[Week 40] [Champ] C. IAmBent(8-2) vs 2. TheInkwell(2-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, May 31, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSES
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 se
    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
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    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

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    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
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    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

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    T.a.C- thedude8125
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  2. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

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  3. IAmBenT

    IAmBenT Eat a dick, faggot

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    1,356
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  4. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

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    is it cool if i get an extension? i barely chose a topic lol
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  5. IAmBenT

    IAmBenT Eat a dick, faggot

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    extension sounds great, i too will need it
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  6. IAmBenT

    IAmBenT Eat a dick, faggot

    Joined:
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    1,356
    A Day In The Life Of A Construction Worker

    Prologue
    I live and feel every inch of the city's brick and steel,
    Sit and peel its skin from a mile above the wicked wheel,
    Is it REAL? Watch it spin dizzily below widow makers,
    Work till the sun's gone, as God mocks our brittle 'scrapers,
    Little capers, small babylons within smog and bitter vapors,
    Above glass, ashes, trash, plastic, and littered papers...


    I kissed my daughters with their mother on the way that day
    to hit the job and be a father, feeling great, got paid!
    Hop in the RAM, plate in the back says "ARNWRKR"
    20 years, proud journeyman, swamper, strong roper,
    From shovel jockey, tin knocker, wood butcher to rod buster
    Grease monkey who eats dogs at lunch with hot mustard
    Yard ape's a pusher at times, when I'm hookin up pipes,
    or when we stop to gawk at a hot looker in tights,
    Whistle whether she's white, black, spanish or oriental!
    Ya.. I got a wife, but boys'll be boys! It's that simple :cheers:
    Alright, get back fellas, lets go!, yells the head honcho
    Today the white hats with suits got us zooming pronto
    Nerves stretched as boards cut real short, greenhorn grunts report
    Their hic-ups, this sucks.. "Yo, what the fuck we brung you for!"
    Mistakes cost bucks and lives, the vet rubs his eyes,
    Forget the dumpster dive, ...when someone's husband dies..
    We try to make light of it like Sparkies, brewskies at the bar scene
    Keep us duct-tape tight like ComeAlongs on a far beam
    Single guys with the blue flu, tar babies on the roof crew,
    Hot wrench burn steel black-red as Desmond Tutu,
    The smell of hot lead and cold metal is my savage lab
    From the muckers to the truckers, Motherfucker, its my habitat...
    But the saddest fact is that, the white hats bring sick gifts..
    I bear witness, six Mastercraftsmen with pink slips..
    I'm glad it ain't me but one day it maybe? That's crazy,
    Never lazy, haven't missed a day.. now can't feed your babies?!
    Makes you wanna crack your whiskey stick and pour a shot
    Or run a dozer, full speed and 'modify' the fucking corner block
    Watch the whole bitch crumble into rubble like a plane hit it..
    And I don't mean the beach, wishing the frame would take a crane visit..
    Ugh! This is lame, quit it, gotta focus on the task man..
    Give thanks that you're not some nailbender in the Afghan
    Read on the web, eleven dead, from some bomb explosion
    Riding in to work, like me, Bob, and Steve sipping Molsons
    Do every morning, ... can't imagine waking up to that
    You and your buds, sipping suds, talking sons, running smack
    Then *CRACK* goes the blow, and a brush rushing back like
    A thousand jack hammers in the truck crushing trapped spines
    The horror of the flames and the smoke and the pain
    Is abhorrent to my brain and I know its insane
    So I say a quick prayer of thanks above the skyline
    See the sunset, empty the lunchpail of my mind
    And Breaatthhe... as another day is punched in, suspend
    every worry 20 stories above city's rough skin
    10 Feet for every year that I've spent within skeletons
    From when I stood high up, knees shook like thin gelatin
    The beer belly weight made me look like an elephant
    The love of my family renders it all irrelevant...

    Hop in the RAM and drive off, another day gone..
    For some reason.. I wanna see em real bad.. I won't take long. ​
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  7. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

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    Fire Connection

    The siren champions for these people that whimper in comparison
    I hop off as the truck slow, grab the hose, and make connections
    The blazing heat turns the streets into a hotplate, I aim a stream
    Of sixty percent of our body and send it colliding against the building

    I see other trucks pull up with their crew, didn’t notice the child break through
    The caution tape and make his way to where my shadow meets my boots
    Until he tugged on my sleeve… pointed frantically to the building
    Told me his dad was inside… that I had to save him…

    I looked into his dam eyes, trying to hold back a flood
    Tears spouting through the cracks, he reminds me of my son
    And how he looks every time I’m about leave him for the station
    I’d promise him that I’ll come home, don’t mean no deception…

    So, burning building? No thanks, I’ve barely been trained
    My job is to just stand at a distance… aim and spray
    Leave the heroics to someone else, I’ve got a family waiting
    He can stand there all he wants… it won’t sway me…

    … … damn it.

    The hose drools to a gradual death as I release my grip from its neck
    “Fool, you’re not ready yet!” I ignore the shouts from the vets
    Burst, shoulder first, through the door like an awkward first kiss
    The fires not yet extinguished, lap me with their tongues and singe flesh

    Through my coughs and teary eyes, I make out the silhouette of a trapped man
    I glance back at the entrance… if I wanted to turn around, I still can
    No I can’t… ‘cause if that kid was my son, I’d want someone to care
    And I can’t let a child grow up without his father there

    He spots me, screams “please!”, I make my intentions clear
    “Everything is gonna be fine, we’ll get out of here!”

    ..............

    Channel nine morning news, a firefighter lost in last night’s inferno
    Left behind by the man he rescued, details after the commercial

    I keep replaying the footage off youtube, the reason for its thousand views
    He lied to me that night, people tell me it was a brave thing to do

    I wish he was a coward, it wasn’t worth dying for that man
    Yeah, I hold a grudge, can’t let go, it feels so good in my hands
    Every year that scum mails me flowers, I send them back
    Burnt to a crisp with a note, “they died the way I wish you had”

    They died like my dad… both for no reason…
    With no one to make proud… I lost my ambition…
    Every breath since then has been shallow, near asphyxiation
    Dangle my hand over a porta-stove… feels like I’m there with him…



    [​IMG]
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  8. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Joined:
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    284
    Iambent
    Bravo! I think this is my favorite story you have done so far.
    You have stepped up and followed through, your rhymes are very good, and the flow is spot on
    The story held my interest from start to finish; now I would like to point out that what I mean by that
    Is construction work doesn’t interest me. But I understood everything you said and felt I was there in the story, and what’s more I enjoyed it a lot. Very well done!

    TheInkwell
    A nice story, easy to read, I like that.
    There were some good rhymes throughout this piece.
    But I had a little trouble with the flow, at times it was spot on then I would lose it, and regain it
    A few lines later, this didn’t distract from your story, just the flow.
    The imagery was clear and relevant.
    A good job

    Iambent ‘s story was a little deeper, structure was spot on. As was the flow and rhymes
    Vote Iambent
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  9. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Bent - i liked this one better than last week. you always pick topics that seem to be original, something most writers wouldnt go with. loved the beginning, describing the characters journeys in work. the "boys will be boys" line was great, and the icon was perfect with it. from there on you really jumped in to it. this verse was dope. multis/rhymes were slick as usual. good job

    Inkwell - wow. really digging this one, man. at first once you changed from the fireman's perspective to the part about the news coverage, i thought you were going to end it too abruptly. but i was wrong. having his sons perspective was a good twist. really enjoyed the bitterness and resentment the son had towards the man who bailed on his dad. this was also a unique take on the picture.

    vote- Ink. very close battle though, fellas. could go either way like shadow :funny:
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  10. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

    Joined:
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    Bent, I am so glad someone took this topic. I have been a construction worker since I was old enough to pick up a hammer in every industry, residential, commercial, and industrial. And this verse relates to my heart in more ways than you can imagine. I thought about doing this topic but I was unsure of how to do it and you definitely did your thing buddy. "See the sunset, empty the lunchpail of my mind" OMFG!!! Crucial fucking shit homie. "Keep us duct-tape tight like ComeAlongs on a far beam" Alot of people probably don't even get that simile! Good fuckin shit! The entire verse is superb. You are my new idol and I will worship you in sin from this day on.

    Ink, You gave a very well structured story. Perfect for a storytelling verse. You began with suspense which is something I lack. You kept the suspense the entire story and your wording was above average. You wrote a very entertaining story. Your first two stanzas were so awesome in its ability to drag the reader in and thus you really kept the reader into the story. Very poetic in my opinion.


    Vote Bent, This was a tough choice because where one was lacking the other person made up in their verse. Bent was lacking an actual story and Ink gave an actual story (in the sense that stories exists with exposition, climax, and resolution). Ink was lacking in pulling me in to the character's inner being whereas Bent took us on a roller coaster ride through his character's soul. This was a tough choice so I chose the more poetic and relatable verse.
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  11. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
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    24,093
    This was a tough one indeed

    IAMBENT:
    this week you managed to write a "present-time" story with great detail on ones laborious
    life on the job. i agree i like the boy's will be boy's line. i felt the tension and disconnection of the character. i felt his anger his sorrow his hope.. his perseverance. a lot of concept's bundled up into a fantastic display of words and rhymes

    INK:
    i loved how you added dialogue into the narration so naturally it wasn't over done and wasn't "obvious" it read fluidly story was developing and moved at a easy going pace. set the mood just right, good structure as well the flow wasn't too impressive but it was safe and solid. i think you lacked consistent delivery but the story its self was great

    hard to choose a clear winner

    vote-Bent (more charismatic character development)
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  12. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Bent - Good work here. i liked the story and was digging the rhymes and flow. I wondered how you would do in a poetic type of story. Perhaps you will try that for us next week. The story was really nice, i read smoothly and was pretty entertaining. I would say that for next week, i'd try out something new. it's almost tournament time so now is a good time to experiment. Good work



    Ink - I loved this...It was a nice emotional piece. The progression here was nicely paced. It read so easily. I was tied into the story from the story and made me angry and sad in places. This is key here for me and i'm glad you did it. Nicely done here


    Overall a close matchup. Both writers wrote great topics but i have to give this to Ink, It just was more emotionally driven than Bent's. Good work guys amazing piece



    V/ Ink
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  13. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
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    12,377
    Wonderful showing from both authors.

    Many merits on both sides, I was pleasantly more than surprised.

    I saw reflections of how I approach a story, from unfolding a story with ***** succession of details humor wordplay adjectives to presenting a scenario with a dynamic outcome with emotional depth and thoughtfulness.

    This was a very close margin, tight battle, a pleasure to read.

    Both writers told easy stories, with a consistent voice, beautiful execution of their ideas. Both wrote well, from a fundamental standpoint...


    Vote Bent -

    Just slightly more intricate with his rhyme scheme, consistency, quantity and polish, while maintaining interest creativity, and detail.

    Ink had the more thought provoking, emotionally charged story... but was not enough to overcome Bent's plethora of quality lines and overall story crafting.
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  14. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Bent wins 3-1, Ink loses one vote for his vote in LP/nom's match
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