[Week 4][Championship] 1. :.Pain:. (3-0) vs 2. Guttso (3-0) (VOTE)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, Apr 26, 2009.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    [​IMG]



    WEEK 4



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.
    TOPICS ARE IN THE MAG

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  3. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
    Messages:
    480
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  4. .:Pain:.

    .:Pain:. Futurely J. Keeper

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2005
    Messages:
    10,368
    ^lol.

    Vengence is not in your destiny, muh fucka!

    But yea, this should be a hell of a battle. No alternate necessary, I've never no-showed, and I think I only remember you no-showing once before...
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  5. .:Pain:.

    .:Pain:. Futurely J. Keeper

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2005
    Messages:
    10,368
    Bottle Of Painkillers

    Back to the pills again,
    Back to the pain killed thrills again,
    Cuz these enemies are still my friend,
    And I won't truly sleep until my death,
    Lord, help me try to deal with stress,
    Cuz I'm still distressed, I feel depressed,
    I'm still a mess, yes I'm alone,
    Lord, help me try to find a home,


    I got another L rolled, and a prescription drug,
    And I don't exactly what it is or does,
    All I know is I'll be happy once hits my tongue,
    Cuz all those moments in the past seem to be drifting up,
    And I can't quite deal with the stress alone,
    So I find friends in dimes and depressing poems,
    My directions show, nine times outta ten,
    That my type of soul is denied by heaven,
    That's alright, but I'd like to mention,
    That while I was here, I brought a little light to peasants,
    A little life to brethren, I'd give mine to send them,
    Away from this plight, to a timeless endin',
    I'm alone, and I'm cold, I'm extending my hand,
    With hopes that your hold helps me eventually stand,
    I'm lost, without a guide,
    Comin' around first base in a power slide,

    I feel like a vet, my pet is my smoke,
    Nothin' fresh, so I'm sittin', di-ssectin' a roach,
    With a heavy investment in the essence I roll,
    Cuz I'm high all the time, though I'm essentially low,
    So I rise with my rhymes, till heaven is shown,
    Through the life and the times of a peasant with hope,
    My organs are ironclad,
    Cuz my life was sad; I had bouts with the pipes and bags,
    Like the Scottish, my problem was fightin' back,
    There ain't no William Wallace on this white kid's map,
    So a revolution is hard to start,
    Especially with pollution of heart by scars,
    So I spark another blunt, and I jump,
    Away from this fuckin' slum of my love,
    It could be worse, I could be sniffin', a fiend,
    But is that really worse than an addiction to weed?

    A bottle of whiskey, I swallow, it hits me,
    Jim Beam, twisted off the problems and wishing,
    Combine with some muscle relaxers, yea I'm fuckin' relaxin',
    But some think I'm in love with disaster,
    Cuz the paths that I take lead me to that end,
    They shoot back, "It's cool jack, cuz you have friends,"
    I knew that, so true that, but truth packs in,
    I mean old ones, the new facts seem moved back then,
    Too many drugs have invaded my mind,
    It's ironic, that I'll find my patience in time,
    Cuz the problem, seems to take place when I'm fine,
    To bring back me back down to the shades I reside,
    Too many drugs have been in my stomach,
    Too many pills have led me to plummet,
    Too many trips to the swirls and numbness,
    There's too much pain in this world, so fuck it...​
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  6. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
    Messages:
    480
    Success is a Bitch


    Maggie dreamed to be in magazines
    With the masses chanting her name,
    A sad teen donned in dirty jeans
    Nothing passes her way

    Her life’s grey, she’s optimistically brave,
    Her siblings imprisoned and her pop’s in a grave,
    She’s bidding to flee the life she forsakes,
    She’s saved for decades but she doesn’t complain,
    Just kickin’ away at that café every day

    Just scrimps and scrapes, washes plates and dishes
    She fishes for the hope of those welterweight wishes
    She likes professional fights and boxing bad bitches
    He shakes his head as he sees the speed bag swishing.

    Frankie won’t listen; he says “Girlie, tough ain’t enough!”
    It’s rough; violence isn’t cut for women or delicate cunts,
    It’s all shoves, cracked ribs an’ black eyes from the glove,
    Off the cuff Maggie says my heart’s full of passionate stuff,
    Boss I know by my bones that water is thicker than blood
    ‘Coz I gotta fucking fickle family that show me no love

    Success is a bitch
    When you’re fighting with fists!
    Say what?
    I said success is a bitch
    When you’re fighting with fists!

    Time goes on; Frankie and Maggie develop a bond
    Headstrong he knows the ring is where she belongs

    He gives her expert help and she’s
    Tweaked to the peak of physical health
    Legs like stealth, loves every punch an’ pelt
    With heartfelt hopes for the champion’s belt
    She KO’s most of her opponents in matches,
    It brings her wealth and cheques to cash in
    The girl’s like a dragon attacking and lashing

    A frightful match with the spiteful Billie Blue Bear
    A chance at the title Maggie’s walking through air
    She danced in the ring, dodged attacks with care
    Sounds of the crowd cheer her name in the square
    An evil twist of fate the bear’s punch was unfair and
    So Maggie tripped and snapped her neck on a chair
    An evil glare mixed with a corpse that's beyond repair…

    Success is a bitch
    When you’re fighting with fists!
    Say what?
    I said success is a bitch
    When you’re fighting with fists!

    An end to all the hard-work, finesse and success
    Maggie begs for the end in her hospital bed
    But she has no regrets in the life that she led
    Except that drive and ambition left her with death


    Inspired by the film Million Dollar Baby (2004)
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  7. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

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  8. Discreet

    Discreet New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2008
    Messages:
    67
    Okay,



    Pain seemed to of ran outta gas a little this week and fell back on what I see as his crutch, namely: drugs. This verse was well-written, with as solid flow as ever you're likely to read around here, but ultimately this seemed to lack the direction i've become used to seeing from the kid and was merely dancing around the subject, but not delivering for me. It's not as interest-grabbing as Guttso's, which starts off with a really nice multi scheme and then builds off of that and into something, keeping the story mode intriguing and I even liked the hook he added, I thought that worked well. I've never actually seen the movie, but I do know what it's about so I could appreciate that, and even so: This works as a stand-alone piece, which was a big risk to take because had it not worked it could have cost. That in itself is pretty admirable.

    Regardless, after weighing up both verses, Im going with Guttso here based purely off him having the better storytelling verse this week and the more innovative approach to his topic. Maybe he just caught Pain on a bad week, but I look forward to reading more from you guys soon. Vote - MC Guttso

    PeaCe!
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  9. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    Pain- You had some really sick lines in this one. The Scottish/bags and pipe line, that was pretty creative. But it kinda seemed like you were just talking about drugs. I know the topic was pain killers. It just didnt seem too much like there was a story to this one. The verse was sick on rhymes, and the flow was on point. It was just the story development to me that was kind of off.

    Guttso- Guttso actually turned this topic into a real song, with a chorus and all. I thought that was a pretty sick idea. The story was nice too. He went through a nice lil summary of the life of a chick trying to become a boxer. The rhymes were sick on this. Flow was tight.

    vote- Guttso. Close ass battle
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  10. L. Kross

    L. Kross His Highness

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2000
    Messages:
    23,167
    Pains verse was sick, crazy rhyme schemes wrapped in crazy storytellin. This piece is a real ride, especially if youre picturing the words to music.

    Guttso verse had nasty patterns, too. Descriptives were nice. It was kind of cool to read a story that you sort of already know just to see how the particular author is gonna word it.

    Both of you came hard, it was a pretty good battle, story tellin wise with the in depth descriptives I think it was pretty even, Guttso had a good structure from his inspiration, Pain had some hardcore dedication to the role, kind of reminded me of ledger doin the joker lol but it was still pretty even on both sides, I think this battles gotta come down to somethin besides story tellin ability an pain, i felt, had a better rhythm to his verse, i felt it read better, seemed like guttso was tryin to make his verse look so good it came out worded a little stiff

    Vote - Pain
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  11. Soull

    Soull New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2008
    Messages:
    506
    Pain - Though you chose a played topic, what you did, you did really, really
    well. Really nice description of the emotion and desperation where
    drugs are concerned. I think the main thing that was lacking here
    was development of the plot, but other than that, ver nice drop.

    MC Guttso - Definately a different approach to the topic, and you chose
    a decent idea, that fits with the title. Other than that, as with
    Pain, you were pretty much up to par with the mechanics and
    multies etc.

    Overall, a very close battle, I thought Pain had slightly better descriptive
    vocabulary, whereas MC Guttso trumped Pain in terms of development.
    Really tough decision, but I have to go with Guttso.

    Vote - MC Guttso
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  12. The_K3

    The_K3 ^Secksi^

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2005
    Messages:
    29,265
    pain- not the best ive seen from you, sometimes it feels to me ur tryna to complicate ur schemes that certain ideas get ruined in the process, i however did enjoy the verse it just wasnt as good as usual for me.

    gustso - story started off nice to me but it kinda felt cheesy to me at certain parts like at this part
    Frankie won’t listen; he says “Girlie, tough ain’t enough!”
    It’s rough; violence isn’t cut for women or delicate cunts,
    It’s all shoves, cracked ribs an’ black eyes from the glove,
    Off the cuff Maggie says my heart’s full of passionate stuff,
    Boss I know by my bones that water is thicker than blood
    ‘Coz I gotta fucking fickle family that show me no love

    just simple to me passionate stuff?

    work on ur mechanics a bit and ull do fine

    vote pain
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  13. The_K3

    The_K3 ^Secksi^

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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  14. Ace the Prophet

    Ace the Prophet A Prophet to the Game

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2005
    Messages:
    4,343
    Alright, breakdown. Gonna be short cuz i'm crunchin for finals at school and got some shit to do, so yeah:

    Pain- Man, I'm really diggin this piece. Your flow and rhyme scheme was smooth as hell and i really like how each verse correlated with a different pain killer. Your opening few bars were dope and had me really anticipating your piece.

    MC Guttso- Really nice storytelling, man. Definitely what stood out the most in your piece. Nice flow. I was only really bothered by your rhyme scheme in a couple of places

    She’s bidding to flee the life she forsakes,
    She’s saved for decades but she doesn’t complain,
    Just kickin’ away at that café every day

    Just scrimps and scrapes, washes plates and dishes

    ^It's just a pet peeve of mine. I'm expecting another rhyme with every day at the end of the next bar. It just throws me off some. This instance really wasn't too bad but that's just something to look at for you. I also kinda didnt like how you based it off of a popular movie, but you executed it well so I'm letting that slide.

    Anyways, this battle is simply Topical vs. Storytelling. Both were executed very nicely and after I read Pain's verse I was feeling confident he'd come out on top, but as I read Guttso's I just stayed hooked on that one more and more. Very nice championship match and lyrically sick verses from both writers. Guttso's came out on top today to me though

    PS- Well fuck what I said about this being short, lol....

    Vote- MC Guttso
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