[Week 43] [Championship] 1. Dicnyaeye(6-0) vs 2. Kryptikal(3-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, Jan 25, 2010.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    [​IMG]

    VERSES

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
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    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
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    AIM NAMES
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  2. Dicnyaeye

    Dicnyaeye N CuM oN Ya BrAiN

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    251
    Contendership is actually getting more respect than the championship.... SMH...
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  3. Kryptikal

    Kryptikal Soulstice.

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2005
    Messages:
    342
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  4. Kryptikal

    Kryptikal Soulstice.

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2005
    Messages:
    342
    808's and Estrangement

    This is Jonathon


    [​IMG]

    He sits down, a block from The Radio Box, strummin' his tunes
    Mutterin lyrics under the sun and the moon, hummin' the blues
    He's had that 6-string forever, the parts corrupted and bruised
    It looked dusty and used.. still he would strum for the few
    That would listen and they'd be put in the loveliest mood
    A winter changed to the most comfortable June ..
    ... playing honest notes from his spirit
    Not just something to do, he'd pray the people would hopefully hear it
    It was his most triumphant of tools, a guitar known as his dearest
    With lyrics of sheer wit, the most sincere of his peers
    Yet few ears kissed his music, each passer-byer a near miss
    Over years, they'd dissapear quick, just a quick hike up the hill
    To those who claimed "Hear this - I've got the tightest of skill"
    They'd rape the mic in a syllable and then sell hype in a pill
    Jon felt for them - a young him, enticed by the bills
    Caught in a vice that could determine the price of their will
    Or if they'd like the 'iciest grill'.. Jonathon weeped for these soldiers
    Felt like they've fell asleep at the wheel of a Jeep or a Rover
    Every one looking like meat on a poster - Jon knew his kind's time was up
    So he picked up his guitar, and for one final time, he plucked

    This is Thomas

    The clock strikes six, and The Box ain't lacking nightly consumers
    Although what used to be lifeblood is more like vitreous humor
    Yes, every face on the shelf is decidely useless
    ... but it will take time to prove it
    Sales rates have been finding improvement..
    ever since the public had loosely defined this as music
    No time for improvement - just for a new make and model!
    Every blonde hair-do singing the new compatriot gospel
    Yes, the fakest will prosper, as Thomas sits by himself
    From his corner office watching blank CD's fly off the shelf
    King Midas, who else? A golden touch, a brutish head
    A handsome grin, a nice car and the most beautiful threads
    But he's truthfully dead, the son didn't oulive the father
    Who's right down the street, but Tom's proud to bother
    He plays his "music" louder and farther, but today the patrons ignore it
    They hear distant guitar strings, their vibrations imploring
    To turn off the station's snoring - and head down the hill
    So Thomas watched as they were drawn in by the profoundest of skill
    Headed down the mountain at will - to the transcendental bard
    To the dirty streets where the only pension's guitars
    A potential enemy, CHARGE! Thought Tom as he proceeded down
    But another chance to kill a man and steal his crown
    As Jonathon strummed again.. this time with feeling now

    This is A Reunion

    Thomas stopped in his tracks..
    .. too stunned and too dazed to pause and react
    And pulled out a gun before his conscience could act
    He started cocking the gat "Wait... son, don't do this"
    Pleaded Jon, knowing Tom was utterly ruthless
    Ready to put slugs in this nuisance, Tom looked down his sights
    He would end Jonathon here, in the ground and goodnight
    "Your power and might, they're great, son.. but I need you to hear
    Your current lifestyle, son, is severly austere
    See, Earth is merely a sphere, filled with simple artifacts
    A sphere we must fill with a love, it's called art, in fact.."
    Tom's target waxed poetic - "I birthed you to spread my gospel
    Of beautiful music, yet the direction your headed is hostile
    Now my reflection is awful, now your just full of extortion
    "SHUT UP!" Tom tightened his fingers and the bullet reported
    Should've put 'em in mordem, but Tom was a shaky shot
    Jon was hit in the shoulder, and Tom left him to wait and rot
    Another vagrant lost - Tom thought as he headed back to the Box
    Jonathon lay prone in the gutter, his cause practically lost
    The music he mastefully wrought, gone, now only plastic tunes
    But there were a few people who heard him that afternoon
    That would take up his craft and soon be on their own corner
    Inspired by Music Himself, although deep in post mortem
    while others chase their own fortune - inspired by Music's Son
    Corporate Greed himself, the bitter one who used the gun
    And as the future comes - whether for better or worse
    We await the next movement, the next correction in verse
    Changes so complex and diverse - so only one things known for certain
    Even when the concert is over, you can never close the curtain

    Music will live forever.
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  5. Dicnyaeye

    Dicnyaeye N CuM oN Ya BrAiN

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    251
    Introduction

    This vision's a blaze, you'll receive in life's critical stage
    Time ticking away until all your senses just fade
    Rinsing the tastes out of mouths who keep spitting up hate
    In ignorant rage seeming extremely dense and insane
    But when we dispense of the waste that these mentally slaved....
    Bitches have made, leaving bloody trails of menstrual decay
    The stench is too great and everyone suffers; cringing in pain
    Until the tension that reigns is given a face
    This is a game and all of us are sentenced to play
    Within the range of good and evil thoughts tinting our brains
    And pinching our veins til blood flows so slow, we're physically drained
    With no heart to give to the great Kings cuz they're missing an Ace
    An integral phase is choosing whether revenge is replayed
    Or will we amaze even ourselves in the gift of old age
    Submitting to faith in hopes to be forgiven with grace
    Before the ending of days lays us into our graves



    Main Topics:


    [​IMG]

    Star Gazer

    Crystal is dazed... eyes staring at stars trickling through space
    But looking like an intricate maze of intimate shapes
    These images played through her mind like repeat spins from DJs
    And the effects have similar traits from her hips to her waist
    She'd sit and embrace the ground or the sand as if she's mounting a man
    Then lay back and charge up her plan; watching stars as they danced
    A great twist to start a romance, but making it last was the challenge
    Needing that view before proceeding to do her passionate madness
    Relapsing was tactless; Crystal didn't ask if they wanted to try
    She'd withhold sex to punish the guys who wouldn't make love to the sky
    A troubling vice because of her eyes, D cups and butt that was nice
    They would become so enticed and get naked while running outside
    But she settled for less and less because of unsettling stress
    Sex was just sex: strictly using the bed for her rest
    This new year's eve doing her thing seemed easy as cake
    That evening Jake was the tease she would bait in her meaningless date
    Turning the dinner party into feasting foreplay
    As they sat with a balcony view of the beach house estate
    He played with her toes under the table and that basted her bones
    No taking it slow, only 9pm and marinating her clothes
    Desert was taken to go in obvious ways for them both
    But I'm stating it though...
    1 was sweet food, 2 was making her moan
    They changed into robes, pacing the coast wearing blankets as coats
    She laid down exposed, penetrated by the shape of his nose
    Apple Brown Betty flavored his throat making taste buds explode
    Crystal held his face as she rode, staring through space as he chokes
    She came and made Jake a float to wash down the rest of the food
    Turned him on his back to attack since he bettered her mood
    Wetness exudes as she rests on his tool, his chest to her boobs
    Kissing him too, while thrashing her hips to get in the groove
    But then comes his crew, but little did they know what Crystal could do
    One grabbed her from behind, but she rolled off Jake and kicked out his tooth
    Sending her boot through his cheek as she gets up confused
    Looks at the sky; her fantasy leaks waterfalls into blood pools
    The next victim is screwed from behind with a stiletto heel
    Like the same plot they're risking to do reversed til death gets revealed
    The next, she just killed quickly and brutal with four kicks through his pupils
    Walks slowly back to Jake after death sentencing two ghosts
    Gives him the roughest kiss across his bloody lips
    And rubs it in by smashing his mouth until his tongue is ripped
    Crystal looks up again.... her loving dreamscape has crashed
    Into a nightmare where she has become a demon at last
    Seeing her past flash before her in several scenes to a path
    Through a gateway to hell with a lifetime extended seasonal pass
    That evening had to happen to Crystal before the clarity shined
    Just like the gem her name represents, her beauty must stem from inside
    It's within your life to make the changes that will lift you to stride
    And being that mentally high is truly kissing the sky


    Ending Topic:
    Eclipse of Madness
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  6. S. Issue

    S. Issue Who?

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    908
    Krypt: You know, I was digging the story of big business versus the truth of music, but overall it just wasn't interesting enough for me. I found myself picking apart the rhythm and scheme a little instead of being drawn in by them to want to be in this story. You told it well, good details and use of language, but your flow felt off in places. Just a syllable short or long made it awkward. I think you did a pretty decent job of showing some strong images, but they get glossed over because the flow was a smidge choppy-- in this case the story wasn't enough to hold my interest without good mechanics and this wasn't quite enough. I've also seen the personification of certain entities (in this case music and the industry) too often. I felt it kind of cheapened it for me. If you let These two men stand as symbols and don't tell us what they represent, I think it works better.

    Dic: This was smooth. good flow and I didn't really feel any chop in it at all. Maybe once or twice I was a little caught, but thats probably got more to do with what I was expecting to come, not the actual writing. The story was interesting, somewhat fresh, and fun. I enjoyed reading it and wanted to keep reading to the end. I think it made for a good piece because the mechanics are so 'there' that they get out of the story's way. I almost don't notice your multi use or the internal structure, but its there and evident in how well this piece moves from A to B. My only qualm, albeit a small one, is with the repetition of 'through' in that fight scene. It seems a bit overused, though I get the attempt. Might try to vary it a bit next time because it kind of just got old hearing it in my head. Overall, though, good stuff.

    VOTE: Dic
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  7. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,692
    Krypt - This was a very good take on the picture. I figured you go this route when i saw the picture and you didn't disappoint. The flow was good, i thought. It was consistent and read relatively smooth. The rhymes were cool. I thought that the story seemed to drag when you got to the end. However, your detail was very good and you had good imagery. Nicely done

    fave line -
    "Yes, every face on the shelf is decidely useless
    ... but it will take time to prove it
    Sales rates have been finding improvement..
    ever since the public had loosely defined this as music"

    Dic - This was extremely well written. The rhymes in this piece were just off the hook and really good. The flow was nicely delivered as well. The story here was just entertaining and amazing to read. The imagery in this was very good and i think that if you continue to write like this, you will be difficult to beat

    Fave line -
    "Rinsing the tastes out of mouths who keep spitting up hate
    In ignorant rage seeming extremely dense and insane
    But when we dispense of the waste that these mentally slaved....
    Bitches have made, leaving bloody trails of menstrual decay"

    Overall a good battle, Krypt wrote a good story and had good mechanics but it just wasn't enough to beat Dic, would showed his age in this one.

    Vote Dic
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  8. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2005
    Messages:
    2,962
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  9. WarMachine

    WarMachine The Legend.

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2008
    Messages:
    71
    Hmm I'm going to have to go against the grain in this battle reason being one appealed to my personal preferences more than the other. Dic don't get me wrong dude your piece was fire, I really enjoyed it, it had some nice language and you worded it well to bring a pretty nice read, your storyline worked well througout and your rhymescheme read off the tongue well there was no major choppiness at all, good read. For me though I though Kryptikal matched and overtook Dic with his piece because for me im into all the blues stuff and this style really got to me a little more, I thought it was simple, read very well, the stroyline was great once I got in between the lines and your emotion was great. I liked the way you split it up and gave me three storys to tie them up at the end into one big one, overall like I said just a personal preference for me. Vote/Kryptikal.
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  10. Kryptikal

    Kryptikal Soulstice.

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2005
    Messages:
    342
    nothing to vote on sorry... gl took down his piece
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  11. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,692
    Dic wins 2-1
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