her once innocent, now tainted form,
    And so...what was once a sainted swarm-
    Of butterflies and lullabies now storms,
    With fiery hatred...livid, to plow norms,
    As she performs acts way beyond her age,
    A defenseless victim spawned from rage...
    Trying to wish upon a star for it to end,
    But the glowing stickers are a dying trend,
    They can't actually save her from this,
    Bleeding...needing a savior's numb kiss,
    To dull away the pain and the memories,
    You know, the Novocaine and the remedies,
    Til Star can't feel her extremities,
    Hiding behind concealed identities.

    Star hoped to escape her father's grasp,
    Crying...as he never bothers to clasp-
    A hand over her face, he loves her pain,
    As he thrusts and just shoves cocaine-
    Right under her nose...fucking her up,
    Another father whose lust did erupt,
    Ruining the innocence of his little girl,
    As she breaks down and begins to hurl,
    Still...what hurts most is mom's silence,
    Who has not one qualm with violence,
    It just eats at the core of Star's soul,
    As the pain and roar grows universal,
    For six years Star lay wishing, hoping,
    twitching, moping, as dad stayed choking-
    Her...and feeling like a superstar,
    A sex machine, unveiling her gaping scar,

    Mom in the other room, twiddling thumbs,
    Washing away through belittling slums,
    So every night she wished upon the stars,
    That she could just spawn some SARS,
    And give that gift to her daddy instead,
    Watching him choke as daddy turned red,
    But the star she wished upon never shot,
    A glow in the dark sticker her brother had bought,
    Tormenting Star with Angels & Demons,
    As she chokes down tears on a mattress from Seamens.

    And so with time, little Star has grown,
    Hiding behind drugs and a jazzy throne,
    Through music, that girl found a solution,
    Allowing Star's profound retribution,
    She would exact revenge upon her father,
    And the mother that never did bother,
    To go ahead and save Star's innocence,
    And so her plot grew limitless in a sense...

    Until Christmas eve, when she burst in the door,
    In tow, a boyfriend, thirsting for gore,
    They tied mom down, she never blinked,
    Forced to see a memory forever distinct,
    As in walked Daddy to end up stabbed,
    By Star with the first thing that she grabbed,
    A glow in the dark sticker, her saving grace,
    And with daddy's death...
    Her pain left without a trace.

    [​IMG]
    test
  6. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Obsent - Lyrically, this was pretty smooth read and it was easy to follow. The rhymes were pretty solid despite being simplistic. The mechanics were solid as well. The only issue i had here was that it wasn't really a story or at least didn't read as such. I wanted to have a character or someone to draw me more into the piece which was lacking here. Still a pretty good verse and an improvement from last week


    GL? - Impressive story here. the mechanics were solid as usual. This felt natural. A free flowing story that was smooth and entertaining. I liked the direction of the story and the development here. I couldn't really find a flaw in it. Perhaps if i had to say something it would be to bring in a more unique twist to your story. Good work.


    V/ GL? for having a more complete, better developed story. Good work guys
    test
  7. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    test
  8. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Obsent - you're headed in the right direction. rhymes and flow were smooth. mechanically this was cool. the problem, as shadow said, was the lack of a real story. there were no characters to follow or anything to really get you drawn in to this story. work on developing that aspect, and you'll do well in the league. keep practicing.

    GL? - well ya kinda forced that "from this/numb kiss" rhyme. lol. aside from that though this was flawless. kinda eerie, im watching Diane Sawyer interview Jaycee Dugard while reading this. this was a good verse though. entertaining story, nice flow, good lyrics. only complaint is that you didnt really finish up the part about the mom. she was tied up and left? shoulda killed her off as well. but good verse.

    vote- GL?
    test
  9. IAmBenT

    IAmBenT Eat a dick, faggot

    Joined:
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    Obsent - so glad you gave a beat for this, your flow was bad ass, great use of vocab to spread your ideas around CONCISELY, poetic type construction, and a nice wrap up at the end, i would have liked to see a little more connection (from BOTH of yall) to the pic, otherwise why use it??

    GL? - solid verse, it felt herky jerky at times, but some of the multis you used were deceptively smart and very original, the ending to me seemed a bit contrived, but the builup and description were good and made me cringe, so you came thru solidly with emotional description, and I really like the play on wish upon a Star.

    Vote -GL? for a consistent, smart verse through and through
    test
  10. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    GL wins 3 to -2
    test
  11. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    76,201
    GL wins 3 to -2
    test
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