[Week 42] [Contender] 3. Fairydance2000(13-7) vs 4. nom is dull(9-2)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Jun 13, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSES
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    test
  2. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Joined:
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    test
  3. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Joined:
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    wrath

    WRATH

    Sunday evening the darkness drifts in.
    Maybe the clouds will hide the sins,
    The sins of a father who should have known better,
    and a mother who could have stopped this peta
    File for divorce. or something worse.
    She had the power to change the course
    Of destruction that was going on below.
    She pretends she can’t hear me. that she didn’t know
    She worships this man that has worked so hard,
    to bring her to this land and get her green card
    While I am still bound to the place known as Hell!
    Kept in darkness! Locked in a cell
    Bare 4 walls, no window with a view,
    being abused, while she cooks chicken cordon bleu
    Bucket for a toilet. Rags for clothes!
    Scars all over! Black eyes, bloody nose!
    I know who’s to blame for all of my pain
    that’s made me insane. Trapped in their game!
    Like tic tac toe. I won’t let go of the chance to win!
    To commit the same sin on my next of kin
    Till the day my bones rest in a hole.
    Suffering inside, tormented soul! I have never lost sight of my final goal!
    The days too long, endless it seems,
    I behold all my shattered schemes and distorted dreams
    Of rape Torture and dismemberment.
    My heart, mind and soul filled with hatred and resentment
    Until finally I could take it no more!
    As the wrath of my hatred had come to the fore
    Ground that was smeared with my blood sweat and tears.
    Too many years I have sat here with fears
    This time I am ready for you to violate me.
    Repeated stabs to his neck. A skeleton key!
    Rip out his eyes from his wretched head.
    Stomp his face in until my feet are blood red. He is dead!
    I snatched up my clothes that were thrown all around.
    For the first time in years I go above ground
    The sunlight was burning my eyes. I could barely see.
    Her silhouette to my surprise with her back to me
    The cellar door slams shut. But she doesn’t flinch,
    her flesh I will take inch after inch
    She will feel my wrath as I slice ever so slight.
    my first real meal! Enjoyable! Bite after bite.
    Drag her ass to the cellar to live as long as she can,
    No food, just a knife and her mangled man.
    If she wants to survive. If she wants to live.
    This will be HER hell, I will never forgive!




    "The bruises heal but the pain never goes away"
    test
  4. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    The flow here was nice and the rhymes were good. I hated the color red you used.. It was hard for me to really read lol I liked the quick lines. They read nicely but i felt that when you have lines like these, you don't need to fill them with soo many rhymes. it takes away from the lines and the imagery imo. I thought the story was well delivered tho. I'm glad you took a slightly different view here. It will help make you a more diverse writer. Good work
    test
  5. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2000
    Messages:
    24,097
    WOW great story development. Great Rhyme scheme, didn't over do it, and tbh it made ur whole narration excel from what im used to b/c it added depth to ur regular writing voice.
    favorite line was the Peta-FILE FOR DIVORCE line ahha


    and the tic-TAC-toe i felt was a subliminal against tac hahaha

    good stuff fairy come back soon!
    test
  6. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    fairy wins by no show
    test
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